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This episode, I bring doctor Trish Lee. Trish

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Lee has a unique approach to porn addiction

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recovery. She actually uses the a brain scan,

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a EEG,

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to map the brain and look for the

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dysfunctional patterns. And in this episode, she talks

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about how she uses this strategy and then

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what she does from a treatment standpoint to

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help men overcome their compulsive behavior.

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You are listening to the sex addiction podcast

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for high achievers, business professionals, executives, and entrepreneurs.

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This podcast is designed to apply sobriety and

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recovery principles

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principles

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specifically to the mindset of the high achiever.

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I'm your host, Roland Cochran, founder of The

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Successful Addict, a recovery group for high achieving

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men struggling with sex and porn addiction. For

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more information about joining our group or attending

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our next retreat, visit successfuladdict.com.

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And now enjoy the rest of the episode.

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Hello. Hello, everybody. I am here with doctor

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Trish Lee and, this is gonna be a

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fun conversation, a bit different, than most of

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our conversations because Trish uses a different set

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of modalities. I'm I'm gonna have her kind

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of explain to you guys how she uses

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it, who she uses it for, and why

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it works. Hey. Well, thank you for having

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me. I really appreciate it, because I am

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on a mission to help people

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develop healthy sexuality. That's a reality.

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And healthy mood regulation skills because that's at

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the core, that's what we're talking about. So

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thank you. I do appreciate that.

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So the way that I address that and

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I pivoted into

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focusing my work on healthy sexuality and mood

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regulation

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about a decade ago after a very long

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career before that, helping people with neurological

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disorders and challenges overall.

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But the way that I help people is

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I can use advanced neuroscience technology

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to visualize how a person's brain is performing.

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It shows me if a person is using

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a

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dysfunctional brain pattern. And I know you might

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be thinking, oh, that's hyperbole. No. It's not.

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Because these are dysfunctional, dysregulated

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brain patterns at the core. And once we

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see what brain patterns you're using,

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it's literally the road map. It's called the

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QAG brain map, but it's the road map

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to figuring out

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why your behaviors

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are driven in a certain direction.

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And when it comes to compulsive sexuality,

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basically,

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your brain's chasing down the dopamine that was

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linked to sexuality

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a very long time ago. And, again, we

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can dive into that. But once I I

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identify that, I

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have my own app, doctor Trish Lee, where

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I can set custom protocols to then rewire

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a person's brain

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back to the healthy optimal brain pattern maybe

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for the first time ever. Mhmm. I love

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it. And it's the cool thing I love

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about it is I like to measure stuff.

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I think, you know, for a lot of

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high achieving men, one of the most frustrating

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pieces of the mental health space is

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it's theory and theory and theory and theory.

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And, you know, in in to defend the

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mental health career field, it kinda has to

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be theory because there, you know, there is

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a limit to what we can measure, right?

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There are there are neurons, they are firing,

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there's no there's neurotransmitter. So like, okay, there's

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some things that we can look at. But

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outside of that, you know, when you are

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playing with your six year old daughter and

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you are experiencing joy,

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we can measure

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some stuff, but I mean, think about the

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factors. I mean, you know, there's too many

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things that we can't actually measure. So, but

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what I love about this is,

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we actually are

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measuring

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something fairly specific to the point where,

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the results are actually showing that this might

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be effective.

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I've I it's you. There's another gal that

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does this. I'm sorry. I should stop you

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there. You're like I'm sorry. I have to

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stop you there.

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You're like, I can prove it. Yeah. And

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and I love So I want it. So

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but I want you to go there. You're

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a skeptic. I love it. I want you

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to go there because that's that's what everybody's

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wondering is freaking prove it. So here's your

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opportunity. Prove it. I can. Yeah. Absolutely. And,

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you know, if any of my clients who've

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told me this line, I'm a skeptic. Like,

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go. You know? I've heard that so many

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times, and I always joke. I love a

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good skeptic because Bring it on. Yeah. Numbers

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don't lie. And I always say what you

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just said is that, you know, we have

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a lot of working parts. There's many variables

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that will impact your brain performance.

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But when I work with people,

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I'm trying

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to dial down what those variables are once

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we get the brain moving in the right

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direction. And I can explain that to you.

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Yeah. Please. Please. There's there's measurable data. So,

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these cute first of all, let me back

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up for a second. The technology behind this

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has been around for over a hundred years.

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EEG has been around for a hundred twenty

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five years.

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I use EEG, electroencephalogram.

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Then EEG is a treatment modality

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in the way that I use it has

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been around for seventy years. There's a wealth

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of scientific

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literature

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that shows the efficacy. Mhmm. So I joke

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with people. I didn't, like, twist some wires

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together in my basement last week. You know?

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I've been doing this,

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with people for over a decade. I was

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a college professor researching this for the years

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before that.

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But And the and the and the technology,

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just for everybody listening, guys, it's not rocket

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science. Like, what it does is, you know,

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it has been around forever. What what we're

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talking about is not, like, this crazy

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what's cool, though, is we have more data

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now and more experience now so we can

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actually use it more effectively than we than

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we have. So I just wanted everybody to

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know, like, the stuff something out that isn't,

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you know, coming out of this horse's mouth,

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I guess, is that, you know how there's

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the Netflix show quarterback? Yeah. I forget which

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episode it is off top of my head,

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but there's an episode with Kirk Cousins where

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he uses neurofeedback

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for peak performance.

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And there's there's professional athletes.

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There are high level executives, like, in every

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single discipline that use this technology and have

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for a long time. Golfers, many of the

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golfers will use this because

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if you can optimize your brain performance,

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you can optimize your mind and your body.

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We know that. So,

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it's not rocket science. It's neuroscience, and there's

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been such advances in the last decade.

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And to speak to another one of your

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points, my husband and I have a brick

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and mortar practice. He runs it, where, you

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know, we have big computers with big transmitters

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and caps and gel and all that. And

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I've been telling my husband, I'm like, you

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have a landline, man.

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I've got a cell phone. You've got a

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landline.

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And everybody used to think that's better, but

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he's just made the decision. He's updating to

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cellular technology, which is amazing.

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So the way that it works is there's

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graphs and charts every single time a person

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does a session. You can see how your

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brain performed within and across the sessions. Then,

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of course, I have a wealth of data

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that we share with my clients once a

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month because you're totally right. I a lot

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of the peak performers I work with, they

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get obsessed with the data.

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Well, it's a fun thing. So on that

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note, so let's say I'm sexually compulsive.

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Let's use let's use,

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let's use pornography for example. So I have

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become addicted to pornography.

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I'm trying to stop. I've

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had some,

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let let's say that I've had some success,

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but I'm still struggling. Okay? So I come

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into your office.

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Walk me through

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what I'm saying. By the way. So Oh,

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I love that. Cool. Everything I do,

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it's a

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global,

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coaching company.

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So I work with people all over the

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world, literally all over the world. So

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when you sign up to work with me,

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basically, you take your brain map at home

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using my app and a simple piece of

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hardware,

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then your results pop up for you immediately.

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You usually can't interpret it, but then we

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get on a Zoom. I share my screen.

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I walk you through the whole thing.

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And if you're struggling with pornography, there's a

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reason. There's a need in your brain.

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Your brain needs dopamine, and it's been conditioned

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to get it from

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sexual,

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you know, content, explicit matter. That's the name

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of my book. I have a new book

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out. It's called Mind Over Explicit Matter. So

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I like to consider all explicit matter, whether

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it be screen based or for people who

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have sexually compulsive behavior. Mhmm. It's being acted

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out,

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in a in a way that we can

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go there in a second. But the idea

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is it's explicit matter. Your brain's been linked

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to it to get high levels of dopamine,

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which I consider it a four d dopamine

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cycle, which is relatable to people.

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When you think you're gonna watch porn, you

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get a hit of dopamine. That's a dopamine

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drip. Then you get a dopamine deluge. It

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moves you towards

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using porn. You feel it flowing in your

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system.

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Then there's a dopamine drowning. You feel numbed

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out. But, unfortunately, you go back into your

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life, you're left in a dopamine deficit.

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So if you're having some success, but you're

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not able to get all the way there,

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it's because your brain is using a brain

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pattern that needs high levels of dopamine,

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and it feels good when it gets it,

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but it's in a deficit deficit state when

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it doesn't. Mhmm. There's a need in there

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and I can see it. I call it

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strained brain. Mhmm. And you'll map it. Yeah.

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So

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so my guys, for the most part in

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my program, porn's not a massive issue.

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You know, they'll watch it but, like, when

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their wife's like, hey. I don't want you

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to watch it anymore. For the most part,

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it's pretty easy for the guys in my

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program to stop. You know, a lot of

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high achieving men,

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it's not so much porn objectification fantasy. A

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lot of them is

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they wanna conquest after a woman. They wanna

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physical exchange. I wanna interaction. They wanna compliment.

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They wanna flirt. They wanna look. Right? So

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if I am what what happens when I'm

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dealing with that? Because a lot of that's

266
00:09:41,649 --> 00:09:43,649
not really addictive. Like, let's say, I don't

267
00:09:43,649 --> 00:09:45,490
know. I'm busy. I got a couple months.

268
00:09:45,490 --> 00:09:46,529
I'm hanging out. We got a lot of

269
00:09:46,529 --> 00:09:48,209
family vacations. I just I haven't done a

270
00:09:48,209 --> 00:09:49,304
lot of, you know,

271
00:09:49,784 --> 00:09:52,825
flirting. I would just gently and lovingly, I

272
00:09:52,825 --> 00:09:53,964
would say it's addictive.

273
00:09:54,585 --> 00:09:56,904
Okay. Well, so so so so so so

274
00:09:56,904 --> 00:09:58,985
so so so prove that. Right? So so

275
00:09:58,985 --> 00:10:01,144
I'm so now I'm dealing with this issue.

276
00:10:01,144 --> 00:10:01,884
I'm having,

277
00:10:02,419 --> 00:10:04,019
let's say, an affair a year and three

278
00:10:04,019 --> 00:10:05,940
or four kind of, like, one night stand

279
00:10:05,940 --> 00:10:06,919
y kind of situations.

280
00:10:08,019 --> 00:10:09,620
So now I come to you. How does

281
00:10:09,620 --> 00:10:11,639
that differ from somebody who's,

282
00:10:12,179 --> 00:10:15,225
addicted to pornography or is it It's it's

283
00:10:15,464 --> 00:10:17,384
the same, but a little different. And I

284
00:10:17,384 --> 00:10:18,904
have a lot of clients, and many of

285
00:10:18,904 --> 00:10:20,044
them are peak performers

286
00:10:20,584 --> 00:10:22,985
who do, excuse me, act out in a

287
00:10:22,985 --> 00:10:24,444
compulsively sexual way

288
00:10:24,745 --> 00:10:27,464
with other people. Mhmm. And it has to

289
00:10:27,464 --> 00:10:28,444
do with control.

290
00:10:29,039 --> 00:10:31,940
It mostly has to do with external validation.

291
00:10:33,039 --> 00:10:35,039
And like you said, you wanna gaze. You

292
00:10:35,039 --> 00:10:37,519
want someone to want you. Mhmm. And I

293
00:10:37,519 --> 00:10:39,919
have the conversation with those people. Again, it's

294
00:10:39,919 --> 00:10:41,299
loving but firm,

295
00:10:41,774 --> 00:10:43,694
where I say you have choices in this

296
00:10:43,694 --> 00:10:45,294
thing. Like, why do you need it both

297
00:10:45,294 --> 00:10:48,355
ways? Mhmm. Right? And the reason is because

298
00:10:48,414 --> 00:10:50,654
that tension that it causes in the nervous

299
00:10:50,654 --> 00:10:53,694
system, for the peak performer, that feels good.

300
00:10:53,694 --> 00:10:54,834
They're used to

301
00:10:55,279 --> 00:10:58,720
existing in a high level state, but that

302
00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:02,340
high level state involves a level of anxiety

303
00:11:02,639 --> 00:11:04,179
and internal strain.

304
00:11:04,639 --> 00:11:07,460
So that strained brain can be very addictive

305
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:08,985
to a person. You know, you take a

306
00:11:08,985 --> 00:11:10,424
peak performer and you tell them to sit

307
00:11:10,424 --> 00:11:12,345
on a beach for two weeks, they're not

308
00:11:12,345 --> 00:11:13,644
able to do that because

309
00:11:14,664 --> 00:11:15,565
they're chasing

310
00:11:15,945 --> 00:11:19,245
a high that they get from strained brain.

