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You've all heard in recovery that the number

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one treatment for sex and porn addiction or

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compulsive sexual behavior, affairs, chronic infidelity, chronic cheating

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is peer support and connection. It's the number

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one treatment. Peer support and connection with other

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addicts who you consider are going through something

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very similar that you're going through.

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You are listening to the sex addiction podcast

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for high achievers, business professionals, executives, and entrepreneurs.

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This podcast is designed to apply sobriety and

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recovery principles

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specifically to the mindset of the high achiever.

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I'm your host, Roland Cochran, founder of The

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Successful Addict, a recovery group for high achieving

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men struggling with sex and porn addiction. For

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more information about joining our group or attending

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our next retreat, visit successfuladdict.com.

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And now, enjoy the rest of the episode.

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Now, I wanna talk about this because a

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lot of guys either, a, aren't using the

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groups that they're in in the most beneficial

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way to truly maximize their recovery, or b,

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even worse, they're not connecting

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at their group, which is a big problem

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because it's connection

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that is the opposite of addiction. Right? You've

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heard the quote. Right? The opposite of addiction

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is connection, not sobriety. Right? So it's connection.

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But again,

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connection is more than just going to a

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place where people are. If that was connection,

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then the grocery store would count. You know,

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work would count. Church would count. Right? But,

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again, that's not the type of connection that

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we're talking about. So in this episode, I

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just kinda wanna talk about how to utilize

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a peer support group, a recovery group to

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its fullest potential so that you are actually

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getting the connection, the accountability, and the interaction

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that you need to truly recover.

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You know, I I I hate saying this

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because it it ruffles a lot of feathers,

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but, I'm sorry. I just the the majority

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of guys are not in good recovery, and

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I think it's why we see the relapse

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rate so high when it comes to sex

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and porn addiction. I don't think it's because

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these guys are lazy. I don't think it's

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because, these guys aren't doing the work. I

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think it's because they're just simply not in

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good recovery, and it's not because they don't

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wanna be. It's because they just don't know

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how to be. So I'm hoping to kind

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of, use this episode to teach you how

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can you be leaning on your peer support

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group. What should you be doing for them?

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What should they be doing for you?

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So, I first wanna hit on the obvious

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ones. Right? Peer support and connection.

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Okay? So I just wanna clear that up

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real quick to make sure you genuinely are

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getting peer support and you're genuinely getting connection.

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Then from there,

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the rest of the episode, I'll talk about

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really how to use the group and how

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to get the most out of it. So

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it's peer

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support. Now I wanna really emphasize peer support.

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This person needs to be considered your peer.

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You need to you need to feel like

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this this person knows what it's like to

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be you. Right? There's some relatability. There's some

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common interest. You guys have, you know, you

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you can relate to one another and your

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life, and your addiction. You know, I think

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one of the biggest challenges within the sex

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addiction space, because this is a process addiction,

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every guy in the room has kind of

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a different addiction and a different,

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compulsivity. And so if you can't really relate

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to the other gentlemen in the room,

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is that truly peer support? I would say

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no. Right? If your brain, your body just

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doesn't sense that this is a peer, they

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just, you know, they're they're just using words

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and and speaking about things, so it's like,

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yeah, this this person just doesn't understand. They

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don't they don't understand my addiction. They don't

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understand,

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what it's like to be me and live

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in my world. Right? And I see this

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a lot with, with my guys. It's why

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we have my program, the successful addict is

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for a lot of high achieving and driven

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entrepreneurs.

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You know, a lot of their addiction isn't

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necessarily this, pornography and fantasy based escapism. Right?

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They're not really using

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sex and porn as an as a as

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a escape or a drug.

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They're they're using it more of a means,

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a means to get attention, get validation, enhance.

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And so if they're talking to somebody who's,

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you know, really using it as an escapist,

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ist, right, they're they're looking at porn every

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day, every other day, it's it's like a

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drug for them to kind of unplug and

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get away from unpleasant emotions.

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Whereas, you know, a lot of, outgoing, confident,

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entrepreneurs, it's not necessarily

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a way to escape. A lot of them

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really love their life. They're really using it

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as a tool, a way to enhance their

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life, a way to get a feeling that

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they wanna feel. Right? So, you know, having

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these two people in the same room,

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it it might there might not be this

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peer connection that happens because both of them

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are kinda struggling from a different type of

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compulsivity.

