55. If You Were Born Before 2025… You Have Childhood Trauma

The word “trauma” is often misunderstood. It’s not just abuse… Trauma can be a result of advice, mentorship, or any event for that matter.

Parenting is not about being a “good” parent. Oftentimes, it’s “good parenting” that results in the most trauma to the child.

Kids don’t need someone to tell them who to become, what to believe, and how to live their lives. In fact, overparenting can sometimes be worse than neglect.

Why??

Because kids who have been overparented often believe that they had a “perfect childhood.” Whereas the neglected child knows that they had flawed parents, and they are often more open to being wrong and seeking out new ways of thinking.

This episode may be helpful when looking back and identifying where some of your sex addiction may have stemmed from.

If you want help identifying the root cause of your sex or porn addiction, visit my website: successfuladdict.com

It can be challenging to identify the flaws in your upbringing without a group to help you discover where your problematic beliefs came from and which ones are causing you to act out sexually.

FULL TRANSCRIPT

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If you were born before the year 2025,

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you experienced childhood trauma.

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You are listening to the sex addiction podcast

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for high achievers, business professionals, executives, and entrepreneurs.

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This podcast is designed to apply sobriety and

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recovery principles specifically to the mindset of the

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high achiever. I'm your host, Roland Cochran, founder

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of The Successful Addict, a recovery group for

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high achieving men struggling with sex and porn

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addiction. For more information about joining our group

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or attending our next retreat, visit successfuladdict.com.

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And now, enjoy the rest of the episode.

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I'm gonna say that again. If you were

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born before 2025,

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a k a everyone listening to this,

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you experienced childhood trauma.

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And, you know, it's it's one of those

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things. Right? We hear the word trauma and

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we think that we had bad parents, abusive

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parents. Right? Verbal abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse.

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You know, they call those big t traumas.

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But, you know, my definition of trauma, and

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I've bounced this off of a ton of

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therapists

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and they all like my definition.

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My definition of trauma is anything that alters

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the natural course of who you are supposed

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to become. Right? So anything that alters that.

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Right? So somebody could give you advice.

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Somebody could give you advice, good advice,

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right, to become, you know, get into some

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sort of successful career and become extremely wealthy.

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Right? Buy everything in the world. Right? Win

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all these awards.

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That could be trauma. Now hear me out

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here. Why do I say that? Well, because

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let's say you were supposed to become

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a musician or a poet

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or, maybe you were supposed to open up

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a daycare.

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Maybe you had a passion of of having

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a fly fishing company or a rafting, company

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where you would take people rafting down the

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Colorado River. You know, whatever it is, if

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if that was your dream, that's the thing

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that lights you up inside.

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And then your mentors, your parents,

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you know, television idols,

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icons, influencers, whatever. If these people convince you

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that you will be happier, that you will

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be,

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more connected, and you'll have more friends and

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more people will like you if you became

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a lawyer, doctor,

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hedge fund manager,

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Wall Street,

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stock trader?

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You know, any of that if that if

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that influenced you to go that route because

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you listened to them. Right? Oh, I wanna

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have more friends. I want to, win more

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awards. I want people to remember my name.

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You know, that that kind of influence can

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alter the natural course of where you were

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going to go, the person you were born

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to become.

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That is trauma. That is trauma. It's none

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of those people's business. They should stay out

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of your business. I always say this. Parents

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should keep you from dying, keep you from

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getting arrested, and keeping you from having a

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child before you're ready ready to have a

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child. Those three things,

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arresting,

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having a kid, or dying. Outside of that,

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stay out of your kid's business. Here's the

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thing. You know, we we see these bad

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kids, rebellious kids, breaking the rules, whatever.

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That is a maladaptive behavior from something they

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learned. You know, here's the thing that we

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know about all humans. Humans don't ever intentionally

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do anything to harm themselves. Right? They would

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never jeopardize their their their full potential

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or harm the potential of another person. Humans

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just don't do that. A healthy human whose,

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you know, brain's operating correctly, they don't hurt

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themselves, they don't hurt others.

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So if we see somebody intentionally hurting themselves

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or it looks like intentionally and we see

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somebody maybe hurting another person, you know, your

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first instinct shouldn't be to judge that individual.

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You should ask what the heck happened to

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them to get them to make that decision.