311
00:11:19,625 --> 00:11:23,085
Mhmm. So their brain's conditioned in that way.

312
00:11:23,490 --> 00:11:25,750
Porn is different. Porn's more about

313
00:11:26,210 --> 00:11:27,110
self soothing,

314
00:11:27,809 --> 00:11:28,789
also stimulation.

315
00:11:29,409 --> 00:11:31,990
This aspect is more about

316
00:11:32,450 --> 00:11:32,950
stimulation

317
00:11:33,490 --> 00:11:36,129
with some self soothing. Sure. Sure. I agree.

318
00:11:36,129 --> 00:11:37,830
I like that. And, yeah, and and and,

319
00:11:38,165 --> 00:11:40,644
yeah, I I I I it's a I

320
00:11:40,644 --> 00:11:42,804
like to call it process addiction because a

321
00:11:42,804 --> 00:11:43,684
lot of these guys are like, oh, no,

322
00:11:43,684 --> 00:11:44,884
no, no. I'm not addicted to sex and

323
00:11:44,884 --> 00:11:45,384
porn,

324
00:11:46,644 --> 00:11:48,804
but they're engaging in this. And and I

325
00:11:48,804 --> 00:11:50,325
see why they say that, right, because the

326
00:11:50,325 --> 00:11:53,000
frequency is, not, you know, it's not consistent.

327
00:11:53,059 --> 00:11:54,820
It it ebbs and flows. Here's how I

328
00:11:54,899 --> 00:11:57,299
here's my rebuttal always back to that though

329
00:11:57,299 --> 00:11:57,799
is,

330
00:11:58,980 --> 00:12:01,480
yes, your process addiction sometimes

331
00:12:01,940 --> 00:12:04,100
is sexual and sometimes is not. But I

332
00:12:04,100 --> 00:12:05,879
think if we looked at the process,

333
00:12:06,695 --> 00:12:09,575
you flirting with her and then you getting

334
00:12:09,575 --> 00:12:10,794
this guy to,

335
00:12:11,335 --> 00:12:12,475
admire your wristwatch,

336
00:12:13,414 --> 00:12:15,654
they're not that unsimilar. Right? It's a it's

337
00:12:15,654 --> 00:12:17,575
this it's this grasping. And so I think

338
00:12:17,575 --> 00:12:19,975
when guys think they've been sexually sober for

339
00:12:19,975 --> 00:12:21,355
two or three months, it's like,

340
00:12:21,759 --> 00:12:23,120
yeah. But, I mean, have you engaged in

341
00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:24,579
the same thought process,

342
00:12:24,879 --> 00:12:27,360
just not sexually? Right? So Yeah. And for

343
00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:30,159
for me, it's a matter of, okay, your

344
00:12:30,159 --> 00:12:33,039
brain's in this mode. It needs dopamine from

345
00:12:33,039 --> 00:12:34,179
somewhere. Sure.

346
00:12:34,485 --> 00:12:36,725
So if either your brain's in that mode

347
00:12:36,725 --> 00:12:38,644
or it's not, and it's in the mode

348
00:12:38,644 --> 00:12:39,464
on a continuum.

349
00:12:39,924 --> 00:12:41,544
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're doing that. Continuum

350
00:12:41,565 --> 00:12:43,924
that continuum can ebb and flow, and it

351
00:12:43,924 --> 00:12:46,345
usually does. I call it the pendulum effect.

352
00:12:46,669 --> 00:12:49,889
So the pendulum swings back and forth. And

353
00:12:50,110 --> 00:12:52,769
if a person's getting dopamine from multiple sources,

354
00:12:52,909 --> 00:12:55,629
they can you know, a process addiction can

355
00:12:55,629 --> 00:12:59,325
be multiple behaviors that add up to that.

356
00:12:59,485 --> 00:13:00,225
But, fundamentally,

357
00:13:01,165 --> 00:13:02,544
if you have a regulated

358
00:13:03,325 --> 00:13:03,825
brain,

359
00:13:04,524 --> 00:13:08,285
it doesn't need high levels of dopamine from

360
00:13:08,285 --> 00:13:09,345
external validation.

361
00:13:09,804 --> 00:13:13,024
And, honestly, I believe there's an identity crisis

362
00:13:13,245 --> 00:13:14,065
at hand.

363
00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:15,800
And, you know, a lot of my clients

364
00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:18,279
come to realize that that it is about

365
00:13:18,279 --> 00:13:21,580
having strong identity, knowing exactly what you want,

366
00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:24,139
being able to self validate,

367
00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:26,139
and to not need

368
00:13:26,454 --> 00:13:27,274
external validation.

369
00:13:27,575 --> 00:13:28,774
Right. And then and when you look at

370
00:13:28,774 --> 00:13:29,274
recovery

371
00:13:29,575 --> 00:13:32,134
instead of sobriety, that's really what, you know,

372
00:13:32,134 --> 00:13:33,274
I have found is,

373
00:13:33,735 --> 00:13:36,054
the people who recovery, yeah, they go they

374
00:13:36,054 --> 00:13:37,595
go on a deeper journey,

375
00:13:38,214 --> 00:13:38,714
to

376
00:13:39,330 --> 00:13:42,550
find the actual thing that to your point,

377
00:13:42,610 --> 00:13:44,210
you know, that regulation, you know, I think

378
00:13:44,210 --> 00:13:44,950
it's too often

379
00:13:45,570 --> 00:13:47,889
we too often when people hear that, that's

380
00:13:47,889 --> 00:13:50,450
like, oh, I'm not gonna use, sexual compulsive

381
00:13:50,450 --> 00:13:52,529
behavior to regulate. I'm gonna use other things

382
00:13:52,529 --> 00:13:54,165
to regulate. I'm always

383
00:13:54,545 --> 00:13:57,345
like, yeah. That's fine, but, man, how nice

384
00:13:57,345 --> 00:14:00,085
would it be to not need either. Right?

385
00:14:00,144 --> 00:14:02,545
Yeah. And I think people miss out then,

386
00:14:02,545 --> 00:14:04,245
honestly. Like, I told you

387
00:14:04,625 --> 00:14:06,705
when we first started talking that my goal

388
00:14:06,705 --> 00:14:09,629
is for people to have healthy sexuality and

389
00:14:09,629 --> 00:14:12,029
healthy mood regulation. So, like, if you're just

390
00:14:12,029 --> 00:14:15,009
staying away from behaviors, that's what sobriety is.

391
00:14:15,470 --> 00:14:17,889
You robbed yourself of the opportunity

392
00:14:18,350 --> 00:14:19,570
for self transformation.

393
00:14:20,350 --> 00:14:22,365
You and you know how I said, and

394
00:14:22,365 --> 00:14:24,464
I believe I know this to be true,

395
00:14:24,605 --> 00:14:27,004
that most people who are caught up in

396
00:14:27,004 --> 00:14:27,504
compulsive

397
00:14:28,205 --> 00:14:29,105
sexual behaviors,

398
00:14:29,485 --> 00:14:32,284
they've never used an optimized brain pattern because

399
00:14:32,284 --> 00:14:34,445
their brain got hooked on that dopamine during

400
00:14:34,445 --> 00:14:35,985
the developmental years.

401
00:14:37,230 --> 00:14:39,389
So then if you keep your brain in

402
00:14:39,389 --> 00:14:41,470
that mode and you're just staying away from

403
00:14:41,470 --> 00:14:44,269
things, you never get to find out who

404
00:14:44,269 --> 00:14:47,310
you truly can be without the need for

405
00:14:47,310 --> 00:14:49,904
these things. Mhmm. And, like, the one client

406
00:14:49,904 --> 00:14:51,585
that I just talked the one who's in

407
00:14:51,585 --> 00:14:53,764
my mind who I just talked to recently,

408
00:14:54,865 --> 00:14:56,785
he's like, you know, I've been saying to

409
00:14:56,785 --> 00:14:58,965
him for a long time. Too long, honestly.

410
00:14:59,665 --> 00:15:01,585
The program that I offer is four months,

411
00:15:01,585 --> 00:15:03,750
so it's been longer than that. And it's

412
00:15:03,750 --> 00:15:07,429
because he's he is, like, maintaining sobriety, but

413
00:15:07,429 --> 00:15:09,370
he hasn't figured out some of the things.

414
00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:11,429
So he's married, and he broke up with

415
00:15:11,429 --> 00:15:13,590
his girlfriend. But then the girlfriend keeps trying

416
00:15:13,590 --> 00:15:14,570
to get him back.

417
00:15:15,269 --> 00:15:16,889
Long story short, he's like

418
00:15:17,785 --> 00:15:19,865
he's like, I think I might wanna be

419
00:15:19,865 --> 00:15:21,384
with her. And I can see his brain.

420
00:15:21,384 --> 00:15:23,004
I'm like, your brain's highly dysregulated.

421
00:15:23,384 --> 00:15:25,305
I would not make this choice right now.

422
00:15:25,305 --> 00:15:27,625
Anyways, a few minutes later, he's already cheating

423
00:15:27,625 --> 00:15:29,965
on her. He's already cheating on the girlfriend.

424
00:15:30,345 --> 00:15:32,100
So I said to him, like, do you

425
00:15:32,100 --> 00:15:34,419
see how leaving your wife for her just

426
00:15:34,419 --> 00:15:37,139
puts you in the same position again because

427
00:15:37,139 --> 00:15:39,299
you're already or you're already cheating on her

428
00:15:39,299 --> 00:15:42,100
with somebody else? That's not a decision. So

429
00:15:42,100 --> 00:15:43,779
this is the thing. Like, people think they

430
00:15:43,779 --> 00:15:45,799
can make those decisions around it.

431
00:15:46,365 --> 00:15:49,105
Once their brain is free from the need,

432
00:15:49,485 --> 00:15:52,144
there's such clarity. There's such confidence.

433
00:15:52,924 --> 00:15:54,125
And, you know, that's why I said to

434
00:15:54,125 --> 00:15:55,745
him. I'm like, don't make any decisions

435
00:15:56,125 --> 00:15:57,725
who you wanna be with at all until

436
00:15:57,725 --> 00:15:59,509
you can get that clarity. Yeah. And it's

437
00:15:59,509 --> 00:16:01,269
it's funny you mentioned that. I I one

438
00:16:01,269 --> 00:16:02,710
of the funny things that happens in my

439
00:16:02,710 --> 00:16:05,110
groups is guys will two x or three

440
00:16:05,110 --> 00:16:07,429
x their income. And it's funny because it's

441
00:16:07,429 --> 00:16:09,269
not like we're talking about business, but to

442
00:16:09,269 --> 00:16:11,990
your point, when you start treating when you

443
00:16:11,990 --> 00:16:12,490
start

444
00:16:12,995 --> 00:16:14,534
honoring your brain

445
00:16:14,995 --> 00:16:17,975
rather than just letting it run you,

446
00:16:18,914 --> 00:16:20,514
you you do. You start just making better

447
00:16:20,514 --> 00:16:22,674
decisions in in all areas of life. So

448
00:16:22,674 --> 00:16:24,455
one thing I want to talk about,

449
00:16:25,196 --> 00:16:26,690
at a time Can I just say one

450
00:16:26,690 --> 00:16:28,850
thing there for one second? I'm sorry to

451
00:16:28,850 --> 00:16:30,529
cut you off. Then we can pivot. Is

452
00:16:30,529 --> 00:16:31,029
that

453
00:16:31,649 --> 00:16:33,269
work can be very addictive.

454
00:16:33,649 --> 00:16:35,330
Like, a lot of my clients, and I'm

455
00:16:35,330 --> 00:16:36,629
sure you see this too,

456
00:16:37,264 --> 00:16:39,024
they will make a lot more money or

457
00:16:39,024 --> 00:16:41,264
they get super fit. And they're just getting

458
00:16:41,264 --> 00:16:41,924
the dopamine

459
00:16:42,304 --> 00:16:46,325
from work, from fitness. Yep. And for me,

460
00:16:47,345 --> 00:16:49,504
the, you know, the approach that I have

461
00:16:49,504 --> 00:16:51,820
is a five prong approach, neurological

462
00:16:52,279 --> 00:16:53,100
brain function,

463
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:54,700
psychological,

464
00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:57,980
helping people to have a healthier mind, biological,

465
00:16:58,200 --> 00:16:59,100
getting fit,

466
00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:02,620
social relationships, and spiritual, but it requires balance.