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Right? And then the second piece to this

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is connection. Are you actually connecting

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with the other guys? Right? And, again, connection

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is not just being in a room with

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other people. It's not even just being in

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a room with other sex addicts. Again, that

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doesn't count. You just being there. You could

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even be sharing vulnerably,

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and that's not connection. Connection is an exchange.

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It's an exchange between two people. It's where

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this other person genuinely feel like they know

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what it's like to be you, and they're

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hurting. They're just imagining, like, oh my gosh.

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I I I can relate to this guy's

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story so much. I feel so bad for

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him. You know, I I I want to

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help him. Right? There's this there's this exchange

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of relatability,

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like I said, common interests, like a similar

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drive, a similar a similar,

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kind of goals and aspirations for your life.

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That's what really bonds two people together. It's

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like, man, I I feel like I'm looking

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in the mirror. Right? And and that's and

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there's and that's a special feeling. It's a

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special feeling. And that, to me, the more

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of those people you can get in your

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life, the more recovered you'll be. I mean,

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simply, you you know, I asked this question

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to my recovery,

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groups

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before I recorded this podcast episode, and I

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said, guys, you know, what what do you

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think is good recovery? Right? Like, I listened

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to everybody's description of it. And the number

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one thing that every single person said was

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real, true, deep, meaningful connections

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with other guys in their recovery group. That

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will get you sober. That will keep you

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in long term good recovery. And I I

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agree. You know, it was finally when I

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found my tribe of men to support me

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in my recovery. That was when, you know,

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sobriety and recovery just started getting so much

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easier, so much so much more fun. You

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know, I really started seeing, you know what?

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There's there's a world where, you know, I'm

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not gonna relapse. You know? There's a world

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where I where I can actually get these

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behaviors out of my life for good. Right?

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But it was that it was that deep

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connections with the support group that really started

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unlocking that, aspect of my brain. There's science

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to back that, but we won't get into

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that on this episode. So how do you

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use a recovery group, and what should you

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be doing with them, and what should they

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be doing for you? So the biggest thing

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that should be present in a recovery group

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is, first and foremost,

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all the guys need to, a, know what

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their own process addiction is,

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and, they need to be able to explain

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it to the other guys in the group.

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You know, really, if everybody is going to

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kind of mastermind and collaborate

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around how they can help all of us

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overcome our addictions or compulsive behavior, they really

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need to understand what drives it in the

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first place. So and I'm talking, like, really,

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really, really granular. Like, what are the beliefs,

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you know, what's the world view? What's your,

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sense of self and identity that really birthed

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a lot of these behaviors? And I'm talking

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very, very, very granular. Right? You need to

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understand that. You need to be able to

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explain this to the other guys because, again,

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if they're gonna help you change these beliefs,

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they're gonna help you change your self-concept.

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You know, they really need to understand it

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in pretty good detail. So I I would

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say that's that's number one. I I to

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me, you know, if you don't know what

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the details of your specific process addiction are

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and you can't explain that to your guys

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in your recovery group or even your therapist,

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You know, I don't even know if you're

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in good recovery. Right? Because, again, how do

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how do you know you're changing the things

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that caused you to act out if you

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don't know what caused you to act out?

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K?

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So I think that's number one. And so

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then that leads me to number two, which

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piggybacks off number one, which is

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as a in a peer support group, a

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good support group you know, I don't even

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call mine peer support. I call mine recovery

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groups. You know, if you're really trying to

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change these brain patterns long term for long

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term recovery, long term sobriety,

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you guys should be talking 90% plus of

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the time

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around what those problematic beliefs and,

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brain processes are and calling them out and

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having other people call them out. Right? You

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know, what will what you'll happen is as

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months go on, other the other guys in

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the group will start to figure you out.

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They'll start to get to know your process

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of addiction,

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you know, the things that your brain has

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kind of latched on to, sometimes some in

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your adulthood, some reading all the way back

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from childhood. But it's that understanding

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of what your brain is after that helps

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them

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help you change. Okay? But again, that all

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hinges on everybody knowing what their process addiction

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is and then presenting to the other guys.

