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I get why they would assume that these

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are a bunch of just narcissistic men with

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over inflated egos and I I'm not gonna

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say you're wrong.

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You are listening to the sex addiction podcast

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for high achievers, business professionals, executives, and entrepreneurs.

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This podcast is designed to apply sobriety and

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recovery principles

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specifically to the mindset of the high achiever.

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I'm your host, Roland Cochran, founder of The

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Successful Addict, a recovery group for high achieving

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men struggling with sex and porn addiction. For

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more information about joining our group or attending

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our next retreat, visit successful addict dot com.

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And now, enjoy the rest of the episode.

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Are my groups full of a bunch of

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narcissists?

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It is a common assumption. Right? Because all

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of my groups are full of high achieving

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entrepreneurial men, lawyers, doctors, surgeons, sales professionals,

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you know, business owners of different kinds.

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You know, it's it's it's I I get

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why they would assume that these are a

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bunch of just narcissistic men with overinflated egos.

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And,

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I I'm not gonna say you're wrong. I'll

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be the first to admit,

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do do,

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successful men in in America, especially,

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you know, do they have narcissistic traits? Absolutely.

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Absolutely.

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Have they grown to be pretty darn entitled?

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Yes. They have. I'm not gonna say that

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they haven't.

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You know, and along with that grandiosity,

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you know, you know, extremely egoic behaviors,

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You know, no no question about it. So

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I'm so I I can see why people

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would assume that about my my groups. Right?

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And then for the betrayed partners,

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I could see you can see why they

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would be like, why do I want this

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guy to go hang around a bunch of

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guys with these with these traits, these personality

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traits? Well well, here's why, though. It's actually

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the opposite of what you would think. Right?

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I think the assumption is that,

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being around these men is going to,

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going to promote more,

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narcissistic traits and use of these traits. It's

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gonna promote more grandiosity,

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more superiority complexes, more, hey. We're special. We're

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entitled. We're above the rules. Right? You know,

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I it's actually the opposite though. The the

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reason I put these groups together literally, the

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entire reason I put these groups together

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was to actually combat those things.

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Now hear me out. We let so let's

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say you go to a group, that's open

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to the general population. Right? And it's not

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specific to high achieving men. So now here

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you are, and everyone is talking about their

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addiction stories,

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their personality flaws, and the different, you know,

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belief systems that they've developed that needs to

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change. Right?

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But what if none of it has to

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do with things that you deal with as

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a high achieving man in America?

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Is that actually beneficial? You know? So it's

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it's this paradox of where, you know, I

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think everyone says, like, oh, I don't want

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my husband in that environment around men like

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that because it's gonna make their problems worse.

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It it it could not be further from

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the truth. It could not be further from

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the truth. It is actually the exact opposite.

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I would say if guys are going into

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a room

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where all the other men in that room

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are not, you know, they don't struggle with,

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entitlement, you know, successful male entitlement. They don't

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struggle with the sense of superiority and this

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desire to be the best.

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They they aren't, you know, really,

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confident, outgoing, and and trying to constantly use

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kind of these egoic

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pieces of their success

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for self gain. Right? If you're not if

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if, if the other guys in the room

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are not struggling in the same way that

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you're struggling with your thought processes,

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it actually I would say you're creating more

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blind spots. You know, if no if there's

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no other, you know, successful guy in the

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room who operates and has a compuls you

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know, sexual compulsivity like you,

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I would say there's blind spots. You you

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you won't talk about it nearly as much

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as you probably should. Because I do. I

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it it's funny. The the very traits, you

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know, grandiosity,

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entitlement,

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the the narcissistic traits, the desire to be

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superior

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superior in the superiority complex. Right?

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This constant thirst for for novelty and and,

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you know, boredom is our enemy. Right? All

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of these traits, definitely, without without question, I'll

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be the first to admit

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have promoted and,

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caused made our sexually compulsive behaviors worse. No

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question about it. No question about it. And

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those are the very things that need to

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be discussed.

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So my point is it's it's interesting. Right?

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You you the assumption, I think, is like,

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oh, it's a bunch of just rich dudes

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hanging out, who don't really wanna change.

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I I can't that there is nothing further

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from the truth.