467
00:17:02,705 --> 00:17:04,785
Yeah. So, like, if people double down and

468
00:17:04,785 --> 00:17:06,384
don't get me wrong. I'm all about, you

469
00:17:06,384 --> 00:17:06,884
know,

470
00:17:07,265 --> 00:17:10,005
increasing your income and being on purpose, but

471
00:17:10,065 --> 00:17:11,984
it can be a catch 22. So for

472
00:17:11,984 --> 00:17:12,484
your

473
00:17:12,785 --> 00:17:15,599
viewers or your listeners, it's like, okay. Are

474
00:17:15,599 --> 00:17:18,160
you balanced in that, or are you chasing

475
00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:20,160
down the high through your work? Yeah. Yeah.

476
00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:22,160
Yeah. For years, I was caught in that

477
00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:24,500
position where I didn't know how to relax.

478
00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:27,299
Mhmm. When you have a balanced nervous system,

479
00:17:27,404 --> 00:17:28,845
at the end of the day, you can

480
00:17:28,845 --> 00:17:31,345
go chill with your people. Whichever people you

481
00:17:31,724 --> 00:17:32,924
choose, you can chill with them. You don't

482
00:17:32,924 --> 00:17:34,765
need them to stimulate you. You don't need

483
00:17:34,765 --> 00:17:37,404
them to soothe you. You're all good on

484
00:17:37,404 --> 00:17:39,085
the inside. You just get to enjoy being

485
00:17:39,085 --> 00:17:41,164
with them. Mhmm. Yeah. There there there's no

486
00:17:41,164 --> 00:17:43,630
agenda. Right? Presence. Presence. And and and and

487
00:17:44,109 --> 00:17:46,509
Mhmm. That and but and I I appreciate

488
00:17:46,509 --> 00:17:48,029
you bringing that up because, you know, when

489
00:17:48,029 --> 00:17:48,529
I,

490
00:17:51,230 --> 00:17:53,390
when I look at this, to me, I

491
00:17:53,390 --> 00:17:55,005
I I don't like calling it sex addiction

492
00:17:55,005 --> 00:17:57,005
porn addiction. I like calling it process addiction

493
00:17:57,005 --> 00:17:59,585
because I I think zooming in too much

494
00:18:00,285 --> 00:18:00,785
misses,

495
00:18:01,644 --> 00:18:03,404
a lot of pieces. I would say these

496
00:18:03,484 --> 00:18:06,625
I would say my clients, their bigger problems

497
00:18:06,765 --> 00:18:08,464
is their superiority complex,

498
00:18:09,899 --> 00:18:11,899
the validation and value they get from work

499
00:18:11,899 --> 00:18:14,299
and revenue production, and, and and,

500
00:18:14,700 --> 00:18:16,779
passive revenue per I mean, they they hang

501
00:18:16,779 --> 00:18:18,779
their hat on these things. And I think

502
00:18:18,779 --> 00:18:21,099
when we zoom out and we look at

503
00:18:21,099 --> 00:18:22,799
everything that's being used,

504
00:18:24,255 --> 00:18:26,494
you know, society has said, oh, there's nothing

505
00:18:26,494 --> 00:18:28,335
wrong with that. And so usually people don't

506
00:18:28,335 --> 00:18:29,855
look at it. And it's like, well, I

507
00:18:29,855 --> 00:18:31,455
don't know the way you're the way you're

508
00:18:31,455 --> 00:18:33,775
using it. If that was anything but work

509
00:18:33,775 --> 00:18:35,795
and you were in any country but America,

510
00:18:36,250 --> 00:18:39,049
someone might criticize your behavior because it doesn't

511
00:18:39,049 --> 00:18:40,809
look healthy. It looks you know, the things

512
00:18:40,809 --> 00:18:41,609
that you're doing

513
00:18:42,250 --> 00:18:44,589
the the things that you're prioritizing that over

514
00:18:44,970 --> 00:18:47,609
are very unhuman. And, in this country, we

515
00:18:47,609 --> 00:18:50,085
don't we're not alarmed by it because everyone's

516
00:18:50,085 --> 00:18:52,244
doing it. That's why a healthy brain map

517
00:18:52,404 --> 00:18:54,244
like, I just I just filmed a show

518
00:18:54,244 --> 00:18:55,704
where, you know, one gentleman,

519
00:18:57,044 --> 00:18:58,345
you know, he

520
00:18:58,724 --> 00:19:01,044
said that, oh, you know, I I probably

521
00:19:01,044 --> 00:19:03,285
have the really regulated brain map. But just

522
00:19:03,285 --> 00:19:05,930
few of the things, I'm like, probably not.

523
00:19:05,930 --> 00:19:08,109
You know? And just because

524
00:19:08,570 --> 00:19:10,730
when you have a regulated brain map, it

525
00:19:10,730 --> 00:19:13,769
falls out in the behaviors of your mind

526
00:19:13,769 --> 00:19:16,089
and body and your circadian rhythms. You can

527
00:19:16,089 --> 00:19:19,184
sleep. You you can chill. You know? Number

528
00:19:19,184 --> 00:19:20,644
one, if you can't relax,

529
00:19:21,265 --> 00:19:24,065
if your sleep is disrupted Mhmm. And if

530
00:19:24,065 --> 00:19:26,704
you don't have a balanced life of work,

531
00:19:26,704 --> 00:19:27,845
hobbies, and

532
00:19:28,144 --> 00:19:28,644
relationship

533
00:19:29,505 --> 00:19:32,304
quality, then, you know, there's probably something off

534
00:19:32,304 --> 00:19:34,529
in your in your brain performance.

535
00:19:34,830 --> 00:19:36,690
Mhmm. Yeah. It's a it's a,

536
00:19:37,789 --> 00:19:39,710
the the the thing I like about the

537
00:19:39,710 --> 00:19:42,130
brain map concept and idea is

538
00:19:42,910 --> 00:19:45,309
it's it really is in align with how

539
00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:47,470
I see things, which is, hey. Let's zoom

540
00:19:47,470 --> 00:19:49,484
out and just look at like, let's stop

541
00:19:49,484 --> 00:19:51,085
focusing. I mean, we only talk about sex

542
00:19:51,085 --> 00:19:53,005
and porn for so long. Like, in the

543
00:19:53,005 --> 00:19:54,525
end, what is there to talk about? Like,

544
00:19:54,525 --> 00:19:57,964
let's let's really look at compulsive behavior, and

545
00:19:57,964 --> 00:19:59,805
let's just look at the entire system. I

546
00:19:59,805 --> 00:20:02,285
think just flipping over the porn stone and

547
00:20:02,285 --> 00:20:04,125
the sex stone and only looking under those

548
00:20:04,125 --> 00:20:06,740
two No. Those are a symptom. Correct. Correct.

549
00:20:06,900 --> 00:20:07,400
Symptom

550
00:20:07,940 --> 00:20:11,000
of neurological dysregulation, and we know this. Scientifically,

551
00:20:11,940 --> 00:20:12,759
it's proven

552
00:20:13,140 --> 00:20:13,640
that

553
00:20:14,019 --> 00:20:15,000
in any compulsion,

554
00:20:15,460 --> 00:20:17,234
you know, whether it be food, whether it

555
00:20:17,315 --> 00:20:19,795
be behavior, whether it be substances, in any

556
00:20:19,795 --> 00:20:21,714
compulsion I like to use the word compulsion

557
00:20:21,714 --> 00:20:23,154
over addiction. Yeah. Me too. I think a

558
00:20:23,154 --> 00:20:25,514
lot of people, addiction doesn't resonate. But Mhmm.

559
00:20:25,714 --> 00:20:28,835
Basically, compulsion is the need to do something

560
00:20:28,835 --> 00:20:30,134
or to use something.

561
00:20:30,595 --> 00:20:31,095
So

562
00:20:31,460 --> 00:20:33,079
it went in any compulsion,

563
00:20:33,619 --> 00:20:35,880
we know that at the core is neurological

564
00:20:36,180 --> 00:20:36,680
dysregulation.

565
00:20:37,299 --> 00:20:39,619
Then there's disruptions Yeah. In the mind and

566
00:20:39,619 --> 00:20:41,859
the body. You know? First and foremost, I

567
00:20:41,859 --> 00:20:44,875
call it the silent tsunami because a tsunami

568
00:20:44,875 --> 00:20:46,714
has a crack in the ocean floor that

569
00:20:46,714 --> 00:20:48,954
nobody has any clue by the time the

570
00:20:48,954 --> 00:20:50,335
wave gets to the shore.

571
00:20:50,795 --> 00:20:51,934
You know? That was

572
00:20:52,315 --> 00:20:54,255
a far away and deep, deep below.

573
00:20:54,634 --> 00:20:56,555
Mhmm. Yeah. It's a a I so well

574
00:20:56,555 --> 00:20:58,619
so well said. So I want to talk

575
00:20:58,619 --> 00:21:00,299
about I can't believe this has never come

576
00:21:00,299 --> 00:21:01,820
up on my podcast. I can't believe this.

577
00:21:01,820 --> 00:21:03,039
I don't know why because

578
00:21:03,340 --> 00:21:05,259
you know it's you know it's a problem

579
00:21:05,259 --> 00:21:05,759
statistically,

580
00:21:06,539 --> 00:21:08,720
and that's erectile dysfunction and,

581
00:21:09,674 --> 00:21:11,674
the effect that porn has on it. And

582
00:21:11,674 --> 00:21:13,515
there's a lot of guys who I'm sure

583
00:21:13,515 --> 00:21:14,975
you've seen this who,

584
00:21:16,154 --> 00:21:18,875
they are very defensive that porn is causing

585
00:21:18,875 --> 00:21:20,015
their erectile dysfunction.

586
00:21:20,555 --> 00:21:22,555
I Mhmm. I'm not sure why they wanna

587
00:21:22,555 --> 00:21:24,315
defend that. I think it's because they don't

588
00:21:24,315 --> 00:21:24,779
want

589
00:21:25,180 --> 00:21:27,340
to bear the guilt that maybe they caused

590
00:21:27,340 --> 00:21:28,859
the problem, and they want it to be

591
00:21:28,859 --> 00:21:30,320
something else. But, nonetheless,

592
00:21:30,859 --> 00:21:32,539
statistically, this is an issue. I don't hear

593
00:21:32,539 --> 00:21:33,420
about it a lot in my groups, and

594
00:21:33,420 --> 00:21:34,799
I think it's just because guys,

595
00:21:35,420 --> 00:21:37,019
probably the guys who are affected by it

596
00:21:37,019 --> 00:21:38,859
are too embarrassed and don't wanna bring it

597
00:21:38,859 --> 00:21:39,285
up.

598
00:21:40,005 --> 00:21:41,605
But it's a very, very real thing, and

599
00:21:41,605 --> 00:21:42,105
I've,

600
00:21:42,724 --> 00:21:44,965
you know, it's I see we're seeing a

601
00:21:44,965 --> 00:21:46,805
lot more in younger and younger and younger

602
00:21:46,805 --> 00:21:47,785
and younger men.

603
00:21:49,205 --> 00:21:50,724
Talk to us a bit about, you know,

604
00:21:50,724 --> 00:21:52,505
for the for the people who are unaware

605
00:21:52,565 --> 00:21:53,065
of

606
00:21:53,609 --> 00:21:56,329
why and how pornography can cause this, can

607
00:21:56,329 --> 00:21:57,369
you give us a little bit of the

608
00:21:57,369 --> 00:21:59,690
background and then dive into the treatment strategy

609
00:21:59,690 --> 00:22:01,930
that you choose? Yeah. For sure. So first

610
00:22:01,930 --> 00:22:04,490
of all, there's studies that show that erectile

611
00:22:04,490 --> 00:22:05,865
dysfunction in young men

612
00:22:06,505 --> 00:22:07,005
skyrocketing

613
00:22:07,545 --> 00:22:08,045
significantly

614
00:22:08,424 --> 00:22:11,164
on the rise and linked to porn consumption.

