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There's a noticeable

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decrease. Anybody who's had an orgasm knows what

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I'm talking about. Right? After you orgasm, there

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is this kind of dip in energy, in

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life force. Right? So, you know, is watching

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pornography and or masturbating, you know, is this

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something you really wanna do for your own

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energy levels, right? Is doing this throughout the

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week, the month, whatever, you know, is this

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depriving you of energy that you would be

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better off channeling towards your career or self

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improvement,

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learning a language, doing something else, right? So

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overall, you know, depending on how much you're

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consuming this content, is it decreasing?

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You are listening to the sex addiction podcast

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for high achievers, business professionals, executives, and entrepreneurs.

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This podcast is designed to apply sobriety and

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recovery principles specifically to the mindset of the

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high achiever. I'm your host, Roland Cochran, founder

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of The Successful Addict, a recovery group for

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00:00:52,344 --> 00:00:54,664
high achieving men struggling with sex and porn

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addiction. For more information about joining our group

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or attending our next retreat, visit successfuladdict.com.

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And now, enjoy the rest of the episode.

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Is pornography that bad?

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It's a question that comes up quite often.

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Now, while ninety percent of men

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choose to cut out pornography, cut out masturbation,

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there's about ten percent of men that are

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a bit undecided. You know, is porn that

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bad, right? It's a question that comes up.

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And for these ten percent of men, here's

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the problem. If you don't have a clear

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stance on pornography, if you're kind of like,

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I kind of don't want to do it,

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but I kind of also don't think it's

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a big deal. If you have a ambiguous

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wishy washy

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stance, I think you're gonna keep watching it

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personally. I don't think you're gonna stop. I

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think in order to stop watching pornography, if

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that's something that you wanna do, I think

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you have to have a firm stance and

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I think you have to have a dang

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good reason why you wanna stop watching it.

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I really do. And it can't be just

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your wife's opinion or even a religious view,

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I don't think. I think it has to

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be a personal stance where you individually stand

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with pornography if you wanna stop watching it.

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So I'm gonna list off some of the

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most common reasons, the reasons why I chose

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to cut it out of my life and

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why most of the men in my groups

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have actually chose to cut it out of

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their life. I'm gonna read some of these

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reasons and for those of you that are

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on the fence or if you're listening to

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this and you wanna further strengthen your stance

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against it, I think this episode will help.

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So let's first start with kind of socially,

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what this is doing. Right? You know, in

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terms of is it bad? And then we'll

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kind of dive into what's this doing to

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you mentally and psychologically, and then, you know,

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what's this doing potentially to your wife, to

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your family? So socially, a big question is,

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is this consent? Right? Is giving money to

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these women consent?

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I personally don't think so, right? I believe

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if these women were not getting paid, whether

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this be social networks or, you know, paid

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filmed pornography, if they weren't getting paid, I

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don't think we would see a lot of

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these women doing this.

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I don't think we would. And so therefore,

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it's hard for me to think that it's

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consent

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even though they're being financially compensated. Because if

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we removed the financial compensation, they would stop.

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So to me, that's not consent. It's kind

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of a form of sexual slavery almost in

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the way I see it. So then, of

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course, there's the question of, well, Roland, what

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if they're not asking for money? What if

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they're just filming themselves for free and putting

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it on the Internet? Then I would start

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to question their mental health and understanding. Right?

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Do you wanna support

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is that something that you wanna support? Do

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you wanna see a world where all these

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women are for free just posting their naked

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bodies on the Internet? Is that something you

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wanna promote? Because by consuming that material, you're

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basically saying that's okay. Right? And I don't

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know. I think my personal stance is I

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don't think that's healthy. I don't think your

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desire to do that, it's not the world

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that I really want to live in. And

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then of course the question, what about AI

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pornography? Right? So people will say, hey, we're

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rolling these women never existed. Right? They're computer

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generated. Well, then the question is, what's it

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doing to you? Right? Because if you know

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that that person's not real,

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what's that doing to your brain, right? Or

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if you're training your brain to be aroused

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and attracted to

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artificially generated women, you can't tell me that's

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not having a negative effect overall, right? Eventually,

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are you going to become more

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attracted to virtual images than real women, Right?

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And is that something that we want? And

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again, is that something do you want to

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promote and participate in? Right? Because we have

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to remember, by consuming

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this content, you are

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supporting it and you're making it more likely

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that other men and other boys are going

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to consume it. Right? So is that something

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that you wanna

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support? So let's dive into what's this doing

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to you

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personally.

