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This topic of entitlement,

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narcissistic

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traits and tendencies, right? Grandiosity, it's it's a

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huge topic in the sex edition field right

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now and I can totally see why. I

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will tell you right now from from personal

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experience,

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99%

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of my acting out behaviors

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came

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from entitlement.

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You are listening to the sex addiction podcast

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for high achievers, business professionals, executives, and entrepreneurs.

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This podcast is designed to apply sobriety and

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recovery principles

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principles

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specifically to the mindset of the high achiever.

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I'm your host, Roland Cochran, founder of The

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Successful Addict, a recovery group for high achieving

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men struggling with sex and porn addiction. For

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more information about joining our group or attending

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our next retreat, visit successfuladdict.com.

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And now, enjoy the rest of the episode.

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I felt entitled to getting what I wanted.

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Right? And I in many ways, I felt

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like I needed to get it to prove

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my superiority, that I was special, that the

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rules don't apply to me. Me, they apply

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to other men. Right? But not men of

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my status or stature or whatever. Right? That

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was my own pathology. So as the field

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is kind of talking about this this entitlement,

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I don't disagree whatsoever. I

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believe that it's probably, for for many men,

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especially high achieving men, successful entrepreneurial men, I

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believe it's it's probably the number one cause

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of their unwanted sexual behavior and their infidelities.

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But but I wanna kind of expand the

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discussion a little bit because I see a

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lot of people talking about these traits and

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tendencies

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and and pathologizing them, labeling them, right, judging

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them. And,

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I think there's a bigger question that that

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should be being discussed and that is why.

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Why are these men becoming this way? Right?

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Why aren't we talking about that? Because in

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the end, if we don't address the why,

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then we're constantly trying to,

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fix these men. Right? It's all it's all

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retroactive.

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Right? But what about where this came from?

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Right? Because I when I think back to

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when I was a boy, I was very

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humble. I I I I loved being equal.

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Right? That was, you know, my my superiority

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complex and my entitlement and grandiosity kind of

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formed over time. Right? So so why was

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that? I think if we go back to

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childhood, we can see a lot of this

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explanation.

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When we when we look at women, right,

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when when young girls are growing up, what

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are they doing? Right? They're playing with dolls.

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Right? They're they're they're they're three years old

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and we're giving them a baby doll, an

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infant. Right? So it's we're basically just saying,

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hey. Life is going to be filled with

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with babies, families. They they play house. Right?

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They have plastic kitchens that they're playing.

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They have a Barbie and a Ken doll.

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Right? A husband and a wife and they're

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and they're, living in this in this big

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two story house that they're that they're playing

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in. Okay? So so women are,

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spent spend their their their lives dreaming about

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this this future. Right? This this beautiful future

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of a strong,

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you know, strong marital dyad with this with

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this, wonderful husband,

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and then you have this family and this

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this beautiful strong family unit. Right? And and

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that's really what they're focused on. Right? That's

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a lot of their their youth and their

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childhood. Right? And so their their

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their mind is is really kind of focused

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on having this, you know, really wonderful, beautiful,

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strong family. Right? This this unbreakable,

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unconditional love,

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thing they're trying to build. Or when we

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look at men, what are we playing with?

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Right? We're playing with, supercars, little Ferraris and

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Lamborghinis.

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And then look at the look at the

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the characters that we're playing with. And we're

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not playing house. Right? We're playing with superheroes.

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Right? These these men who are superior

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to the general population. That's why we call

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them superheroes. Right? And so here we are

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watching,

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superhero TV shows or playing with superhero action

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figures. Right? So our whole youth are from

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from basically zero to whatever, eight, zero to

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10, we are playing with and idolizing

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these

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superior men who are genuinely

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portrayed,

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they're up on this pedestal. Right? They're portrayed

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as being better than others. And how is

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it shown that society looks at them? Society

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respects them. Society celebrates them. Right? You know,

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Superman, Batman, these these are the heroes. Right?

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Everybody, you know, they're they're larger than life.

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Right? And so if this is shown as

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the ideal way to be, this is the

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perfect man.

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I find it I find it a bit

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interesting too. They're,

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they're all single. They don't have wives. Right?

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They, you know, Batman goes home to his

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mansion,

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and he has no wife and no kids.

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Superman. Right? They you know, they have these

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girlfriends. Right? But they don't, they're not these

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monogamously

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married men who are, you know, pouring everything

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they have into this into this family unit.

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Right? No. They're not. They are shown as

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being wealthy, superior, capable, right, well respected, held

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in held in this, up on this pedestal.

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They're being admired constantly by

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by everyone around them. And and not only

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that but they're shown as being good. Right?