615
00:22:12,025 --> 00:22:14,345
References are in my book if nobody believes

616
00:22:14,345 --> 00:22:15,785
me. And I can even tell you there's

617
00:22:15,785 --> 00:22:16,684
a 2016

618
00:22:16,744 --> 00:22:19,804
study that looked at porn in the relationship

619
00:22:19,865 --> 00:22:22,690
to ED that showed that young men who

620
00:22:22,690 --> 00:22:25,730
had ED consume porn opposed to those who

621
00:22:25,730 --> 00:22:29,090
didn't didn't have ED. When those people gave

622
00:22:29,090 --> 00:22:29,830
up porn,

623
00:22:30,210 --> 00:22:32,390
erectile function came back online.

624
00:22:32,690 --> 00:22:33,190
So,

625
00:22:34,210 --> 00:22:36,164
we know this. Like, it's very much supported

626
00:22:36,164 --> 00:22:38,244
by the hard to wrap your wrap your

627
00:22:38,244 --> 00:22:40,424
brain around. I mean, makes sense, doesn't it?

628
00:22:40,565 --> 00:22:42,244
And it goes back to what I just

629
00:22:42,244 --> 00:22:45,125
said in that four d dopamine cycle. So

630
00:22:45,125 --> 00:22:48,345
what happens is when you drown your reward

631
00:22:48,404 --> 00:22:48,904
center

632
00:22:49,410 --> 00:22:50,230
in dopamine

633
00:22:50,690 --> 00:22:52,470
at artificially high levels,

634
00:22:53,009 --> 00:22:55,590
we know scientifically that it desensitizes

635
00:22:56,210 --> 00:22:59,269
the d two dopamine receptors in those areas.

636
00:22:59,890 --> 00:23:02,369
At the same time, the reward pathways feed

637
00:23:02,369 --> 00:23:03,910
forward to the frontal lobe.

638
00:23:04,414 --> 00:23:06,575
The frontal lobe has been shown in multiple

639
00:23:06,575 --> 00:23:08,835
studies to decrease in structure,

640
00:23:09,375 --> 00:23:11,315
brain cell structure, and function,

641
00:23:11,855 --> 00:23:12,914
which is called hypofrontality.

642
00:23:13,454 --> 00:23:16,515
Knocks out the frontal lobe, decreased functioning,

643
00:23:17,049 --> 00:23:20,089
which the frontal lobe is what differentiates us

644
00:23:20,089 --> 00:23:21,070
from animals.

645
00:23:21,690 --> 00:23:24,349
So the idea is that's where executive function,

646
00:23:25,210 --> 00:23:26,349
planning, organization,

647
00:23:26,970 --> 00:23:28,509
impulse control, judgment.

648
00:23:29,305 --> 00:23:30,984
It's the captain of the ship. So I

649
00:23:30,984 --> 00:23:32,904
often talk about our frontal lobe is the

650
00:23:32,904 --> 00:23:35,224
captain. In the reward center, it's like the

651
00:23:35,224 --> 00:23:37,144
belly of the ship. There's a gorilla in

652
00:23:37,144 --> 00:23:39,005
there who only wants bananas.

653
00:23:39,545 --> 00:23:42,345
Bananas all day long. That's the compulsion. It's

654
00:23:42,345 --> 00:23:44,669
the need to satisfy that. But if you

655
00:23:44,669 --> 00:23:45,730
do it,

656
00:23:46,349 --> 00:23:50,349
porn is considered porn and I will extend

657
00:23:50,349 --> 00:23:52,909
that to sexual acting out, and this is

658
00:23:52,909 --> 00:23:54,990
the conversation I said we'll get to later.

659
00:23:54,990 --> 00:23:56,509
Let me extend it for a second, and

660
00:23:56,509 --> 00:23:57,869
then I'll tell you what I was gonna

661
00:23:57,869 --> 00:23:58,769
say is that

662
00:24:00,365 --> 00:24:03,105
when you act out sexually with a partner

663
00:24:03,404 --> 00:24:04,625
that isn't,

664
00:24:05,085 --> 00:24:07,644
let's just call it emotionally intelligent, and I

665
00:24:07,644 --> 00:24:09,724
know if this might rub some people the

666
00:24:09,724 --> 00:24:10,464
wrong way,

667
00:24:10,765 --> 00:24:14,380
emotional intelligence is wanting to have a balanced

668
00:24:14,380 --> 00:24:16,799
sex sexual experience. There's very definitive

669
00:24:17,580 --> 00:24:21,100
differences between healthy sexuality and addictive sexuality. They've

670
00:24:21,100 --> 00:24:22,480
been they've been,

671
00:24:23,580 --> 00:24:24,080
outlined.

672
00:24:24,539 --> 00:24:25,039
So

673
00:24:25,785 --> 00:24:28,684
addictive sexuality is about getting as much dopamine

674
00:24:28,744 --> 00:24:29,965
as humanly possible.

675
00:24:30,424 --> 00:24:31,884
So even if you're

676
00:24:32,265 --> 00:24:32,765
objectifying

677
00:24:33,225 --> 00:24:35,865
another person and you're using that person for

678
00:24:35,865 --> 00:24:39,085
that dopamine rush, it's very similar. I actually

679
00:24:39,144 --> 00:24:41,759
consider it to be an escalation behavior out

680
00:24:41,759 --> 00:24:42,259
of

681
00:24:42,559 --> 00:24:44,339
a porn influenced lifestyle.

682
00:24:45,119 --> 00:24:47,039
So you're you're trying to get these dopamine

683
00:24:47,039 --> 00:24:50,339
hits with a person who's willing to do

684
00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:52,160
any and all of the things that you

685
00:24:52,160 --> 00:24:54,339
want done for the most pleasure for you.

686
00:24:54,799 --> 00:24:56,400
And you know how you said, like, there's

687
00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:57,285
kind of some,

688
00:24:58,484 --> 00:25:00,025
complex about superiority.

689
00:25:00,404 --> 00:25:02,565
Mhmm. We know that there's an increase in

690
00:25:02,565 --> 00:25:03,065
narcissism

691
00:25:03,525 --> 00:25:04,984
because of this phenomena.

692
00:25:05,285 --> 00:25:07,705
Mhmm. What it has to do with is

693
00:25:08,244 --> 00:25:10,005
sexual acting out in this way is a

694
00:25:10,005 --> 00:25:11,224
supernormal stimulus.

695
00:25:11,819 --> 00:25:14,159
Basically, it floods your brain with more dopamine

696
00:25:14,220 --> 00:25:17,380
than you could get from a healthy Mhmm.

697
00:25:17,500 --> 00:25:20,480
Quote, unquote, normal stimulus in the real world.

698
00:25:20,619 --> 00:25:22,319
The way I consider it is

699
00:25:22,779 --> 00:25:26,299
healthy stimuli are on a scale of zero

700
00:25:26,299 --> 00:25:26,960
to 10.

701
00:25:27,704 --> 00:25:30,044
Zero to five would be boring or depressing

702
00:25:30,184 --> 00:25:30,684
stimuli.

703
00:25:30,984 --> 00:25:31,964
Five to 10.

704
00:25:32,505 --> 00:25:35,085
Five is healthy baseline arousal.

705
00:25:35,544 --> 00:25:38,585
That's that optimized brain map. So if your

706
00:25:38,585 --> 00:25:40,664
baseline is at five, now it's time to

707
00:25:40,664 --> 00:25:43,150
have a sexual experience, and you're able to

708
00:25:43,150 --> 00:25:45,789
be turned on or aroused by an eight

709
00:25:45,789 --> 00:25:47,490
or a nine on that scale.

710
00:25:47,789 --> 00:25:49,710
If your brain is conditioned to need a

711
00:25:49,710 --> 00:25:50,849
15 to 20,

712
00:25:51,470 --> 00:25:53,950
you're used to that. You're used to all

713
00:25:53,950 --> 00:25:56,115
the bells and whistles. You're used to the

714
00:25:56,115 --> 00:25:59,015
three ring circus of pleasure for you.

715
00:25:59,394 --> 00:26:00,914
Now you go to be with a partner

716
00:26:00,914 --> 00:26:04,855
who is into that emotionally intelligent, healthy sexuality,

717
00:26:05,394 --> 00:26:08,055
and it can't compare. There's anywhere between,

718
00:26:08,410 --> 00:26:11,130
you know, a seven to 15

719
00:26:11,130 --> 00:26:12,190
spread in arousal.

720
00:26:13,130 --> 00:26:15,230
That's how a person gets ED because

721
00:26:15,529 --> 00:26:18,170
they need eight more points of arousal to

722
00:26:18,170 --> 00:26:20,430
get there than they could possibly do.

723
00:26:20,980 --> 00:26:22,965
Explained. Yes. So well explained. And I think

724
00:26:22,965 --> 00:26:24,325
everyone can wrap their head around that. I

725
00:26:24,325 --> 00:26:25,684
mean, again, it's not a it's not a

726
00:26:25,684 --> 00:26:27,285
hard thing to to to to come to

727
00:26:27,285 --> 00:26:28,884
understand. And this is I was talking to

728
00:26:28,884 --> 00:26:29,705
another gentleman

729
00:26:30,244 --> 00:26:32,805
who's, really involved at the at the, at

730
00:26:32,805 --> 00:26:33,125
the,

731
00:26:33,765 --> 00:26:36,869
in Washington at the capital level around adult,

732
00:26:37,269 --> 00:26:39,269
content and adult you know, on the entertainment

733
00:26:39,269 --> 00:26:39,769
industry.

734
00:26:40,309 --> 00:26:42,390
And he is a he's a wealthy dude,

735
00:26:42,390 --> 00:26:43,849
billionaire, and he's

736
00:26:44,309 --> 00:26:45,289
just very passionate

737
00:26:46,230 --> 00:26:48,390
about what he's seeing coming down. And there

738
00:26:48,390 --> 00:26:50,809
are billions upon billions upon billions upon billions

739
00:26:51,045 --> 00:26:53,065
of dollars right now being pumped into

740
00:26:53,525 --> 00:26:56,505
virtual reality and virtual sexual experiences.

741
00:26:57,525 --> 00:27:00,325
And their target is teens. That's their target.

742
00:27:00,325 --> 00:27:01,684
Yeah. And, Terrible.

743
00:27:02,085 --> 00:27:04,404
It is because think about this. If you're

744
00:27:04,789 --> 00:27:06,549
to your point, you were talking about, like,

745
00:27:06,549 --> 00:27:07,210
a 20.

746
00:27:07,750 --> 00:27:10,069
AI and AI experiences are going to be

747
00:27:10,069 --> 00:27:12,149
thirty, forty, 50 on a a scale of

748
00:27:12,149 --> 00:27:14,069
a 10. So if if if a 10

749
00:27:14,069 --> 00:27:16,549
out of 10 human experience in in the

750
00:27:16,549 --> 00:27:18,490
real world with another human

751
00:27:18,924 --> 00:27:21,484
is a 10 at best at best, by

752
00:27:21,484 --> 00:27:23,884
the way. That that means best possible sex

753
00:27:23,884 --> 00:27:25,565
you could ever have. Right. But then the

754
00:27:25,565 --> 00:27:27,325
AI can give you a 50, a 60,

755
00:27:27,325 --> 00:27:27,984
a 70.

756
00:27:28,365 --> 00:27:30,365
Because again, now, you know, we're talking about

757
00:27:30,365 --> 00:27:32,365
having sex with somebody who never who isn't

758
00:27:32,365 --> 00:27:34,079
even real. Right? So, I mean, there's really

759
00:27:34,079 --> 00:27:36,319
endless amount of possibilities. What can we do

760
00:27:36,319 --> 00:27:37,859
to the brain? I mean, it's just scary.

761
00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:40,819
It is crushing masculine vitality.

762
00:27:41,119 --> 00:27:43,119
Yeah. And if any viewer is mad at

763
00:27:43,119 --> 00:27:44,960
me, I'm mad too. So that makes two

764
00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:45,440
of us

765
00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:47,140
honestly,

766
00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:49,984
like, you know, honest I we could be

767
00:27:49,984 --> 00:27:51,825
here for hours and hours and hours talking

768
00:27:51,825 --> 00:27:52,804
about this and

769
00:27:53,105 --> 00:27:55,505
passionately go down every single round of applause.