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So personally, is this decreasing your ability to

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experience a bigger sexual potential? What I mean

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by that is, you know, they call it

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like a leaky sexual container. If you have

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a leaky sexual container and your sexual energy

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is leaking in all sorts of different places,

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objectification of women

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in public,

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some fantasy here and there, some pornography use.

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If you're not preserving your sexual energy for

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your wife, are you having a

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compromised sexual experience with her? Right? And again,

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you know, some of the stuff isn't backed

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by science. It's a lot of just conjecture.

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But I'll tell you from personal experience, if

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I work really, really hard to preserve my

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sexual energy, my sexual container, if I don't

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have leaks in it and I preserve it

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for my wife, the sex that her and

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I have is better.

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It's way better. And I would encourage you

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guys if you haven't tried that to try

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it because I think you're gonna find, you

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know, why have a leaky sexual container where

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you're having a bunch of substandard sexual experiences

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when you can have one amazing sexual experience

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and you can only have it if you

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preserve that container? So that's one philosophy. You

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know, another thought is is pornography altering your

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view of women and therefore in turn compromising

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your ability to connect with them and interact

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with them. What I mean by this is

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if you're constantly

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viewing the female body as this sexual thing,

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what if you have an attractive

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co worker or what if the boss or

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leader and one of your people on your

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team that you're leading is an attractive woman

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or what if your daughter has an attractive

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friend that comes over, Right? Are you proud

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of the man you are when you have

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thoughts around these people? Right? This is a

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minor. Right? This is your daughter's friend or

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this is somebody you're leading at work. Is

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it really appropriate for you to have sexual

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thoughts that cross your mind? Right? And I

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think the only way that we can really

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start to limit some of those thoughts, because

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again, we can't control our thoughts, but I

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do think that consuming pornography regularly

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definitely increases the likelihood of thoughts like that

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happening. So again, is pornography consumption

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altering your human experience and depriving you of

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more meaningful real relationships. Right? And then, of

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course, there's erectile dysfunction.

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Right? We know that we're seeing massive numbers

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of erectile dysfunction in young men.

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And again, we don't know for sure, but

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the biggest speculation is their pornography use. They're

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they're starting to not be able to perform

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with real sexual encounters because of all of

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the pornography that they've been consuming. Alright? Their

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brain is basically, you know, more stimulated by

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digital women than real women. And then there's

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this last one which this one's I don't

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know if you've seen this on social media,

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but there's a lot of people saying that

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our libido, our vitality, you know, all of

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us think of libido as a sexual thing,

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but libido and vitality, you know, this kind

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of hunger for life, there's a noticeable

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decrease. Anybody who's had an orgasm knows what

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I'm talking about. Right? After you orgasm, there

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is this kind of dip in energy, in

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life force. Right? So, you know, is watching

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pornography and or masturbating, you know, is this

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something you really wanna do for your own

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energy levels? Right? Is doing this throughout the

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week, the month, whatever, you know, is this

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depriving you of energy that you would be

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better off channeling towards your career or self

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improvement, learning a language, doing something else? Right?

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So overall, you know, depending on how much

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you're consuming this content, is it decreasing the

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energy levels that you're just bringing to life?

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And then the last one that I want

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to bring up, of course, is just our

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family. Right? You know, what's this doing to

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your wife? Regardless of where you stand on

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it, you can't tell me you don't care

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about how your wife feels.

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And regardless of whether she's okay with you

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watching pornography or not, I think first you

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need to make the decision for yourself whether

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she's okay with it or not. Is this

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something you want in your life? Is this

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helping you? But, you know, a lot of

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women consider it cheating. I would say most

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women consider it cheating. And a lot of

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men don't take that very seriously, but I

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don't know, it kind of seems like cheating

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to me. I mean, you're staring at naked

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women who are not your wife and, you

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know, more than likely than not, you're masturbating

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with these images. I don't know. Doesn't that

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kind of look like cheating? You know, and

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again, you know, for a lot of men,

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because pornography has unfortunately

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become so widely used and just really not

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taken seriously, it's easy to look at it

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and consider it not cheating. But I would

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just say this doesn't make your wife feel

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good,

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regardless of whether she's decided she's okay with

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it or not. You know, a lot of

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women just just, you know, they're offended that

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you need to supplement

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your sexual relationship with your wife with other

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women. It doesn't make them feel that great.

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So you have to consider that in terms

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of where this makes you stand as a

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husband. And then of course as a father,

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right? Here's the last thing I'll leave you

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with. I have a young daughter and here's

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something I think about quite often. Do I

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want my daughter's teacher, right? Let's say she's

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going into high school, middle school. Do I

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want her male teacher

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who is in his mid thirties? Do I

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want

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him who, and my daughter is a beautiful

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little girl and my guess is she's just

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gonna keep getting more and more beautiful.