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Right? And it's it's part of the reason

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why, you know, I I get I get

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so fired up when I when I see

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people judging,

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or or talking poorly about somebody struggling with

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sexually compulsive behavior, porn addiction, sex addiction. You

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know, really lights me up because,

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I'm I run groups

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full of very successful men who give give

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I mean, some of them donate half of

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their income

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to different charitable causes. Right? They're on boards

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of nonprofits. I mean, these are good people.

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They care about others. They care about the

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community. They care about their family, their spouse.

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Right? So to cast judgment on this individual

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based off of their actions and say that,

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oh, that's a that's a measure of their

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character, I just completely simply simply I disagree.

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I think I think people's actions are a

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byproduct of their upbringing, their environment,

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the people who are around them. You know,

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it's it's a byproduct of the things that

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influence them. I I don't think it's a

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reflection of their character. I think that's extremely

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inaccurate. But back to kind of the trauma

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piece. Right? We talk about this in the

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in the sex addiction world that, you know,

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most,

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if not all people with compulsive sexual behavior

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came from their childhood trauma. Right? You'll hear

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that over and over again.

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And it's true, but I think a big

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barrier is the word trauma. You know, There's

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so many people who think, oh, I had

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great parents.

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I used to say that. I always said,

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oh my gosh, I had great parents because

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they loved me, they did everything. We were

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poor, but they did everything

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that

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they could,

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even despite

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how how poor we were, to have us

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have a good life.

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But me having a good child is is

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complete nonsense. Right? Just because they loved me

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and just because they wanted to love me

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doesn't mean that they did a good job.

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Right? And I think the most common trauma,

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especially amongst high achievers and successful men

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is a is a performance based household. And

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you'll and you'll see you'll see two different

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kinds of parents with successful men. Right? It's

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either a a performance based household full of

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what people would call good parents. Right? You

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know, maybe they're fine they have financial means,

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you know, they're home a lot, they're attending

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all their kids' sporting events, they're coming to

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all the kids' after school activities,

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you know, they're very involved in their kids'

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lives,

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you know, the the the child's under the

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impression that, oh, wow, I have great parents.

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Right? And usually these parents are kinda tooting

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their own horn. Right? They're bragging about, oh,

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I would never miss any of your sport

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games, honey, or, oh, you know, all those

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other parents, they they're very, very busy and

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they work and we don't do that. We

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spend time with you guys. We wanna go

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on great family vacations. Right? So a lot

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of the times these parents are kind of

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reinforcing

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that their parenting strategy is the best parenting

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strategy or or a good parenting strategy. But

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again, I I think that just depends on

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the measure. Right? You know, if if the

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measurement of good parenting is how many wealthy

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kids and financially successful kids that you can

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raise,

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okay, then maybe they were good parents if

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that's the measure.

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But, you know, to to to me, what

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what's more important? A child who grows up

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to become financially independent and is able to

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retire in their late forties, is that really

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success?

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What if they're miserable? What if they're empty

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inside? Right? What if they end you know,

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spend their whole whole life selling something or

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or doing a career that they hated,

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Right? All to what? Retire early and get

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a bunch of money. Is is that a

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successful life? Is that what you want for

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your children? Right? So when we're thinking about

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us, wherever you're listening to this, right, you

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know, when we're wondering, hey. Why am I

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engaging in this unwanted behavior? Why am I

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why have I become addicted to sex or

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pornography? How did I get to this point

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where I'm paying for sex, hiring prostitutes, using

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women, run nightstands, cheating on my wife?

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It is from the child from your childhood

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trauma. Now, you know, this is a huge

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rabbit hole, and we could talk about this

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for days and days and days. I mean,

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I could have an entire podcast around

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childhood trauma and and and the sex addiction

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and porn addiction that would follow. But my

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point of this particular recording was to just

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open everyone's eyes to the fact that, you

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know, I don't I don't think there's a

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a a person out there who didn't experience

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a degree of trauma. Right? And they had

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to course correct. You know? And some of

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them had great parents and maybe they accidentally

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traumatized their kids by, you know,

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forcing their beliefs on them or over and

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overly encouraging them to go do something and

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then they think, ah, shoot. Should we have

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really forced them to do that? Right? Was

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that kind of wrong? And then you can

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always course correct, but that but those are

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but those are still traumas even if you

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course correct. Right? Somebody knocking you off the

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course because you feel like you would be

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more loved or a better person,

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that's traumatic. That's not your course.