770
00:27:55,505 --> 00:27:57,125
You and you and I would be

771
00:27:57,585 --> 00:27:58,085
wildly

772
00:27:58,625 --> 00:28:01,450
angry about because it it's I believe it's

773
00:28:01,529 --> 00:28:04,009
I I genuinely believe that if we sit

774
00:28:04,009 --> 00:28:06,669
back and let these companies make this

775
00:28:07,049 --> 00:28:08,909
and we let them let people,

776
00:28:09,210 --> 00:28:12,009
it is the equivalent of letting people sell

777
00:28:12,009 --> 00:28:12,730
sell sell,

778
00:28:13,130 --> 00:28:15,869
you know, exotic drugs, with a completely unregulated

779
00:28:15,929 --> 00:28:17,845
drug. It's worse because it's just

780
00:28:18,305 --> 00:28:21,105
everybody's hooked on it, and nobody thinks it's

781
00:28:21,105 --> 00:28:22,085
a problem. And

782
00:28:22,785 --> 00:28:25,345
I think for it's the most important time

783
00:28:25,345 --> 00:28:27,985
in history, especially for men, to be a

784
00:28:27,985 --> 00:28:29,470
top 1% person.

785
00:28:29,769 --> 00:28:32,589
Mhmm. Like, you have to do the opposite

786
00:28:32,730 --> 00:28:35,130
of what people are doing Mhmm. Or you

787
00:28:35,130 --> 00:28:37,710
will just be a lemming. Yeah. Because

788
00:28:38,009 --> 00:28:39,950
not because you're not trying, because

789
00:28:40,650 --> 00:28:43,220
your brain is literally becoming more dysfunctional with

790
00:28:43,220 --> 00:28:43,720
every

791
00:28:45,705 --> 00:28:46,205
use.

792
00:28:46,904 --> 00:28:48,825
And we're we already know. The science is

793
00:28:48,825 --> 00:28:51,465
already out. There's less men graduating from college.

794
00:28:51,465 --> 00:28:53,785
More women are graduating than men in the

795
00:28:53,785 --> 00:28:56,105
last couple years. You know, it's harder for

796
00:28:56,105 --> 00:28:58,605
people to get jobs and keep jobs.

797
00:28:58,980 --> 00:28:59,640
Passive consumption

798
00:29:00,259 --> 00:29:00,759
of

799
00:29:01,220 --> 00:29:03,799
ridiculous content, most of which is hypersexualized,

800
00:29:04,179 --> 00:29:07,400
people are spending hours, fatiguing hours doing that.

801
00:29:07,460 --> 00:29:08,599
Mhmm. And, unfortunately,

802
00:29:09,299 --> 00:29:11,799
I already work with young men

803
00:29:12,179 --> 00:29:13,000
that are

804
00:29:14,005 --> 00:29:15,704
18, 19, 20,

805
00:29:16,085 --> 00:29:19,304
full blown ED. We will have a generation

806
00:29:19,525 --> 00:29:22,005
of men who can't possibly be with a

807
00:29:22,005 --> 00:29:24,164
partner, and you know what that's gonna do.

808
00:29:24,164 --> 00:29:26,244
Mhmm. It will just lead them back to

809
00:29:26,244 --> 00:29:28,700
the drug of choice. Correct. This is an

810
00:29:28,700 --> 00:29:31,180
internalized drug addiction. I know we call it

811
00:29:31,180 --> 00:29:34,940
a process compulsion to not, you know, help

812
00:29:34,940 --> 00:29:38,140
people understand it, but, really, what's happening is,

813
00:29:38,140 --> 00:29:40,000
you know, you're abusing that neurotransmitter

814
00:29:40,539 --> 00:29:41,200
of dopamine.

815
00:29:41,545 --> 00:29:45,144
It releases opioid peptides. It's a painkiller. You're

816
00:29:45,144 --> 00:29:47,005
numbing your pain with it. Like,

817
00:29:47,305 --> 00:29:48,684
this is an internalized

818
00:29:49,305 --> 00:29:51,144
addictive Yeah. And I I appreciate you bring

819
00:29:51,144 --> 00:29:52,045
that up because

820
00:29:52,744 --> 00:29:54,830
I think the re I mean, the the

821
00:29:54,830 --> 00:29:56,349
the two reasons you just mentioned are the

822
00:29:56,349 --> 00:29:57,890
two reasons this isn't getting taken

823
00:29:58,349 --> 00:29:59,009
seriously. It's

824
00:29:59,390 --> 00:30:01,869
because we're not seeing a harmful substance or

825
00:30:01,869 --> 00:30:03,970
an illegal substance enter the body,

826
00:30:04,349 --> 00:30:06,029
there is this kind of like, oh, how

827
00:30:06,029 --> 00:30:07,170
bad can it be?

828
00:30:07,674 --> 00:30:09,434
Right, you're just using your eyeballs, how bad

829
00:30:09,434 --> 00:30:11,195
can it possibly be? Right? And then I

830
00:30:11,195 --> 00:30:12,974
think to to the other point,

831
00:30:13,434 --> 00:30:16,575
because men have really just kind of indulged

832
00:30:16,634 --> 00:30:17,695
in sexual

833
00:30:18,075 --> 00:30:18,575
behavior

834
00:30:19,035 --> 00:30:20,269
for kind of ever.

835
00:30:20,809 --> 00:30:23,390
There's not a track record of men,

836
00:30:25,609 --> 00:30:27,529
stepping up and saying, I'm not going to.

837
00:30:27,529 --> 00:30:29,529
Right? We we haven't really that hasn't become

838
00:30:29,529 --> 00:30:32,190
a cool thing to do yet. I'm starting.

839
00:30:32,650 --> 00:30:35,184
It's starting, thankfully, like Terry Crews. I'm sure

840
00:30:35,184 --> 00:30:37,025
you've seen Terry Crews. There's a couple of,

841
00:30:37,025 --> 00:30:39,365
like, big actors. We are seeing more politicians

842
00:30:39,664 --> 00:30:40,644
where they're like,

843
00:30:41,025 --> 00:30:43,285
no. We need to stop this. But

844
00:30:43,825 --> 00:30:46,625
this is my hope is that it shapes

845
00:30:46,625 --> 00:30:48,404
up, like, the smoking industry.

846
00:30:48,820 --> 00:30:50,740
Yeah. Because and I and I I wrote

847
00:30:50,740 --> 00:30:53,059
this in my book too is that I

848
00:30:53,059 --> 00:30:53,880
was just

849
00:30:54,259 --> 00:30:54,759
absolutely,

850
00:30:55,059 --> 00:30:58,340
you know, intrigued by if smoking's still legal,

851
00:30:58,340 --> 00:31:00,980
how did everybody stop? Mhmm. And what happened

852
00:31:00,980 --> 00:31:02,420
was in 1962,

853
00:31:02,420 --> 00:31:05,505
it peaked where everybody was smoking, and and

854
00:31:05,505 --> 00:31:06,325
the disinformation

855
00:31:06,704 --> 00:31:09,184
campaign was putting out fake science, which is

856
00:31:09,184 --> 00:31:11,345
happening right now with the porn industry. Just

857
00:31:11,345 --> 00:31:14,384
so everybody's aware, when when you watch a

858
00:31:14,384 --> 00:31:17,424
video that masturbation is good for you and

859
00:31:17,424 --> 00:31:17,924
that

860
00:31:18,250 --> 00:31:19,309
porn is not harmful,

861
00:31:19,769 --> 00:31:22,009
you're being disinformed to throw you off the

862
00:31:22,009 --> 00:31:22,509
trail.

863
00:31:22,970 --> 00:31:25,549
But what happened was people aren't dumb. So

864
00:31:26,089 --> 00:31:29,869
they finally understood it's addictive. They finally understood

865
00:31:30,009 --> 00:31:31,309
smoking causes cancer.

866
00:31:31,714 --> 00:31:33,015
They finally understood

867
00:31:33,394 --> 00:31:35,654
secondhand smoke was harming their loved ones.

868
00:31:36,115 --> 00:31:38,914
Porn and sexual compulsion is the same. Yeah.

869
00:31:38,914 --> 00:31:41,394
Yeah. It is addictive. Mhmm. And even if

870
00:31:41,394 --> 00:31:43,154
you can go three months because you're on

871
00:31:43,154 --> 00:31:46,250
family vacations and you're skydiving and you're so

872
00:31:46,250 --> 00:31:47,069
busy working,

873
00:31:47,529 --> 00:31:49,769
if your brain has that pattern, you still

874
00:31:49,769 --> 00:31:51,529
have the addiction. Correct. It's it's it's the

875
00:31:51,529 --> 00:31:53,369
same. It's this that's why I like calling

876
00:31:53,369 --> 00:31:54,829
it process addiction is

877
00:31:55,609 --> 00:31:57,230
you might think you're sober.

878
00:31:57,529 --> 00:31:59,470
You are not and that is why guys

879
00:31:59,609 --> 00:32:02,075
relapse five years later, ten years later, fifteen

880
00:32:02,075 --> 00:32:04,115
years later. Right? They've never really got rid

881
00:32:04,115 --> 00:32:05,755
of it. They know they're done. They know.

882
00:32:05,755 --> 00:32:08,315
They they can internally feel it. I'm never

883
00:32:08,315 --> 00:32:09,694
going back. I don't need it.

884
00:32:09,994 --> 00:32:11,595
But number two is, you know, the same

885
00:32:11,595 --> 00:32:13,799
thing with the smoking industry. Number two is

886
00:32:14,039 --> 00:32:17,559
people finally will understand, Ed, is a crisis.

887
00:32:17,559 --> 00:32:19,880
It's a crisis. Mhmm. And then third, they're

888
00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:22,860
gonna understand that not only their partner relationships,

889
00:32:23,080 --> 00:32:25,660
but it strains your relationships with your children.

890
00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:28,279
Yes. It strains your relationships with your friends.

891
00:32:28,279 --> 00:32:30,974
It strains your relationships with humanity when you

892
00:32:30,974 --> 00:32:33,534
objectify people. Mhmm. So what happens for most

893
00:32:33,534 --> 00:32:35,615
of my clients, I'm sure yours too, not

894
00:32:35,615 --> 00:32:38,255
only do they objectify men women, I mean.

895
00:32:38,255 --> 00:32:41,650
They objectify men because you're so, like, there's

896
00:32:41,650 --> 00:32:42,390
just objectification

897
00:32:42,930 --> 00:32:45,329
and consumerism of other human beings. Oh, and

898
00:32:45,329 --> 00:32:47,809
it's and social media, the reason I don't

899
00:32:47,809 --> 00:32:50,450
have it on my phone, I have accounts.

900
00:32:50,450 --> 00:32:52,369
I get onto it on my desktop for

901
00:32:52,369 --> 00:32:53,650
work, but I don't put it on my

902
00:32:53,650 --> 00:32:55,250
phone because it's just too easy for me

903
00:32:55,250 --> 00:32:56,474
to it's

904
00:32:56,934 --> 00:32:59,174
very, you know even though I'm aware of

905
00:32:59,174 --> 00:33:01,494
how addictive it is, that doesn't mean I

906
00:33:01,494 --> 00:33:03,414
can beat it, you know. They're they're they're

907
00:33:03,414 --> 00:33:05,575
smarter than me. Right? And so anytime I

908
00:33:05,575 --> 00:33:06,634
have it on my phone,

909
00:33:07,254 --> 00:33:08,950
next thing you know, I've spent an hour

910
00:33:08,950 --> 00:33:11,690
watching golf swing videos on how to improve

911
00:33:11,750 --> 00:33:13,590
my swing. I didn't even know that. It's

912
00:33:13,590 --> 00:33:14,250
a weaponized

913
00:33:14,549 --> 00:33:15,049
algorithm

914
00:33:15,430 --> 00:33:17,590
to keep you hooked even though Correct. Yeah.

915
00:33:17,670 --> 00:33:19,210
Can help your golf. And it's a comparison.

916
00:33:19,269 --> 00:33:21,110
I think people to your point, I think

917
00:33:21,110 --> 00:33:21,750
we need to,

918
00:33:23,234 --> 00:33:25,894
we need to decide to stop. We can't

919
00:33:26,194 --> 00:33:28,115
call we can't make the government I mean,

920
00:33:28,115 --> 00:33:29,474
that's just never it's it's the same with

921
00:33:29,474 --> 00:33:31,714
cigarettes. It's just never gonna happen and or

922
00:33:31,714 --> 00:33:32,914
at least if it is gonna happen, it's

923
00:33:32,914 --> 00:33:35,075
gonna take too long. So, you know, we

924
00:33:35,075 --> 00:33:36,595
could all just decide. Here here's what I

925
00:33:36,595 --> 00:33:37,894
would say to all the listeners.