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Do I feel comfortable with the men who

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work at her school

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in their twenties, thirties, forties, fifties? Do I

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feel comfortable with these

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men consuming

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pornography

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very regularly

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and masturbating? Are those the men that I

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want protecting my daughter? Are those the men

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that I want teaching my daughter? Right? Just

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ask yourself that, right? Would you feel safer

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in a world where men were not consuming

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large amounts of pornography

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semi regularly or extremely regularly? Would it make

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you feel safer if men weren't doing this?

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Would you feel like they would potentially respect

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and honor your daughter more? And then let's

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elaborate that even further. Do you want your

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daughter's husband to be watching pornography

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regularly and the effects that that might be

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having on his brain? Do you want your

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grandkids

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to be raised by a father who's regularly

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objectifying women? And the reason I bring these

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examples up is the most common answer is

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no. I'd feel safer if these guys were

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not regularly objectifying women, right? I would feel

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safer if my grandkids

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were not being raised by a guy who

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feels entitled to objectify women regularly, who's not

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your daughter, Right? This is your daughter's husband

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who's raising your grandkids. Right? The reason I

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bring these up is it's stuff like this

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that can rehumanize the situation.

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It can rehumanize

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the whole thing and start to make you

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gain a stance against pornography. So, again, why

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did I record this episode? Because I really

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genuinely believe that you will not stop watching

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pornography unless you take a firm stance on

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it. You need to decide, is this something

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that I want to rid from the world,

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right? Is this something that I do not

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believe is beneficial? It's toxic to our human

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existence. Because if you don't really have a

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firm stance on it, I do. I think

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you'll be in these moods where you wanna

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look at it, and I think because you

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haven't made up your mind, you'll look. Right?

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And so I bring this up just to

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put things on your radar. I don't think

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it's consent.

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I don't think it's healthy for men to

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be consuming this. I don't I think it

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dampens our experience, and I think it harms

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the experience for other women. I just don't

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think it's a good thing for us to

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be doing. And I also don't think that

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we should be supporting an industry

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that

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is doing this to our fellow humans.

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I think that as wise

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people, I think we need to take a

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stance here and shut this down because there's

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a lot of people who, again, they're gonna

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use this content. And the only way that

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we can

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promote the ceasing of an industry like this,

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the adult entertainment industry, is to not participate,

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is to not participate. And then for the

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brave ones listening to this, take a stance

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and talk about it. You know, when you're

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around men, you know, just propose, ask you,

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hey, question, how many of you guys are

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still watching pornography and masturbating?

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And just open the discussion because, again, I

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think this is something that men don't openly

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talk about. And I would ask you with

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that, why don't we openly talk about it?

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Why is there some level of embarrassment around

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it? I think to me and another thing,

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why are you hiding it? Right? You're not

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leaving it up on your computer. You're not

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leaving magazines out on the table. Right? You're

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deleting your browsing history. You're hiding this behavior.

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What do you think that's about?

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Right? And most men are doing that. Right?

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It's very rare that men are openly and

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blatantly using pornography. No. You're sneaking around and

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doing it when no one else is around.

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Why are you sneaking around? If it was

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really that okay, don't you think you'd be

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open about it and not trying to hide

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it from everyone? So anyways, just some things

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to think about, but I would I would

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encourage you to take a stance on this

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one way or another because I think not

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taking a stance opens you up for slips,

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relapses

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and, you know, I think these are great

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conversations to have with your wife, with your

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kids and with your friends. I think society

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needs to decide where they stand on this

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and stop sweeping it under the rug because

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I think there's a lot more negative effects

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than people realize.

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Thanks for listening to this episode. If you

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are a high achiever with a sex addiction

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and you're looking for a recovery group full

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of like minded men, visit successfuladdict.com.

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00:12:28,899 --> 00:12:31,779
We provide men with a recovery mastermind group

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00:12:31,779 --> 00:12:34,580
using four day retreats, weekly group calls, and

371
00:12:34,580 --> 00:12:37,220
daily accountability check ins. If you wanna achieve

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long term sobriety and save your marriage, go

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00:12:39,684 --> 00:12:41,304
to our website and fill out our application.

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If you enjoyed this episode, please pass it

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00:12:44,004 --> 00:12:45,684
along to a friend in recovery who would

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00:12:45,684 --> 00:12:47,605
benefit from listening. It is my mission to

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get this information out to as many high

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achievers as possible, and I can't do it

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without your help.