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You know, in our groups,

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we have these these booklets basically that we

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fill out,

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over time, and we essentially kind of map

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out your process addiction. And then you're sharing

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that again with your wife and with your

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recovery group. Right? And and ideally with your

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therapist as well. Right? So everyone's kind of

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honed in on a very specific plan. And

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for those of you who are married and

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you're trying to regain trust, you know, a

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lot of there's a lot of conversations. How

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do we regain trust? Right? You know, how

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do you you know, your wife knows that

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you're a cheater, that you're a liar. Right?

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So how do we convince her brain that

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you're not that anymore?

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And, you know, it's not sobriety that's gonna

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give her the safety. Right? It it's really

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00:08:49,695 --> 00:08:51,774
not. Like, you just stopping this stuff, you

261
00:08:51,774 --> 00:08:53,695
know, again, she's still waiting for the other

262
00:08:53,695 --> 00:08:55,294
shoe to drop. Right? She's still waiting for

263
00:08:55,294 --> 00:08:57,315
you to relapse and lie to her again.

264
00:08:57,360 --> 00:08:59,620
So where is the safety? The safety is

265
00:08:59,839 --> 00:09:01,519
in exactly what we just said. The safety

266
00:09:01,519 --> 00:09:03,519
is in showing her, hey. This is my

267
00:09:03,519 --> 00:09:06,000
process addiction. This is what led to me

268
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:08,959
acting out, and here's the proven psychological strategies

269
00:09:08,959 --> 00:09:10,559
and the techniques and methods that I can

270
00:09:10,559 --> 00:09:12,955
use to change these brain patterns. Right? That's

271
00:09:12,955 --> 00:09:14,075
that's very critical.

272
00:09:14,394 --> 00:09:15,835
I would say it's the most critical piece

273
00:09:15,835 --> 00:09:17,455
to to recovery, to good recovery.

274
00:09:17,914 --> 00:09:19,355
So then what can you be doing with

275
00:09:19,355 --> 00:09:22,235
your group? You're you're now calling yourself out

276
00:09:22,235 --> 00:09:24,714
anytime you see these brain processes come up.

277
00:09:24,714 --> 00:09:27,934
Here's the thing. Most of these compulsive processes

278
00:09:28,629 --> 00:09:30,949
are actually not gonna be sexual. Right? So

279
00:09:30,949 --> 00:09:33,750
your we'll use attention, for example. Your desire

280
00:09:33,750 --> 00:09:35,769
for attention, admiration, and validation,

281
00:09:36,709 --> 00:09:38,789
most of the time, I would say 99%

282
00:09:38,789 --> 00:09:40,069
of the time, it's actually not gonna be

283
00:09:40,069 --> 00:09:41,990
sexual. My guess is you're actually going to

284
00:09:41,990 --> 00:09:42,809
do it through,

285
00:09:43,184 --> 00:09:45,924
impressing other guys at work, your boss, your,

286
00:09:46,225 --> 00:09:46,705
your,

287
00:09:47,184 --> 00:09:49,985
superiors, the people who you manage. Right? You're

288
00:09:49,985 --> 00:09:52,304
you're gonna be trying to showcase how awesome

289
00:09:52,304 --> 00:09:54,245
you are so that you are getting compliments

290
00:09:54,304 --> 00:09:56,465
validated and people are respecting you and admiring

291
00:09:56,465 --> 00:09:57,769
you. Right? So, yes,

292
00:09:58,310 --> 00:10:00,550
sometimes you used women to do that. But

293
00:10:00,550 --> 00:10:02,629
the truth is the vast majority of the

294
00:10:02,629 --> 00:10:05,610
time, you used money, your career, your appearance,

295
00:10:05,990 --> 00:10:08,230
you know, buying material things. Right? So again,

296
00:10:08,230 --> 00:10:10,070
but that's that that's the thing about process

297
00:10:10,070 --> 00:10:12,284
addiction is, addiction is, yes, sometimes it happens

298
00:10:12,284 --> 00:10:13,804
sexually, but most of the time it didn't.

299
00:10:13,804 --> 00:10:15,985
And I believe that's why guys relapse is

300
00:10:16,044 --> 00:10:18,125
they're just fixing the sexual pieces, but they're

301
00:10:18,125 --> 00:10:19,424
not actually fixing

302
00:10:19,804 --> 00:10:20,784
these problematic

303
00:10:21,164 --> 00:10:23,325
brain processes where they're finding their self worth

304
00:10:23,325 --> 00:10:25,184
and their value through, again, attention, admiration,

305
00:10:26,610 --> 00:10:29,490
particular process addiction, that needs to be fixed.