926
00:33:38,230 --> 00:33:39,750
Do it for your kids, man. You know,

927
00:33:39,750 --> 00:33:40,490
to me,

928
00:33:41,109 --> 00:33:43,369
do you want your son to prefer

929
00:33:43,750 --> 00:33:44,250
having

930
00:33:44,630 --> 00:33:47,529
sexual fantasies and interactions with fake

931
00:33:47,909 --> 00:33:49,990
AI generate? Like, is that what you want

932
00:33:49,990 --> 00:33:51,349
your kid? You know? So then by the

933
00:33:51,349 --> 00:33:53,554
time he's out of college, he prefers

934
00:33:53,855 --> 00:33:56,974
sex with fake characters versus with real people.

935
00:33:56,974 --> 00:33:58,174
Is that what you want? And so that's

936
00:33:58,174 --> 00:34:00,095
why I'm saying parents, we've gotta take the

937
00:34:00,095 --> 00:34:02,095
lead here because these kids are gonna be

938
00:34:02,095 --> 00:34:04,014
these kids are gonna be by the time

939
00:34:04,014 --> 00:34:04,514
they

940
00:34:05,230 --> 00:34:08,289
have the smarts to advocate for themselves,

941
00:34:08,829 --> 00:34:09,650
there will be

942
00:34:10,670 --> 00:34:12,829
way too much damage done. Right? And so

943
00:34:12,829 --> 00:34:14,050
I think as parents,

944
00:34:14,670 --> 00:34:16,909
we need to teach the kids. Yeah. Say,

945
00:34:16,909 --> 00:34:18,605
hey. You're You're probably gonna find this stuff.

946
00:34:18,605 --> 00:34:19,964
You're probably gonna get into it, and I

947
00:34:19,964 --> 00:34:21,724
can't protect it from you because it's all

948
00:34:21,724 --> 00:34:23,644
over the place. But you need to teach

949
00:34:23,644 --> 00:34:25,964
your son to not want to do it

950
00:34:25,964 --> 00:34:27,585
and educate them about the consequences.

951
00:34:27,964 --> 00:34:29,244
You know, I I always tell you know,

952
00:34:29,244 --> 00:34:31,409
because I'm sure you hear this and it's

953
00:34:31,409 --> 00:34:33,349
insane, but I have a lot of guys,

954
00:34:34,449 --> 00:34:36,210
it wears off after they're in the program,

955
00:34:36,210 --> 00:34:37,650
but I do have guys who come into

956
00:34:37,650 --> 00:34:40,150
the program who do not like the idea

957
00:34:41,089 --> 00:34:43,809
of they're like, oh, I my sexual you

958
00:34:43,809 --> 00:34:46,034
know, I wanna have peak sexual experiences. Why

959
00:34:46,034 --> 00:34:47,715
don't I get to? And it's so funny

960
00:34:47,715 --> 00:34:49,315
because I'm like, do you know how many

961
00:34:49,315 --> 00:34:51,554
other things you practice restraint on every day?

962
00:34:51,554 --> 00:34:53,635
We all don't use heroin even though all

963
00:34:53,635 --> 00:34:56,195
of us, I'm sure, are know and have

964
00:34:56,195 --> 00:34:58,215
heard that it is, from what I hear,

965
00:34:58,355 --> 00:34:59,014
a phenomenal

966
00:34:59,394 --> 00:35:01,769
experience. But we've also heard that the odds

967
00:35:01,769 --> 00:35:04,170
of getting addicted are, like, a hundred percent

968
00:35:04,170 --> 00:35:05,390
because they're wonderful.

969
00:35:05,690 --> 00:35:07,930
So none of us touch it. And so

970
00:35:07,930 --> 00:35:10,010
I always say, isn't that the same thing

971
00:35:10,010 --> 00:35:12,090
we're talking about? I mean, to me, I

972
00:35:12,090 --> 00:35:13,849
always laugh when people are more scared of

973
00:35:13,849 --> 00:35:16,059
heroin than pornography because I'm like, are you

974
00:35:16,059 --> 00:35:18,196
kidding me? Pornography is a slam dunk. We

975
00:35:18,196 --> 00:35:20,333
know you're gonna like it. It's not a

976
00:35:20,333 --> 00:35:22,737
debate that you're gonna I was I was

977
00:35:22,737 --> 00:35:24,875
just gonna make a very similar point is

978
00:35:24,875 --> 00:35:27,279
that you know, I call it the change

979
00:35:27,279 --> 00:35:29,416
point. Like, a point where in the cycle,

980
00:35:29,416 --> 00:35:31,820
like, that four d cycle where where a

981
00:35:31,820 --> 00:35:33,500
person if you're really wrapped up in this

982
00:35:33,500 --> 00:35:35,760
stuff, you have a thought that

983
00:35:36,539 --> 00:35:38,619
could change your life. Yeah. Like, you have

984
00:35:38,619 --> 00:35:41,019
the thought, oh, I I shouldn't do this

985
00:35:41,019 --> 00:35:43,099
because this will change my kid's life. You

986
00:35:43,099 --> 00:35:45,994
know? Or, you know, I it'll change my

987
00:35:45,994 --> 00:35:47,454
relationship with my partner.

988
00:35:47,914 --> 00:35:49,215
But for the most part,

989
00:35:49,675 --> 00:35:52,494
before people get into a recovery process,

990
00:35:52,954 --> 00:35:54,795
like I'll just give you an example. That

991
00:35:54,795 --> 00:35:56,980
same gentleman that I just talked to, he's

992
00:35:56,980 --> 00:35:58,420
like, I think I wanna leave my wife

993
00:35:58,420 --> 00:35:59,940
and kids. I'm like, we gotta back up

994
00:35:59,940 --> 00:36:02,340
for a second. They're your kids. You don't

995
00:36:02,340 --> 00:36:03,480
get a choice.

996
00:36:03,780 --> 00:36:06,519
Leave them. Like, it never occurred to him.

997
00:36:06,660 --> 00:36:09,160
Like, his brain was very much dysregulated

998
00:36:09,539 --> 00:36:11,755
thinking. He's leaving them as a package to

999
00:36:11,755 --> 00:36:13,594
go be with a girlfriend, which, of course,

1000
00:36:13,594 --> 00:36:14,494
he could do,

1001
00:36:14,875 --> 00:36:16,954
and many men do. But, like, do we

1002
00:36:16,954 --> 00:36:18,875
want that for those men and for those

1003
00:36:18,875 --> 00:36:21,855
families? It's a very distorted thought process.

1004
00:36:22,315 --> 00:36:24,875
And when people come into this work, they

1005
00:36:24,875 --> 00:36:25,265
have a lot of distorted thoughts. And when

1006
00:36:25,265 --> 00:36:26,094
I meet a

1007
00:36:26,690 --> 00:36:27,909
And when I meet a person

1008
00:36:28,289 --> 00:36:28,949
like that,

1009
00:36:29,569 --> 00:36:31,650
my heart goes out to them. Understand I

1010
00:36:31,650 --> 00:36:33,349
don't even have to see their brain map.

1011
00:36:33,569 --> 00:36:34,069
Where

1012
00:36:34,690 --> 00:36:37,009
another gentleman, it was the brain map,

1013
00:36:37,489 --> 00:36:38,549
meeting with me,

1014
00:36:38,964 --> 00:36:41,525
and he called my assistant to say that

1015
00:36:41,525 --> 00:36:43,125
I have to call him mister so and

1016
00:36:43,125 --> 00:36:45,844
so. I'm like, alright. That's a brain map

1017
00:36:45,844 --> 00:36:49,925
talking. That's a superiority complex. That's strain brain.

1018
00:36:49,925 --> 00:36:52,449
Mhmm. You know? And my assistant's kinda like,

1019
00:36:52,690 --> 00:36:54,210
you know, this guy. And I'm like, no.

1020
00:36:54,210 --> 00:36:55,890
That's just his brain. This is a true

1021
00:36:55,890 --> 00:36:58,309
story. One month later, his brain was significantly

1022
00:36:58,610 --> 00:37:01,090
regulated. He apologized. Mhmm. I'm like, no need

1023
00:37:01,090 --> 00:37:03,170
to apologize, my friend. You can see all

1024
00:37:03,170 --> 00:37:05,329
the changes. Mhmm. But, you know, distorted thought

1025
00:37:05,329 --> 00:37:05,829
processes,

1026
00:37:06,364 --> 00:37:08,284
people don't get it. Like, they are your

1027
00:37:08,284 --> 00:37:11,324
kids. You want a lifelong amazing relationship with

1028
00:37:11,324 --> 00:37:11,824
them.

1029
00:37:12,125 --> 00:37:13,724
What I like to tell people is think

1030
00:37:13,724 --> 00:37:14,704
about your deathbed.

1031
00:37:15,085 --> 00:37:16,444
When you look back, do you want a

1032
00:37:16,444 --> 00:37:16,944
culmination

1033
00:37:17,324 --> 00:37:19,505
of high level sex sexual experiences,

1034
00:37:20,039 --> 00:37:22,280
or do you wanna live at your greatest

1035
00:37:22,280 --> 00:37:24,539
purpose? Not just make the most money, but

1036
00:37:24,679 --> 00:37:27,719
contribute to humanity in the most important way

1037
00:37:27,719 --> 00:37:29,880
that only you can do. Have the most

1038
00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:30,380
amazing

1039
00:37:30,760 --> 00:37:31,820
deep relationships

1040
00:37:32,199 --> 00:37:32,860
with people.

1041
00:37:33,434 --> 00:37:35,835
And what I know from couples who I

1042
00:37:35,835 --> 00:37:36,494
work with

1043
00:37:36,795 --> 00:37:39,454
that move through sexually compulsive behaviors,

1044
00:37:39,994 --> 00:37:41,914
those are the people that can have the

1045
00:37:41,914 --> 00:37:44,735
best relationship. Like, when a wife finds out

1046
00:37:44,875 --> 00:37:46,474
and then you get back on the same

1047
00:37:46,474 --> 00:37:49,210
track and you try to create the healthiest,

1048
00:37:49,210 --> 00:37:50,030
most stimulating

1049
00:37:50,570 --> 00:37:53,610
sexual relationship you can possibly have together while

1050
00:37:53,610 --> 00:37:55,150
living a balanced life. Like,

1051
00:37:55,769 --> 00:37:56,989
people in your program,

1052
00:37:57,449 --> 00:37:59,289
people that I work with, they're poised to

1053
00:37:59,289 --> 00:38:00,349
have the best life.

1054
00:38:00,824 --> 00:38:02,984
Mhmm. Mhmm. It's a it's a oh, yeah.

1055
00:38:02,984 --> 00:38:04,984
They're you know, I always say, you know,

1056
00:38:04,984 --> 00:38:07,625
the as as tragic as this is when

1057
00:38:07,625 --> 00:38:08,525
you get discovered,

1058
00:38:09,224 --> 00:38:09,885
to me,

1059
00:38:11,864 --> 00:38:14,025
humanity needs help. You know, the thing I

1060
00:38:14,025 --> 00:38:16,105
was watching the movie 300 the other day,

1061
00:38:16,105 --> 00:38:17,969
and it's funny. I used to watch it

1062
00:38:17,969 --> 00:38:19,969
and watch all the blood and guts, but

1063
00:38:19,969 --> 00:38:22,530
it's funny. I I I when I watch

1064
00:38:22,530 --> 00:38:24,130
it now, I turn it off after the

1065
00:38:24,130 --> 00:38:26,369
first thirty minutes because it's the first thirty

1066
00:38:26,369 --> 00:38:28,545
minutes that I've grown to really love. And

1067
00:38:28,784 --> 00:38:30,864
I've become a little obsessed with this. I

1068
00:38:30,864 --> 00:38:32,324
need to you know, it might be pathological.

1069
00:38:32,464 --> 00:38:33,045
We'll see.

1070
00:38:33,585 --> 00:38:36,144
But, Invest all your brain map. Yeah. We'll

1071
00:38:36,144 --> 00:38:37,605
do a brain map and find out.