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Right? Your parents' job was to have you

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become you. Right? Figure out what your unique

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abilities are, what your passions are, the things

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that motivate you so you can live this

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really life filled,

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fulfilled life that's full of, you know, abundance

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and opportunity. Right? That's their job. But we

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don't do that. Right? Between school, television,

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you know, the the the different, influencers out

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there on social media, there's so much information

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coming at people these days convincing them who

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they need to become. Right? And so it's

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it's to the point where, you know, we

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don't raise kids to think independently. We we

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raise them

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to be successful, to, you know, fulfill their

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full potential

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according to us. Right? Our definition of success,

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our definition of a good life. But that's

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not our job. Right? So so to come

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back to kind of how this affects,

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men, right, it's

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a bunch of different ways. Right? If you're

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led to believe that the more money you

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accumulate and the less debt you have, that

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that makes you a good person, that's the

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measure of a good life, then you're going

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to put a ton of focus on that.

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Right? And that could create other voids in

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your life. Right? You might spend too much

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time working and not enough time,

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connecting with others or or get, giving love

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or receiving love from others. And so what's

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it gonna do? What's that what's that void

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you're gonna

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going to turn into? Well, it could turn

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into a sex and porn addiction. It could

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turn into a substance addiction. It could turn

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into,

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a series of divorces and broken relationships from

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your inability to connect. Right? Let's use another

264
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example. Let's say that,

265
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let's say that you, your girlfriend broke up

266
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with you when you were 12 years old

267
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and she decided to date your best friend.

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And your best friend was more muscular than

269
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you, he was more tan than you, his

270
00:09:28,429 --> 00:09:30,190
teeth looked better than you, his parents were

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rich and your parents were poor. Right? That

272
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breakup could carry with it a very significant

273
00:09:35,790 --> 00:09:37,470
conclusion. Right? You could draw your you could

274
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draw a conclusion that she left you because

275
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your parents didn't have enough money. Right? She

276
00:09:41,714 --> 00:09:43,794
left you because your clothes weren't the right

277
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brands. Right? Your clothes weren't nice enough. Right?

278
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I mean, who knows the story that this

279
00:09:47,315 --> 00:09:49,075
12 year old boy is gonna tell himself

280
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about why his girlfriend left him and chose

281
00:09:50,834 --> 00:09:53,154
his best friend. But again, that story he

282
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tells himself is trauma.

283
00:09:55,269 --> 00:09:56,470
I think, you know, and that's what I

284
00:09:56,470 --> 00:09:58,070
really what I really wanted to get at

285
00:09:58,070 --> 00:10:00,089
here was I lived my whole life

286
00:10:00,470 --> 00:10:02,629
thinking that I was not traumatized, that I

287
00:10:02,629 --> 00:10:04,710
had a perfect childhood. And the dangers of

288
00:10:04,710 --> 00:10:07,285
that is that anything that screwed up is

289
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your fault. You blame yourself.

290
00:10:09,285 --> 00:10:10,965
Right? That's where the shame comes in. I

291
00:10:10,965 --> 00:10:12,884
am a bad person. I'm a stupid person.

292
00:10:12,884 --> 00:10:13,625
I'm a irresponsible

293
00:10:14,004 --> 00:10:16,485
person, whatever the story may be. And that's

294
00:10:16,485 --> 00:10:18,644
your conclusion based off of the data that

295
00:10:18,644 --> 00:10:20,404
you're getting. And that's that's what we're talking

296
00:10:20,404 --> 00:10:22,230
about here with trauma. It's I I want

297
00:10:22,230 --> 00:10:24,070
everyone to stop thinking about the big t

298
00:10:24,070 --> 00:10:26,730
traumas. Right? Sex abuse, physical abuse, verbal abuse,

299
00:10:26,789 --> 00:10:28,389
and think about just lessons that you would

300
00:10:28,389 --> 00:10:29,509
learn. You know, one of the one of

301
00:10:29,509 --> 00:10:31,269
the stories I always tell people about my

302
00:10:31,269 --> 00:10:32,409
own trauma was

303
00:10:32,710 --> 00:10:34,470
I, we had this we had this very

304
00:10:34,470 --> 00:10:36,855
wealthy family friend. And I was over at

305
00:10:36,855 --> 00:10:38,695
his house, and he was up in his

306
00:10:38,695 --> 00:10:40,134
office. And he said, hey, Roland. Come over

307
00:10:40,134 --> 00:10:40,634
here.