306
00:10:29,490 --> 00:10:31,569
Otherwise, to me, you know, it's just a

307
00:10:31,569 --> 00:10:33,669
matter of time until you you relapse again.

308
00:10:33,970 --> 00:10:35,889
Okay. So you're you that's what you're doing

309
00:10:35,889 --> 00:10:38,370
with your group. You're feeding them constantly. Hey,

310
00:10:38,370 --> 00:10:39,569
guys. I noticed this. I,

311
00:10:40,684 --> 00:10:41,504
know, I noticed,

312
00:10:42,365 --> 00:10:43,725
that I went to this meeting. I didn't

313
00:10:43,725 --> 00:10:44,924
have my Rolex on, so I had to

314
00:10:44,924 --> 00:10:46,445
go back home to put my Rolex on

315
00:10:46,445 --> 00:10:47,725
so that I could impress all the guys

316
00:10:47,725 --> 00:10:49,324
in the room. Right? It's it's just calling

317
00:10:49,324 --> 00:10:50,144
out these,

318
00:10:50,445 --> 00:10:52,365
kind of compulsive behaviors that led to the

319
00:10:52,365 --> 00:10:54,210
problem in the first place. Right? So then

320
00:10:54,210 --> 00:10:55,970
what should your group be be doing back

321
00:10:55,970 --> 00:10:58,129
to you? Your group should be taking an

322
00:10:58,129 --> 00:10:59,990
interest in your process addiction,

323
00:11:00,290 --> 00:11:03,009
and your group should be trying really, really

324
00:11:03,009 --> 00:11:05,750
hard to sell your brain on a superior

325
00:11:05,809 --> 00:11:08,144
strategy of getting the same thing, but not

326
00:11:08,144 --> 00:11:08,644
harming,

327
00:11:09,184 --> 00:11:11,845
yourself, your wife, or or violating your integrity.

328
00:11:12,144 --> 00:11:13,664
Right? So that's that's really what the group's

329
00:11:13,664 --> 00:11:15,664
doing. They're trying to help you become resourceful.

330
00:11:15,664 --> 00:11:17,824
Because, again, your brain wants what the brain

331
00:11:17,824 --> 00:11:19,985
wants, and so we have to sell the

332
00:11:19,985 --> 00:11:22,384
brain on something different. Otherwise, it's still gonna

333
00:11:22,384 --> 00:11:25,250
prefer acting out as its preferred choice. Right?

334
00:11:25,250 --> 00:11:26,850
And that's why the people talk about white

335
00:11:26,850 --> 00:11:30,070
knuckling this. You know? You can't just avoid

336
00:11:30,210 --> 00:11:32,850
the sexual stuff and expect it to go

337
00:11:32,850 --> 00:11:34,690
away. That's not how it works. Right? We

338
00:11:34,690 --> 00:11:37,490
have to truly change the perceived value so

339
00:11:37,490 --> 00:11:39,404
the brain no longer wants it. Like, that's

340
00:11:39,404 --> 00:11:40,845
really what you have to do. Otherwise, there's

341
00:11:40,845 --> 00:11:42,444
gonna be white knuckling recovery for the rest

342
00:11:42,444 --> 00:11:43,184
of your life.

343
00:11:43,644 --> 00:11:44,684
So what are the things should you be

344
00:11:44,684 --> 00:11:46,924
doing? So, that's the number one. Right? You

345
00:11:46,924 --> 00:11:49,404
should be telling and educating the men in

346
00:11:49,404 --> 00:11:51,929
your report groups about your process addiction, and

347
00:11:51,929 --> 00:11:54,570
they should be working back towards you on

348
00:11:54,570 --> 00:11:57,610
helping, a, understand, but, yes, ultimately change the

349
00:11:57,610 --> 00:11:58,429
faulty processes.

350
00:11:58,730 --> 00:12:00,009
But what other things they should they do?

351
00:12:00,009 --> 00:12:01,610
Well, they should be holding you accountable. Right?