1072
00:38:38,385 --> 00:38:40,224
But I, you know, I I watch it,

1073
00:38:40,224 --> 00:38:41,605
and it's like, man,

1074
00:38:42,179 --> 00:38:44,659
I don't think I could find 300 guys

1075
00:38:44,659 --> 00:38:46,739
who would sacrifice their life for a cause

1076
00:38:46,739 --> 00:38:48,599
anymore, which makes me wonder,

1077
00:38:49,059 --> 00:38:52,579
is that why we have are indulging in

1078
00:38:52,579 --> 00:38:56,545
these just bizarrely self destructive behaviors is, you

1079
00:38:56,545 --> 00:38:58,324
know, we've just we've just drifted

1080
00:38:58,625 --> 00:39:00,085
so far away

1081
00:39:00,465 --> 00:39:00,965
from

1082
00:39:01,824 --> 00:39:04,065
thinking about how our life is just this

1083
00:39:04,065 --> 00:39:05,824
little blip and that what matters more is

1084
00:39:06,144 --> 00:39:08,224
Yeah. But but I think you're I think

1085
00:39:08,224 --> 00:39:08,704
you're,

1086
00:39:09,425 --> 00:39:11,099
confusing the chicken and the egg

1087
00:39:11,660 --> 00:39:12,720
because the

1088
00:39:13,099 --> 00:39:14,239
the chicken is

1089
00:39:15,099 --> 00:39:18,140
you develop sexually compulsive behaviors when you're young

1090
00:39:18,380 --> 00:39:21,440
Yeah. Which then your brain never fully develops.

1091
00:39:22,140 --> 00:39:25,404
Your brain develops in pleasure seeking mode, a

1092
00:39:25,404 --> 00:39:27,085
little bit or a lot of it, either

1093
00:39:27,085 --> 00:39:30,144
one. So now you're in that narcissistic bubble.

1094
00:39:30,284 --> 00:39:33,644
Your life becomes about getting the most pleasure

1095
00:39:33,644 --> 00:39:36,444
as possible. Mhmm. There's not enough dopamine and

1096
00:39:36,444 --> 00:39:37,424
purpose anymore.

1097
00:39:37,884 --> 00:39:40,789
Like, back in the day of healthy

1098
00:39:41,170 --> 00:39:41,910
masculine vitality,

1099
00:39:43,329 --> 00:39:43,829
purpose

1100
00:39:44,369 --> 00:39:45,190
and contribution

1101
00:39:45,570 --> 00:39:47,510
and camaraderie and community,

1102
00:39:48,130 --> 00:39:50,610
that's where the dopamine was. Yes. Yes. Not

1103
00:39:50,610 --> 00:39:53,744
in in a sexual hit. Like and that's

1104
00:39:53,744 --> 00:39:56,065
why, like, for the first time ever in

1105
00:39:56,065 --> 00:39:56,565
history,

1106
00:39:57,424 --> 00:40:01,684
just every person can experience this supernormal stimulus

1107
00:40:01,824 --> 00:40:04,404
at the levels that they can, where in

1108
00:40:04,704 --> 00:40:06,304
in the past, it was only people with

1109
00:40:06,304 --> 00:40:06,804
harems,

1110
00:40:07,980 --> 00:40:09,980
which was they were few and far between.

1111
00:40:09,980 --> 00:40:11,900
You know what I mean? So, like, this

1112
00:40:11,900 --> 00:40:14,300
is at a crisis level. That's what high

1113
00:40:14,300 --> 00:40:16,880
speed Internet pornography has done to people.

1114
00:40:17,260 --> 00:40:19,179
Mhmm. It's an epidemic. So they High speed.

1115
00:40:19,179 --> 00:40:21,500
I see Internet all over now, which I

1116
00:40:21,500 --> 00:40:23,724
love. Brain. No. You you cares about pleasure.

1117
00:40:24,025 --> 00:40:25,885
You you bring up a good The egg

1118
00:40:26,025 --> 00:40:28,025
the egg is the lack of purpose. That's

1119
00:40:28,025 --> 00:40:30,905
why we have less men making it through

1120
00:40:30,905 --> 00:40:33,304
college. They simply can't. They don't have the

1121
00:40:33,304 --> 00:40:36,344
executive function skills. They don't even have the

1122
00:40:36,344 --> 00:40:36,844
wherewithal,

1123
00:40:37,144 --> 00:40:37,804
the energy

1124
00:40:38,319 --> 00:40:40,819
to be able to be on purpose.

1125
00:40:41,599 --> 00:40:43,679
Well, and it's funny because Right. What I

1126
00:40:43,679 --> 00:40:46,319
find is they don't even know because they

1127
00:40:46,319 --> 00:40:48,400
think they're killing it because it's like, well,

1128
00:40:48,400 --> 00:40:49,920
look how big my bank account is and

1129
00:40:49,920 --> 00:40:51,592
look how many women I can get to

1130
00:40:51,592 --> 00:40:53,571
sleep with me. So it's like, ta da.

1131
00:40:53,571 --> 00:40:56,045
I I I've I've arrived. I'm That's the

1132
00:40:56,045 --> 00:40:58,023
that's the distorted. That's the distorted. My processes.

1133
00:40:58,023 --> 00:41:00,003
And, you know, I talk to people a

1134
00:41:00,003 --> 00:41:02,229
lot and this is or I talk to

1135
00:41:02,229 --> 00:41:04,455
high performing, executives, you know. Like, I'm thinking

1136
00:41:04,455 --> 00:41:06,339
of one lawyer right now who we get

1137
00:41:06,339 --> 00:41:08,579
in the brain map, and he's like he's

1138
00:41:08,579 --> 00:41:10,839
like, I'm crushing it. You know?

1139
00:41:11,539 --> 00:41:13,400
So I'm doing great. I'm like,

1140
00:41:13,940 --> 00:41:16,099
you you have so much stress in your

1141
00:41:16,099 --> 00:41:19,085
brain. That's what strain brain is. Your brain

1142
00:41:19,085 --> 00:41:21,244
is so stressed out. The only way you

1143
00:41:21,244 --> 00:41:23,324
can do that is by sleeping with people.

1144
00:41:23,324 --> 00:41:25,804
Because if you didn't, you would implode from

1145
00:41:25,804 --> 00:41:28,525
the anxiety that's in your brain. You're self

1146
00:41:28,525 --> 00:41:31,139
medicating Mhmm. Which nobody wants to admit it.

1147
00:41:31,460 --> 00:41:33,059
And, you know, like, going back to what

1148
00:41:33,059 --> 00:41:35,380
you were saying about ED, the people with

1149
00:41:35,380 --> 00:41:37,400
ED know there's a negative ramification

1150
00:41:37,699 --> 00:41:39,940
from their behaviors. It is showing up in

1151
00:41:39,940 --> 00:41:42,039
their body. Their body is screaming

1152
00:41:42,339 --> 00:41:44,339
at them, and it it's their brain is

1153
00:41:44,339 --> 00:41:46,545
screaming at them. I need help.

1154
00:41:47,744 --> 00:41:49,424
And then, you know, when I work with

1155
00:41:49,424 --> 00:41:51,184
people, they really do go through a little

1156
00:41:51,184 --> 00:41:53,025
bit of a grieving process. I help I

1157
00:41:53,025 --> 00:41:54,625
try to help to shift that as quickly

1158
00:41:54,625 --> 00:41:56,704
as possible. Like, past is in the past.

1159
00:41:56,704 --> 00:41:58,784
Let's double down, regulate the brain as fast

1160
00:41:58,784 --> 00:42:00,760
as we can. But they do go through

1161
00:42:00,760 --> 00:42:03,000
a process like, look what I've done to

1162
00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:05,480
myself. Mhmm. Mhmm. But I like to fire

1163
00:42:05,480 --> 00:42:07,559
that up in terms of, like, let's make

1164
00:42:07,559 --> 00:42:10,679
that your executive function project. Let's be focused

1165
00:42:10,679 --> 00:42:12,599
on that. Or I I I think that's

1166
00:42:12,679 --> 00:42:14,760
I think maybe the hardest part about recovery

1167
00:42:14,760 --> 00:42:15,260
is

1168
00:42:15,764 --> 00:42:17,284
you kinda have to unsubscribe

1169
00:42:17,764 --> 00:42:19,684
well, maybe you don't, but in my opinion,

1170
00:42:19,684 --> 00:42:21,924
at least for high achieving men, it's bigger

1171
00:42:21,924 --> 00:42:24,404
than just stopping the behavior. It's like, oh,

1172
00:42:24,404 --> 00:42:25,864
shoot. I have to, like, unsubscribe

1173
00:42:26,244 --> 00:42:27,784
from a lot of

1174
00:42:28,139 --> 00:42:30,559
of social cultural It's a it's a lifestyle

1175
00:42:30,699 --> 00:42:33,260
change. Yeah. Yeah. Honestly, it can just be

1176
00:42:33,260 --> 00:42:33,760
nuanced.

1177
00:42:34,139 --> 00:42:36,779
Like, your lifestyle doesn't have to blow up.

1178
00:42:36,779 --> 00:42:38,239
You have to nuance it.

1179
00:42:38,779 --> 00:42:41,585
And once people start doing it, they get

1180
00:42:41,585 --> 00:42:43,905
really excited to see what the next little

1181
00:42:43,905 --> 00:42:47,105
nuance will bring them. Mhmm. And, honestly, like,

1182
00:42:47,105 --> 00:42:49,525
once the brain comes out of that hypersexual

1183
00:42:50,065 --> 00:42:50,565
mode,

1184
00:42:51,344 --> 00:42:53,045
your sexual experiences

1185
00:42:53,505 --> 00:42:54,804
that are emotionally

1186
00:42:55,105 --> 00:42:56,244
balanced and intelligent

1187
00:42:56,760 --> 00:43:00,280
become better than just the dopamine seeking. Mhmm.

1188
00:43:00,280 --> 00:43:02,599
You know, they call dopamine the molecule of

1189
00:43:02,599 --> 00:43:05,579
motivation, more, and pleasure. Like, more is the

1190
00:43:05,960 --> 00:43:08,380
more is the key there. It's never enough.

1191
00:43:08,440 --> 00:43:10,360
Mhmm. And that's why we have tolerance building

1192
00:43:10,360 --> 00:43:13,425
and escalation. Like, you're constantly let down. The

1193
00:43:13,425 --> 00:43:16,224
finish line's always being pushed out. So, yeah,

1194
00:43:16,224 --> 00:43:18,545
you might have, you know, an experience here

1195
00:43:18,545 --> 00:43:20,305
or there, but then you always have to

1196
00:43:20,305 --> 00:43:22,545
go for something more. Mhmm. Where when you

1197
00:43:22,545 --> 00:43:23,365
balance it,

1198
00:43:23,905 --> 00:43:26,239
everything, that present moment can become, you you

1199
00:43:26,239 --> 00:43:28,400
know, not only pleasurable, but Yeah. Enough. You

1200
00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:30,500
know, has joy. It has joy and connection.

1201
00:43:30,960 --> 00:43:32,719
Yeah. And it's a and it for me,

1202
00:43:32,719 --> 00:43:34,019
it's been more about

1203
00:43:35,440 --> 00:43:37,679
life than sex and porn. I just I've

1204
00:43:37,760 --> 00:43:39,139
I just had to unsubscribe

1205
00:43:39,760 --> 00:43:40,500
from this

1206
00:43:40,815 --> 00:43:43,695
toxic high performing male culture that I I

1207
00:43:44,175 --> 00:43:44,894
so, Trish,

1208
00:43:45,534 --> 00:43:48,255
for those who are excited about this, wanna

1209
00:43:48,255 --> 00:43:50,014
get mapped, wanna do the work with you,

1210
00:43:50,014 --> 00:43:51,375
it's so cool that it can be done

1211
00:43:51,375 --> 00:43:52,914
virtually, which is so awesome.

1212
00:43:53,940 --> 00:43:55,460
The other two people I've had on the

1213
00:43:55,460 --> 00:43:57,380
show is not virtual. They have to come

1214
00:43:57,380 --> 00:43:59,300
into the office, so this is super neat.

1215
00:43:59,619 --> 00:44:01,699
What's the website? Where do they go? What

1216
00:44:01,699 --> 00:44:03,300
are the next steps? Talk to us about

1217
00:44:03,300 --> 00:44:04,840
how people can get a hold of you.