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It is a yes. They are a successful

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net. And, yes, have they done well for

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themselves financially?

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Sure. But do we want to keep being

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this way?

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Entitled? You kidding me? No.

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Entitled, I I that's the last thing I

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wanna be. Narcissistic? You bet that's even worse.

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Superior? Right? That I walk into every room

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and, like, for decades, I've been trying to

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be better than other men, and now I

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realize that that's actually severed my ability to

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connect and be equal with others. Right? This

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this, you know, what kind of guy thinks

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he's above the rules? What are you, freaking

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10 years old? I mean, these are these

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are not good traits to have. And so,

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no. In no way are my groups full

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of men trying to hang on to these

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traits. It is it is the exact opposite.

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I would say

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daily, weekly,

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and at the intensives,

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a huge focus of the discussion is we

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gotta get this crap out of our life.

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We can't walk around trying to be better

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than others and striving to be superior.

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Right? This whole thing that, oh, we've we've

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worked hard and we've accomplished, so now, you

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know, we're entitled to these certain things. I

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mean, come on. You know, it's childish. It's

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this childish behavior. So my the reason I

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record this is it is a common it

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is a very common question that I get

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from,

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you know, therapists and betrayed partners. Like, why

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why a group for successful men? And here's

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the reason why.

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Two reasons. One,

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their compulsivity is entirely different. It it is

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very much driven through this need for attention,

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respect, admiration,

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superiority.

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Again, it's this it's it's feeding, you know,

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it's feeding that grandiosity. So in in in

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many ways, this program, you know, you know,

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yes, it's a it's a sex addiction program,

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but the driver from the sex addiction is

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from this grandiose superiority complex

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male entitlement thing. It really is. That's the

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cause. So, so, yes, are we filling the

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groom room with men struggling with that very

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same process addiction? Yes. Intentionally.

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We are intentionally doing that to increase the

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likelihood that we are actually addressing the very

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issues that men like this are struggling with.

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And the goal isn't to keep

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being this way. You know, we're we're we're

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not trying to create this, like, special group

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where we're better than other men's men in

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addiction. That is not the case at all.

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I'm trying to create an environment where men

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can connect with other men who have the

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same process addiction.

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Right? Who who are who are engaging in

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the exact same unwanted brain practices. Right? Whereas

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when they go to twelve step and the

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room's full of guys who just have a

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very different sex addiction than them, how connecting

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is that? How much are we actually having

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the conversations that we need to have to

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get over some of these beliefs that are

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actually driving all this behavior in the first

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place? So again, is are my groups full

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of narcissists, grandiose men, entitled men? Sure.

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You could say that. And I wouldn't think

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it's necessarily

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false. But I would say, do we are

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we proud of becoming that way? Are we

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born that way? Do we wanna stay that

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way? No. There's not a single guy in

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any one of my groups

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who likes those traits and doesn't recognize that

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it has almost destroyed their entire life and

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what looks like and could destroy their family

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and completely ruin their what their their wife's,

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you know, sense of self and sense of

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future and past. Right? We we we see

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the ugliness of these traits and they are

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they are unattractive traits. And they're personally frankly,

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just traits that we never really wanted to

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have in the first place. So in no

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way are we trying to keep any of

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this superiority. You know, the only reason we

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are gathering together is because we have a

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lot in common, and it's just easier to

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connect and easier to have, you know, really

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insightful discussions

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around our very specific process addiction.

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In no way is it's because we think

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we're better than other people. It's not like

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a a rich man's club. That that is

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not what this is. It is a it

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is a place together around, having a very

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similar process addiction that we are all pursuing

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so that we can change it faster.

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Thanks for listening to this episode. If you

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are a high achiever with the sex addiction

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and you're looking for a recovery group full

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of like minded men, visit successfuladdict.com.

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We provide men with a recovery mastermind group

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using four day retreats,

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weekly group calls, and daily accountability check ins.

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If you wanna achieve long term sobriety and

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save your marriage, go to our website and

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fill out our application. If you enjoyed this

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episode, please pass it along to a friend

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in recovery who would benefit from listening. It

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is my mission to get this information out

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to as many high achievers as possible, and

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I can't do it without your help.