352
00:12:01,610 --> 00:12:03,370
So as you're kind of telling them some

353
00:12:03,370 --> 00:12:04,190
of your goals,

354
00:12:04,649 --> 00:12:06,809
and your facilitator in your group should be

355
00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:08,904
should be, asking you for this. Right? So

356
00:12:08,904 --> 00:12:11,485
you should have objectives. Right? Your your,

357
00:12:12,105 --> 00:12:14,504
your recovery should have a clear plan. Right?

358
00:12:14,504 --> 00:12:16,585
You should know exactly what it is that

359
00:12:16,585 --> 00:12:18,024
you're working on, what you need to do,

360
00:12:18,024 --> 00:12:19,304
and what you can't do on your own.

361
00:12:19,304 --> 00:12:21,000
Right? So then your group comes in, and

362
00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:23,080
they're helping hold you accountable. Right? You're telling

363
00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:24,440
them about the things that are gonna be

364
00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:26,360
hard for you. You're telling them, hey, guys.

365
00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:27,720
I know I need to accomplish this, but

366
00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:29,399
I don't know how. What kind of advice

367
00:12:29,399 --> 00:12:31,240
do you guys have? Right? So they're helping

368
00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:32,379
you become resourceful,

369
00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:35,320
because, again, just just not doing anything and

370
00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:36,615
hoping it to go away, that's not a

371
00:12:36,615 --> 00:12:38,855
plan. Right? So your group should be constantly

372
00:12:38,855 --> 00:12:41,735
testing your plan for effectiveness and speed. Right?

373
00:12:41,735 --> 00:12:44,455
You know, we can't hurry recovery, but we

374
00:12:44,455 --> 00:12:45,975
can certainly speed it up and you can

375
00:12:45,975 --> 00:12:47,414
certainly slow it down. Right? So the goal

376
00:12:47,414 --> 00:12:49,355
of your peer support group and the facilitator

377
00:12:49,414 --> 00:12:51,610
should be, is your plan the best plan

378
00:12:51,610 --> 00:12:53,290
possible, and are you moving along and as

379
00:12:53,290 --> 00:12:55,370
fast as possible? You know? And that's where

380
00:12:55,370 --> 00:12:56,490
I say a lot of guys just aren't

381
00:12:56,490 --> 00:12:58,090
in great recovery because I don't think they

382
00:12:58,090 --> 00:12:59,610
have a great plan, and I certainly don't

383
00:12:59,610 --> 00:13:01,290
believe that they're moving along and as fast

384
00:13:01,290 --> 00:13:02,809
as possible. And if your wife sees that,

385
00:13:02,809 --> 00:13:04,585
she's gonna be pissed. She is. She's gonna

386
00:13:04,585 --> 00:13:05,785
be pissed, and it's gonna be a huge

387
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:06,664
hit to the trust.

388
00:13:07,544 --> 00:13:08,745
So what else should you guys be doing?

389
00:13:08,745 --> 00:13:09,945
Well, you guys should be meeting up in

390
00:13:09,945 --> 00:13:11,465
person. You know, in our groups, we meet

391
00:13:11,465 --> 00:13:13,565
up in person two times a year.

392
00:13:14,105 --> 00:13:16,585
And, you know, for the for the four

393
00:13:16,585 --> 00:13:19,085
for the four days we're together, thirty hours

394
00:13:19,190 --> 00:13:21,049
are spent on deep, intense,

395
00:13:21,669 --> 00:13:24,809
recovery work. You know, really intense vulnerable conversations

396
00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:26,470
of digging back to the root of all

397
00:13:26,470 --> 00:13:28,309
this. Right? And then outside of that, you

398
00:13:28,309 --> 00:13:30,009
know, you guys do need to have fun.

399
00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:31,589
You know, this is really hard for the

400
00:13:31,589 --> 00:13:33,589
betrayed partners and the and the wives to

401
00:13:33,589 --> 00:13:34,815
hear this because, you know, they don't want

402
00:13:34,815 --> 00:13:36,815
you to have fun. Right? They're pissed. Right?

403
00:13:36,815 --> 00:13:38,894
They don't want recovery to be fun. But

404
00:13:38,894 --> 00:13:40,575
it does need to be fun. When recovery

405
00:13:40,575 --> 00:13:41,955
becomes boring and monotonous,

406
00:13:42,335 --> 00:13:44,254
that's just not that's not great. Right? You

407
00:13:44,254 --> 00:13:46,335
know? And your wives, as much as they

408
00:13:46,335 --> 00:13:47,934
want you to feel them as much pain

409
00:13:47,934 --> 00:13:49,879
as they're feeling, I bet you deep down

410
00:13:49,879 --> 00:13:51,399
they want you to be in good recovery.