308
00:10:41,095 --> 00:10:42,535
And he showed me his computer, and his

309
00:10:42,535 --> 00:10:44,715
computer had all these red and green numbers.

310
00:10:45,095 --> 00:10:46,615
And he was showing me, hey. See all

311
00:10:46,615 --> 00:10:48,629
the green on there? You know, that's that's

312
00:10:48,629 --> 00:10:50,070
how much money I made. And he was

313
00:10:50,070 --> 00:10:52,230
saying he said, hey. While you since you

314
00:10:52,230 --> 00:10:53,429
and your family have been here, we were

315
00:10:53,429 --> 00:10:54,870
only there for an hour. He said, since

316
00:10:54,870 --> 00:10:56,950
you and your family were here, I've made

317
00:10:56,950 --> 00:10:58,090
$18,000

318
00:10:58,389 --> 00:10:59,750
doing nothing. Right? And he was he was

319
00:10:59,750 --> 00:11:01,670
trying to teach me about the concept of

320
00:11:01,670 --> 00:11:03,910
compound interest, right, and and investing in the

321
00:11:03,910 --> 00:11:04,365
stock

322
00:11:04,845 --> 00:11:05,504
market. And,

323
00:11:05,964 --> 00:11:07,264
while he meant well,

324
00:11:08,605 --> 00:11:11,245
I all I heard was, wow. This guy

325
00:11:11,245 --> 00:11:14,205
knows way more than my poor dad knows.

326
00:11:14,205 --> 00:11:16,684
Right? So I'm I I and everybody loves

327
00:11:16,684 --> 00:11:18,125
this guy. Right? Here he is. We're at

328
00:11:18,125 --> 00:11:19,745
his 13 bedroom mansion

329
00:11:20,090 --> 00:11:22,009
for this for this party. He's got everybody

330
00:11:22,009 --> 00:11:24,009
over. Everybody loves this guy. He always throws

331
00:11:24,009 --> 00:11:24,910
the best parties.

332
00:11:25,370 --> 00:11:27,690
Everybody at church, you know, love this guy.

333
00:11:27,690 --> 00:11:29,370
Right? They looked at him differently than they

334
00:11:29,370 --> 00:11:30,970
looked at everybody else. So what was the

335
00:11:30,970 --> 00:11:32,730
story that I was telling myself as a

336
00:11:32,730 --> 00:11:33,389
young man?

337
00:11:33,804 --> 00:11:35,504
Watching that, I was thinking, wow.

338
00:11:35,884 --> 00:11:37,665
If I'm gonna become a somebody,

339
00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:39,884
I need to learn how these red and

340
00:11:39,884 --> 00:11:42,045
green these red and green numbers work. Right?

341
00:11:42,045 --> 00:11:43,825
And so that that was trauma.

342
00:11:44,205 --> 00:11:47,009
Right? If he had not gone there and

343
00:11:47,009 --> 00:11:48,610
encouraged me to, hey, Roland, you need to

344
00:11:48,610 --> 00:11:49,889
figure this out if you're gonna become a

345
00:11:49,889 --> 00:11:51,570
somebody. He didn't quite say that, but that

346
00:11:51,570 --> 00:11:53,970
was kind of what was insinuated was look

347
00:11:53,970 --> 00:11:56,470
how special I am. Hey, you, you know,

348
00:11:56,769 --> 00:11:58,529
you should go learn how to make passive

349
00:11:58,529 --> 00:12:00,529
income so you can be super rich. Right?

350
00:12:00,529 --> 00:12:02,129
Again, he didn't say that, but that was

351
00:12:02,129 --> 00:12:03,085
what I concluded.

352
00:12:03,544 --> 00:12:05,384
And that's why, you know, I I I

353
00:12:05,384 --> 00:12:07,225
say this for two reasons. One, so you

354
00:12:07,225 --> 00:12:09,625
can honor some of those life experiences that

355
00:12:09,625 --> 00:12:11,144
happened to you, the things that you might

356
00:12:11,144 --> 00:12:14,184
not consider trauma that actually changed the way

357
00:12:14,184 --> 00:12:16,105
you thought because of the conclusion that you

358
00:12:16,105 --> 00:12:16,605
drew.