1218
00:44:05,184 --> 00:44:07,424
Sure. It's at doctortrishlee.com,

1219
00:44:07,424 --> 00:44:08,944
and my last name's l e I g

1220
00:44:08,944 --> 00:44:09,444
h.

1221
00:44:10,464 --> 00:44:12,224
The website is laid out so that you

1222
00:44:12,224 --> 00:44:14,545
can understand. I offer a one on one

1223
00:44:14,545 --> 00:44:16,804
virtual clinic, which is the most powerful

1224
00:44:17,340 --> 00:44:19,260
program that I offer, but I am trying

1225
00:44:19,260 --> 00:44:21,579
to meet people wherever they are. So I

1226
00:44:21,579 --> 00:44:23,680
also offer a master class,

1227
00:44:24,059 --> 00:44:26,940
which thousands of people have taken successfully. I

1228
00:44:26,940 --> 00:44:28,619
measure data. I'm a data girl. I don't

1229
00:44:28,619 --> 00:44:30,140
know what to tell you. I measure data

1230
00:44:30,140 --> 00:44:32,565
in both of the programs. They're both successful,

1231
00:44:32,565 --> 00:44:34,484
but the one on one virtual clinic, it's

1232
00:44:34,484 --> 00:44:36,344
like the fast lane on the superhighway.

1233
00:44:36,644 --> 00:44:38,585
The do it yourself digital program

1234
00:44:39,045 --> 00:44:40,644
is more like taking the back roads, but

1235
00:44:40,644 --> 00:44:42,565
you get where you need to go, trying

1236
00:44:42,565 --> 00:44:44,244
to meet people. I also have a YouTube

1237
00:44:44,244 --> 00:44:44,744
channel

1238
00:44:45,059 --> 00:44:47,559
where there's over 2,000 videos helping

1239
00:44:47,860 --> 00:44:49,320
to Yes. I watch,

1240
00:44:49,780 --> 00:44:51,219
well, I've watched all of them. I watched

1241
00:44:51,219 --> 00:44:53,539
your newest ones, and they're very you're just

1242
00:44:53,699 --> 00:44:55,219
you you have such a way of explaining

1243
00:44:55,219 --> 00:44:57,059
things. So I would encourage everybody to jump

1244
00:44:57,059 --> 00:44:58,340
over there and check them out. Yeah. And,

1245
00:44:58,340 --> 00:44:59,699
you know, if you're not in a position

1246
00:44:59,699 --> 00:45:01,885
to get your brain map but the brain

1247
00:45:01,885 --> 00:45:04,525
map is the the assessment for when I

1248
00:45:04,525 --> 00:45:05,424
work with people.

1249
00:45:05,724 --> 00:45:07,644
And I can tell you too is that

1250
00:45:07,644 --> 00:45:09,424
you can do this at home, and

1251
00:45:09,724 --> 00:45:11,964
my goal is to help you understand how

1252
00:45:11,964 --> 00:45:14,444
your brain is at the core of your

1253
00:45:14,444 --> 00:45:14,944
challenges,

1254
00:45:15,429 --> 00:45:17,829
even the ones you're not associating with, you

1255
00:45:17,829 --> 00:45:20,309
know, any sexual behaviors. There's a lot going

1256
00:45:20,309 --> 00:45:23,289
on usually for people. There is advanced technology

1257
00:45:23,349 --> 00:45:24,409
that can unconsciously

1258
00:45:24,869 --> 00:45:27,110
rewire your brain, and it's healthy for you.

1259
00:45:27,110 --> 00:45:29,429
It's noninvasive. Mhmm. It's like a workout for

1260
00:45:29,429 --> 00:45:31,125
your brain. And the way I explain it

1261
00:45:31,125 --> 00:45:33,364
is, you know, if you wanna get strong

1262
00:45:33,364 --> 00:45:35,065
biceps, you don't have to,

1263
00:45:35,684 --> 00:45:37,545
you know, get nine books on

1264
00:45:37,844 --> 00:45:40,005
the theory behind the muscles. All you have

1265
00:45:40,005 --> 00:45:41,144
to do is get

1266
00:45:41,525 --> 00:45:44,099
twenty, thirty pound weights and start cranking some

1267
00:45:44,099 --> 00:45:46,339
bicep curls. Yeah. And then once your biceps

1268
00:45:46,339 --> 00:45:47,940
are stronger, you have to swap the thirties

1269
00:45:47,940 --> 00:45:50,260
out for 30 fives. That's what my app

1270
00:45:50,260 --> 00:45:52,019
does. You don't have to think about it

1271
00:45:52,019 --> 00:45:53,139
at all. All you have to do is

1272
00:45:53,139 --> 00:45:55,815
the sessions. That's what mister found out when

1273
00:45:55,815 --> 00:45:57,414
he said you know, thirty days later, he

1274
00:45:57,414 --> 00:45:59,094
told me, I'm a skeptic. I'm not doing

1275
00:45:59,094 --> 00:46:01,494
one thing besides these sessions because my wife

1276
00:46:01,494 --> 00:46:03,414
is making me. I said, you don't have

1277
00:46:03,414 --> 00:46:05,175
to. I'll see you in a minute. Yeah.

1278
00:46:05,175 --> 00:46:06,855
I like that. Days later, he did the

1279
00:46:06,855 --> 00:46:08,474
workout. His brain's stronger.

1280
00:46:08,949 --> 00:46:10,469
So that's what it does for you. But

1281
00:46:10,469 --> 00:46:12,410
then I also have a maintenance

1282
00:46:13,030 --> 00:46:15,110
plan where I can keep track of your

1283
00:46:15,110 --> 00:46:16,869
brain, and many of the peak performers that

1284
00:46:16,869 --> 00:46:18,630
I work with, they like that. It's like

1285
00:46:18,630 --> 00:46:20,250
accountability for a lifetime.

1286
00:46:20,630 --> 00:46:22,789
Yeah. Oh, yeah. If your brain is moving

1287
00:46:22,789 --> 00:46:23,289
backwards.

1288
00:46:24,444 --> 00:46:26,284
One example is a military guy. I could

1289
00:46:26,284 --> 00:46:28,284
see his brain moving backwards, and I'm like,

1290
00:46:28,284 --> 00:46:30,045
what's going on here? And then he tells

1291
00:46:30,045 --> 00:46:31,804
me, and I'm like, okay. We have to,

1292
00:46:31,804 --> 00:46:33,804
like, get a couple things back in check

1293
00:46:33,804 --> 00:46:36,144
because you're building a foundation of a lifestyle.

1294
00:46:36,650 --> 00:46:37,769
And then I teach you to use the

1295
00:46:37,769 --> 00:46:40,250
tech long term by yourself. So it's a

1296
00:46:40,250 --> 00:46:42,590
lifelong journey of keeping your brain strong.

1297
00:46:42,969 --> 00:46:44,650
Yeah. But there's a plan, which I think,

1298
00:46:44,890 --> 00:46:45,710
they're they're

1299
00:46:46,090 --> 00:46:48,090
too often, there's not enough of a plan.

1300
00:46:48,090 --> 00:46:49,369
So I love that you have that. Oh,

1301
00:46:49,369 --> 00:46:52,119
yeah. Thank you so much. I I individualized

1302
00:46:52,514 --> 00:46:54,674
plan for sure. I knew that I knew

1303
00:46:54,674 --> 00:46:57,154
this episode would not be enough. I literally

1304
00:46:57,154 --> 00:46:59,815
am looking down, and I have, like, 19

1305
00:46:59,875 --> 00:47:02,434
questions that didn't get answered. So, who knows?

1306
00:47:02,434 --> 00:47:04,194
Maybe I'll I'll I'll email your assistant, and

1307
00:47:04,194 --> 00:47:05,954
we'll we'll do another one. Yeah. Definitely. I'd

1308
00:47:05,954 --> 00:47:06,934
love to know that.

1309
00:47:07,449 --> 00:47:07,690
Is always wonderful.

1310
00:47:08,410 --> 00:47:11,530
Help people understand and, especially, you know, I

1311
00:47:11,530 --> 00:47:13,789
wanna give people tools that they can go

1312
00:47:14,170 --> 00:47:15,929
use right now. And I think that's why

1313
00:47:15,929 --> 00:47:18,730
it's important to question the things that you're

1314
00:47:18,730 --> 00:47:20,809
doing and the things that you think serve

1315
00:47:20,809 --> 00:47:23,534
you. And right now not working, try something

1316
00:47:23,534 --> 00:47:25,614
else. Absolutely. Yeah. That would be the the

1317
00:47:25,614 --> 00:47:27,614
client. Coming from a need in your brain.

1318
00:47:27,614 --> 00:47:30,574
When people when people think about that, why

1319
00:47:30,574 --> 00:47:32,335
am I doing this? What's it doing for

1320
00:47:32,335 --> 00:47:35,215
my brain? It's always stimulating or soothing Yeah.

1321
00:47:35,215 --> 00:47:37,590
Great. Or compulsion. Like, so do you know?

1322
00:47:38,630 --> 00:47:40,469
Yeah. And the and the mapping's so cool.

1323
00:47:40,469 --> 00:47:42,070
You know, the client of ours that we

1324
00:47:42,070 --> 00:47:42,570
share,

1325
00:47:43,030 --> 00:47:44,950
that was the whole motive was, well, the

1326
00:47:44,950 --> 00:47:46,469
stuff I'm doing ain't working, so I need

1327
00:47:46,469 --> 00:47:48,150
to try something else. And, that was when

1328
00:47:48,150 --> 00:47:49,670
you reached out to Trish. So, for those

1329
00:47:49,670 --> 00:47:51,030
of you who want to know, the link

1330
00:47:51,030 --> 00:47:52,630
will be in the comments in the show

1331
00:47:52,630 --> 00:47:53,530
notes down below.

1332
00:47:54,125 --> 00:47:55,164
Head over there and,

1333
00:47:55,804 --> 00:47:57,644
connect with Trish, and and check out our

1334
00:47:57,644 --> 00:47:59,425
book too. Is it on Amazon, Trish?

1335
00:47:59,885 --> 00:48:01,984
It is. Yeah. And it actually debuted

1336
00:48:02,364 --> 00:48:02,864
as,

1337
00:48:03,324 --> 00:48:06,045
number one bestseller in the category ahead of

1338
00:48:06,045 --> 00:48:08,444
Gary Wilson's Your Brain on Porn. Oh, heck.

1339
00:48:08,444 --> 00:48:10,380
Really meant a lot to me because I

1340
00:48:10,380 --> 00:48:12,400
really strongly came on the scene,

1341
00:48:13,500 --> 00:48:15,739
as he was passing. So it's really been

1342
00:48:15,739 --> 00:48:17,659
cool kind of the torch. You know? I

1343
00:48:17,659 --> 00:48:19,099
love it. I love it. Well, thank you

1344
00:48:19,099 --> 00:48:20,719
so much. We'll have to do this again.

1345
00:48:21,659 --> 00:48:23,804
Thanks for listening to this episode. If you

1346
00:48:23,804 --> 00:48:25,644
are a high achiever of the sex addiction

1347
00:48:25,644 --> 00:48:27,405
and you're looking for a recovery group full

1348
00:48:27,405 --> 00:48:30,525
of like minded men, visit successfuladdict.com.

1349
00:48:30,525 --> 00:48:33,324
We provide men with a recovery mastermind group

1350
00:48:33,324 --> 00:48:34,625
using four day retreats,

1351
00:48:34,925 --> 00:48:37,780
weekly group calls, and daily accountability check ins.

1352
00:48:37,780 --> 00:48:39,940
If you wanna achieve long term sobriety and

1353
00:48:39,940 --> 00:48:40,760
save your marriage,

1354
00:48:41,059 --> 00:48:42,339
go to our website and fill out our

1355
00:48:42,339 --> 00:48:42,839
application.

1356
00:48:43,139 --> 00:48:45,619
If you enjoyed this episode, please pass it

1357
00:48:45,619 --> 00:48:47,219
along to a friend in recovery who would

1358
00:48:47,219 --> 00:48:49,219
benefit from listening. It is my mission to

1359
00:48:49,219 --> 00:48:50,928
get this information out to as many high

1360
00:48:50,928 --> 00:48:51,428
achievers

1361
00:48:51,728 --> 00:48:53,488
as possible, and I can't do it without

1362
00:48:53,488 --> 00:48:54,228
your help.