411
00:13:51,399 --> 00:13:52,920
A part of good recovery is that you're

412
00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:55,320
enjoying it. You enjoy your recovery groups. You're

413
00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:56,519
looking forward to it. You know, the guys

414
00:13:56,519 --> 00:13:58,440
in my groups really do. They count down

415
00:13:58,440 --> 00:13:59,100
the days

416
00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:01,879
to the next intensive. They just love spending

417
00:14:01,879 --> 00:14:04,774
that time together and, you know, being introspective

418
00:14:04,835 --> 00:14:06,274
and doing the deep work and, of course,

419
00:14:06,274 --> 00:14:08,835
yeah, having some fun, sharing sharing meals together.

420
00:14:08,835 --> 00:14:10,514
Because, again, what's the number one treatment for

421
00:14:10,514 --> 00:14:13,235
sex addiction? Connection. Where does connection happen? It's

422
00:14:13,235 --> 00:14:14,995
tough to happen over Zoom. It just is.

423
00:14:14,995 --> 00:14:16,779
It's tough to happen over text. Right? You

424
00:14:16,779 --> 00:14:18,379
know, technology is great, but in the end,

425
00:14:18,379 --> 00:14:19,820
we need to be meeting in person a

426
00:14:19,820 --> 00:14:21,500
couple times a year to really foster these

427
00:14:21,500 --> 00:14:22,320
these relationships.

428
00:14:23,740 --> 00:14:25,580
So your your peer support group should be

429
00:14:25,580 --> 00:14:27,659
doing that. There needs to be some sort

430
00:14:27,659 --> 00:14:29,120
of daily accountability,

431
00:14:30,205 --> 00:14:31,504
plan of some kind.

432
00:14:32,125 --> 00:14:34,205
We use a, we use an app that

433
00:14:34,205 --> 00:14:35,004
keeps the guys,

434
00:14:35,325 --> 00:14:36,144
all in touch,

435
00:14:36,764 --> 00:14:37,504
every day.

436
00:14:38,205 --> 00:14:40,524
And so, again, that's important. Right? Because we're

437
00:14:40,524 --> 00:14:42,764
trying to remind the brain, hey. I have

438
00:14:42,764 --> 00:14:44,125
a group here. I got people who care

439
00:14:44,125 --> 00:14:46,029
about me, and that's really critical, especially when

440
00:14:46,029 --> 00:14:47,330
it comes to kinda silencing,

441
00:14:48,110 --> 00:14:51,089
the addictive, patterns and the unwanted patterns is

442
00:14:51,230 --> 00:14:53,830
that connection that's nonstop. Right? Again, meeting once

443
00:14:53,830 --> 00:14:55,309
a week, a lot of bad stuff can

444
00:14:55,309 --> 00:14:56,909
happen in a week. A guy a guy

445
00:14:56,909 --> 00:14:58,904
can totally relapse in a week. Right? So

446
00:14:58,904 --> 00:15:00,985
what is your group doing daily to help

447
00:15:00,985 --> 00:15:02,684
stay on track and keep you guys connected?

448
00:15:03,144 --> 00:15:04,904
And then the last thing and and this

449
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,664
one's, you know, to me, it's it's really

450
00:15:06,664 --> 00:15:07,164
important.

451
00:15:07,945 --> 00:15:09,725
There needs to be this,

452
00:15:10,345 --> 00:15:12,424
there needs to be this this commonality and

453
00:15:12,424 --> 00:15:13,164
this tribal,

454
00:15:13,649 --> 00:15:16,230
kind of brotherhood within the group. To me,

455
00:15:16,929 --> 00:15:19,250
if it's just a group of guys that

456
00:15:19,250 --> 00:15:21,750
you don't really respect, admire,

457
00:15:22,289 --> 00:15:25,009
I I it I'm gonna be I'm curious

458
00:15:25,009 --> 00:15:26,850
how effective that's actually gonna be. You know,

459
00:15:26,850 --> 00:15:29,144
to me, when when you have a tribe,

460
00:15:29,144 --> 00:15:31,144
really, like a recovery tribe of men that

461
00:15:31,144 --> 00:15:32,985
you enjoy being around, you look up to

462
00:15:32,985 --> 00:15:34,605
these guys, you admire these guys,

463
00:15:34,985 --> 00:15:37,225
you look forward to every meeting. Right? To

464
00:15:37,225 --> 00:15:39,065
me, you know, that's what a tribe is.