359
00:12:17,639 --> 00:12:18,839
This could be as simple as I I

360
00:12:18,839 --> 00:12:20,600
think a a a more simple story that

361
00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:22,360
I always tell is I had these three,

362
00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:24,039
these these two best friends. It was the

363
00:12:24,039 --> 00:12:27,399
three of us. And, one summer, they decided

364
00:12:27,399 --> 00:12:29,959
to just unfriend me out of nowhere. They

365
00:12:29,959 --> 00:12:32,039
didn't return my calls. They started hanging out

366
00:12:32,039 --> 00:12:34,274
without me and not inviting me. You know,

367
00:12:34,274 --> 00:12:35,954
and I can't remember what I concluded, but

368
00:12:35,954 --> 00:12:37,634
I felt I felt very rejected. I felt

369
00:12:37,634 --> 00:12:39,235
unwanted. That was the second time that that

370
00:12:39,235 --> 00:12:39,975
had happened.

371
00:12:40,355 --> 00:12:41,554
Right? So now I was thinking something was

372
00:12:41,554 --> 00:12:43,475
wrong. People people don't wanna be friends with

373
00:12:43,475 --> 00:12:45,235
me. Right? And there's some sort of reason

374
00:12:45,235 --> 00:12:46,995
for that. I'm I'm not cool enough. I'm

375
00:12:46,995 --> 00:12:47,894
not funny enough.

376
00:12:48,649 --> 00:12:50,970
Again, I I grew I I we were

377
00:12:50,970 --> 00:12:52,490
poor and a bunch of rich people built

378
00:12:52,490 --> 00:12:54,350
around us, so I accident I accidentally

379
00:12:54,970 --> 00:12:57,370
grew up in a very wealthy neighborhood. So

380
00:12:57,370 --> 00:12:58,730
a lot of the the stories that I

381
00:12:58,730 --> 00:13:00,490
told myself was I'm not rich enough. My

382
00:13:00,490 --> 00:13:02,564
clothes aren't nice enough. Right? I'm not cool

383
00:13:02,564 --> 00:13:04,564
enough. My my parents don't drop me off

384
00:13:04,564 --> 00:13:05,845
in a nice enough car.

385
00:13:06,485 --> 00:13:09,125
My our house is too small and too

386
00:13:09,125 --> 00:13:10,424
poor. Right? And so,

387
00:13:11,444 --> 00:13:12,725
you know, I I I grew up I

388
00:13:12,725 --> 00:13:14,324
I had an LDS family, and we were

389
00:13:14,404 --> 00:13:16,360
I was always getting made fun of for

390
00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:18,839
the religion that my parents had chosen. So

391
00:13:18,839 --> 00:13:21,720
I hated the the Mormon church because, again,

392
00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:22,620
you know, everyone's,

393
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:24,679
making fun of me and calling me names.

394
00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:26,679
So my point of all of, saying some

395
00:13:26,679 --> 00:13:27,980
of these examples is

396
00:13:28,495 --> 00:13:28,894
the,

397
00:13:29,375 --> 00:13:31,314
the conclusion that you come to

398
00:13:32,735 --> 00:13:34,975
has has consequences. Right? As you can hear

399
00:13:34,975 --> 00:13:36,735
some of my stories, I became obsessed with

400
00:13:36,735 --> 00:13:38,735
money. Right? I thought money was gonna be

401
00:13:38,735 --> 00:13:39,934
the answer. I thought it was gonna solve

402
00:13:39,934 --> 00:13:41,454
all my problems. Right? I thought money and

403
00:13:41,454 --> 00:13:42,000
being able

404
00:13:42,639 --> 00:13:43,940
to get girls was gonna be the answer.

405
00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:46,000
And, look what happened to me. Right? It

406
00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:48,720
created all the problems and nearly destroyed my

407
00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:51,139
marriage right now with my soulmate. Right? So,

408
00:13:51,919 --> 00:13:53,679
you know, the the I wanna say one

409
00:13:53,679 --> 00:13:55,759
more quick story for people kinda wrestling with

410
00:13:55,759 --> 00:13:58,274
what's childhood trauma. I had a perfect childhood.