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They're shown as being the best of the

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best. Like you can't be any gooder than

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these good guys. Right? So my point is,

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here we are and that we're we're basically

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being groomed to be superior, to be better,

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to be respected, to be admired, to be

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the center of attention. So then when these

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high achieving men, these entrepreneurial men are start

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their their business journey, you know, they're typically

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outgoing, charismatic,

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confident men. And,

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for again, for that first decade,

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they were trained that this is what the

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best guy is. The one that everybody admires

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is in this position of superiority. He can

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do the things that regular people can't do.

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So as you can see, you can kind

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of you can kind of see where this

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is gonna become an issue and a problem,

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right, when when these young men are growing

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up. Right? They're they're already

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trying to be above everyone else. They're trying

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to do the things that no one else

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can can do. Right? They're they're

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they're they're entitled. It's it's already kind of

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in the works and and and brewing. Right?

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Their their superiority complex

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doesn't even seem to them like a superiority

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complex because, again, they were taught that being

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superior is the way to be. Right? That

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to be that guy up on the pedestal,

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that's the one you wanna be, not the

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not the other guys who can't fight the

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bad guys. Right? You wanna be the guy

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who can fight the bad guys. And so

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as we're looking at all of this, kind

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of conditioning in our childhood,

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does it make sense why these men kind

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of turn into the,

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you know, the the the superior grandiose

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narcissistic

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men they become. Right? It's because we're kind

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of like trying to live out this fantasy.

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And I know it sounds so childish and

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it looks childish. It really does. Like like

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in my recovery,

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trust me, when I look back at how

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I acted and how I decided to spend

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the time, the things that I was thinking,

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it really is. It's like what a it's

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like what a 10 year old boy would

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think. Right? But here I am

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in my late thirties owning multiple businesses, leading

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hundreds of employees. Right? And I'm in I

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have this mindset. I have this larger than

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life superhero mindset. I know it sounds pathetic,

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but that's the case. So as we're seeing

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this, there's tons of entitlement. There's tons of

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grandiosity. We

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we we want these people to recognize us

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just like we saw growing up. Right? Like,

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hey, I'm doing all these great things. Where

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where's where's my recognition? Where's my admiration? Right?

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Why are you not looking me up on

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this pedestal? I thought that was what I

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was supposed to do. Haven't I earned that?

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Right? And again, it sounds so childish. Right?

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Like, look at me. I'm special. I I

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I made it. Where where's my where's my

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trophy? Where's my crown? So the point of

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all of this discussion is, you know, as

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we're looking at unwanted sexual behavior, sexual sex

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addiction, compulsive sexual behavior,

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that that entitlement

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can start to bleed over into that. Right?

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Whereas if we're not getting this, you know,

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these results that we were promised that Batman

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got, Superman got, all these other, kind of

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Hollywood figures that we admired got,

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We can go on a on a conquest

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essentially to get that. Right? And so that's

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why you see these men acquiring money, acquiring

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fancy big cars, big houses. Right?

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Designer clothes. Right? They're trying they're they're looking

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around at their community and they're trying to

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figure out, hey. How do I get them

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to look at me like they look at

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Batman? Right? How do I get that how

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do I get that to happen? And unfortunately,

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one of those things, probably one of the

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biggest things, you know, right around money, I

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don't I can't decide which one's tied for

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first place, if it's,

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women and the attention from attractive women or

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if it's if it's money and the powers

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and status associated with money. To me, maybe

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they're right around the same or tied, but,

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I mean, women are are very, very close.

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There's often times sometimes I look at it

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and I think women are actually ahead of

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money and power.

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And so my point of all this, if

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if that's the goal, look at how much

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trouble they're gonna get into. Right? I I

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would say, you know, when they get into

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this marriage, how different are the two mindsets.

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Right? The the their spouse, what's what's the

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what's their wife?

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What's what's she want for for their life?

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And is it actually in line with what

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you want for your life? Right? Is your

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definitions of of success and accomplishment the same?

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Or is there some serious incongruencies there and

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and where where is that gonna lead? I

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think we're seeing a lot of that now

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and unfortunately, one of those consequences is is

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infidelity.

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Thanks for listening to this episode. If you

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are a high achiever of the sex addiction

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and you're looking for a recovery group full

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of like minded men, visit successfuladdict.com.

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We provide men with a recovery mastermind group

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using four day retreats,

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00:09:03,190 --> 00:09:05,910
weekly group calls, and daily accountability check ins.

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If you wanna achieve long term sobriety and

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save your marriage, go to our website and

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fill out our application. If you enjoyed this

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episode, please pass it along to a friend

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in recovery who would benefit from listening. It

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is my mission to get this information out

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to as many high achievers as possible, and

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I can't do it without your help.