465
00:15:39,065 --> 00:15:40,825
And I think every guy in good recovery,

466
00:15:40,825 --> 00:15:42,509
you know, their group needs to feel like

467
00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:44,350
a tribe. I mean, these need to be

468
00:15:44,350 --> 00:15:46,110
your ride or die guys that you're probably

469
00:15:46,110 --> 00:15:47,790
gonna be friends with for the rest of

470
00:15:47,790 --> 00:15:50,769
your life. And that's so critical. That's connection.

471
00:15:51,149 --> 00:15:52,690
That is connection. Right? So,

472
00:15:53,230 --> 00:15:55,250
so in a nutshell, in conclusion, you know,

473
00:15:55,629 --> 00:15:56,190
if you're

474
00:15:56,830 --> 00:15:58,565
if if you think you're in good recovery

475
00:15:58,565 --> 00:15:59,924
and you don't have a group like what

476
00:15:59,924 --> 00:16:00,825
I just described,

477
00:16:01,204 --> 00:16:02,964
I'm sorry. You're not in you're not in

478
00:16:02,964 --> 00:16:04,644
good recovery. You're not. And and if your

479
00:16:04,644 --> 00:16:06,485
wife is kind of accusing you of of

480
00:16:06,485 --> 00:16:08,325
not being in good recovery, a lot of

481
00:16:08,325 --> 00:16:10,325
this stuff is probably what she's what she's

482
00:16:10,325 --> 00:16:12,100
referring to. Right? You know, she'll look at

483
00:16:12,100 --> 00:16:14,179
you and she'll be like, hey. Nothing happened

484
00:16:14,179 --> 00:16:15,559
today. You didn't do anything.

485
00:16:16,019 --> 00:16:18,259
You know? And, you know, one argument might

486
00:16:18,259 --> 00:16:19,459
be, well, what am I supposed to do

487
00:16:19,459 --> 00:16:20,899
every single day? Right? You know? I could

488
00:16:20,899 --> 00:16:23,459
hear that. But, again, you should be engaging

489
00:16:23,459 --> 00:16:25,299
in some capacity with your recovery group. But

490
00:16:25,299 --> 00:16:26,695
it doesn't have to be, you you know,

491
00:16:26,695 --> 00:16:27,815
or it doesn't have to be hours and

492
00:16:27,815 --> 00:16:29,654
hours and hours, but there should be the

493
00:16:29,735 --> 00:16:31,894
these touch bases where you can, at any

494
00:16:31,894 --> 00:16:34,534
given moment, be able to call yourself out

495
00:16:34,534 --> 00:16:36,454
and communicate with your group and bring, you

496
00:16:36,454 --> 00:16:37,174
know, something,

497
00:16:37,654 --> 00:16:40,730
you know, current that day to them about

498
00:16:40,730 --> 00:16:43,209
recovery. And if you don't have anything, then

499
00:16:43,209 --> 00:16:44,889
they should be telling you, and you can

500
00:16:44,889 --> 00:16:46,409
comment back on one of them. But the

501
00:16:46,409 --> 00:16:48,409
point is, you know, I I do take

502
00:16:48,409 --> 00:16:50,089
the betrayed partner side with this. You know?

503
00:16:50,089 --> 00:16:52,889
To me, there there should be some level

504
00:16:52,889 --> 00:16:55,769
of recovery sobriety practice that's occurring every single

505
00:16:55,769 --> 00:16:57,345
day. You know, I do. I think I

506
00:16:57,345 --> 00:16:59,665
think the mind can can can wander if

507
00:16:59,665 --> 00:17:01,205
we don't have a daily practice.

508
00:17:02,065 --> 00:17:03,985
But, again, this this is what a good

509
00:17:03,985 --> 00:17:06,305
recovery group is. Right? You're digging into the

510
00:17:06,305 --> 00:17:08,705
brain processes. You're trying to change them. It's

511
00:17:08,705 --> 00:17:09,765
not just shares.

512
00:17:10,190 --> 00:17:13,170
You know, sharing's fine. But, again, you know,

513
00:17:13,710 --> 00:17:15,069
what I found when I went to meetings

514
00:17:15,069 --> 00:17:16,589
and all we ever did was shares was

515
00:17:16,750 --> 00:17:18,269
I don't know. I mean, there wasn't really

516
00:17:18,269 --> 00:17:20,509
that much connection that happened because everybody just

517
00:17:20,509 --> 00:17:22,269
kinda shared for five minutes and the meeting

518
00:17:22,269 --> 00:17:22,875
was over.

519
00:17:23,835 --> 00:17:25,434
And then also, you know, I I don't

520
00:17:25,434 --> 00:17:26,714
know. I was kinda just as much of

521
00:17:26,714 --> 00:17:28,875
an addict at the end of the call

522
00:17:28,875 --> 00:17:30,315
as I as I was at the beginning

523
00:17:30,315 --> 00:17:31,755
of the call. You know, we didn't really

524
00:17:31,755 --> 00:17:34,015
do anything to change, and there wasn't necessarily

525
00:17:34,154 --> 00:17:36,315
any sort of profound connection that happened in

526
00:17:36,315 --> 00:17:38,909
the room either. Right? And so all I'm

527
00:17:38,909 --> 00:17:41,409
asking is that does your group honor

528
00:17:41,789 --> 00:17:44,029
what we know about what needs to be

529
00:17:44,029 --> 00:17:45,169
done? Right? Connection,

530
00:17:45,629 --> 00:17:46,129
relatability.

531
00:17:46,509 --> 00:17:49,009
Are you are you looking forward to recovery?

532
00:17:49,309 --> 00:17:50,829
Do they know how to help you? Do

533
00:17:50,829 --> 00:17:52,365
you know you know how to help yourself?

534
00:17:52,365 --> 00:17:54,204
Right? Is this is this a recovery tribe

535
00:17:54,204 --> 00:17:55,884
that's keeping you on track and making sure

536
00:17:55,884 --> 00:17:58,204
that your your recovery is efficient and as

537
00:17:58,204 --> 00:18:00,285
fast as possible? Or are you just walking

538
00:18:00,285 --> 00:18:01,804
into the room to check off the box?

539
00:18:01,804 --> 00:18:04,204
Because, again, that's that's not connection, and I

540
00:18:04,204 --> 00:18:06,605
I certainly wouldn't say that classifies as a

541
00:18:06,605 --> 00:18:09,059
good peer support group or a recovery group.

542
00:18:09,059 --> 00:18:11,559
Because remember, this is process addiction.

543
00:18:12,019 --> 00:18:13,700
This is process addiction. You need to know

544
00:18:13,700 --> 00:18:15,460
what those process are and you need to

545
00:18:15,460 --> 00:18:17,460
change them. If you're not changing your process

546
00:18:17,460 --> 00:18:17,960
addiction,

547
00:18:18,259 --> 00:18:19,400
relapse is imminent.

548
00:18:20,579 --> 00:18:22,119
Thanks for listening to this episode.

549
00:18:22,454 --> 00:18:23,894
If you are a high achiever with a

550
00:18:23,894 --> 00:18:25,815
sex addiction and you're looking for a recovery

551
00:18:25,815 --> 00:18:29,335
group full of like minded men, visit successfuladdict.com.

552
00:18:29,335 --> 00:18:32,214
We provide men with a recovery mastermind group

553
00:18:32,214 --> 00:18:35,029
using four day retreats, weekly group calls, and

554
00:18:35,029 --> 00:18:37,589
daily accountability check ins. If you wanna achieve

555
00:18:37,589 --> 00:18:40,069
long term sobriety and save your marriage, go

556
00:18:40,069 --> 00:18:41,690
to our website and fill out our application.

557
00:18:42,069 --> 00:18:44,470
If you enjoyed this episode, please pass it

558
00:18:44,470 --> 00:18:46,069
along to a friend in recovery who would

559
00:18:46,069 --> 00:18:48,069
benefit from listening. It is my mission to

560
00:18:48,069 --> 00:18:49,781
get this information out to as many high

561
00:18:49,781 --> 00:18:50,281
achievers

562
00:18:50,581 --> 00:18:52,421
as possible, and I can't do it without

563
00:18:52,421 --> 00:18:53,081
your help.