411
00:13:58,274 --> 00:13:59,554
Oh my gosh. I cannot tell you how

412
00:13:59,554 --> 00:14:01,715
many times I've had people tell me they

413
00:14:01,715 --> 00:14:02,615
had a perfect childhood.

414
00:14:03,315 --> 00:14:05,154
Again, this isn't just about your parents. You

415
00:14:05,154 --> 00:14:06,274
know, the story I'm about to tell you

416
00:14:06,274 --> 00:14:07,715
is about kids. Right? This there was a

417
00:14:07,715 --> 00:14:09,509
guy at one at one of my retreats,

418
00:14:09,569 --> 00:14:11,409
and he was just sitting there. We have

419
00:14:11,409 --> 00:14:12,889
this little exercise that we do to kind

420
00:14:12,889 --> 00:14:14,929
of, identify some of the traumatic things that

421
00:14:14,929 --> 00:14:16,949
happened in your life, and his was blank.

422
00:14:17,089 --> 00:14:18,289
And he was just saying, oh, I had

423
00:14:18,289 --> 00:14:20,850
a great childhood. Nothing nothing nothing really happened

424
00:14:20,850 --> 00:14:22,975
to me before I was 10 years old.

425
00:14:23,115 --> 00:14:25,115
And then as we're kinda sharing stories, he

426
00:14:25,115 --> 00:14:26,715
raises his hand. He's like, actually, hey. I

427
00:14:26,715 --> 00:14:27,695
remembered something.

428
00:14:28,554 --> 00:14:30,315
He said, hey. There was this older kid,

429
00:14:30,315 --> 00:14:32,315
and he kept he kept messing up my

430
00:14:32,315 --> 00:14:34,075
hair and and picking on me and bullying

431
00:14:34,075 --> 00:14:36,059
me. And and this next day, I I

432
00:14:36,139 --> 00:14:37,659
I I didn't wanna take it anymore. I

433
00:14:37,659 --> 00:14:39,179
wasn't gonna let him. And,

434
00:14:40,059 --> 00:14:42,299
so he spent time sharpening a little piece

435
00:14:42,299 --> 00:14:44,059
of metal and he hid it in his

436
00:14:44,059 --> 00:14:44,559
mouth.

437
00:14:45,100 --> 00:14:46,220
He hid it in his mouth because he

438
00:14:46,220 --> 00:14:47,659
knew that bully was gonna come and he

439
00:14:47,659 --> 00:14:49,019
was gonna pull this little thing out of

440
00:14:49,019 --> 00:14:50,745
his mouth and he was gonna slice him.

441
00:14:51,464 --> 00:14:53,144
And he did it. And then the bully,

442
00:14:53,144 --> 00:14:54,825
you know, ran off and never bullied him

443
00:14:54,825 --> 00:14:56,825
again. Right? But but this is a kid

444
00:14:56,825 --> 00:14:58,345
who told me I I had a perfect

445
00:14:58,345 --> 00:14:58,845
childhood.

446
00:14:59,384 --> 00:15:01,325
Tell you you told me this. Like,

447
00:15:01,784 --> 00:15:02,845
is sharpening

448
00:15:03,144 --> 00:15:05,245
a blade and hiding it in your knife

449
00:15:05,750 --> 00:15:08,470
a normal childhood? Right? Going to school feeling

450
00:15:08,470 --> 00:15:10,309
like you need to bring a sharpened piece

451
00:15:10,309 --> 00:15:12,789
of metal to defend yourself. I mean, imagine

452
00:15:12,789 --> 00:15:14,970
imagine what it's like to be that kid

453
00:15:15,269 --> 00:15:17,110
wondering when you're gonna get bullied, who's gonna

454
00:15:17,110 --> 00:15:19,044
bully you, Right? To feel like you to

455
00:15:19,044 --> 00:15:21,284
to feel like you're justified in slicing this

456
00:15:21,284 --> 00:15:23,144
kid with a sharp sharpened blade.

457
00:15:24,245 --> 00:15:26,245
That's an example. Like, you know, I I

458
00:15:26,245 --> 00:15:28,965
think it's really hard to remember life before

459
00:15:28,965 --> 00:15:30,085
we were 10, but at the same time,

460
00:15:30,085 --> 00:15:32,350
those are the most formative years. So I

461
00:15:32,350 --> 00:15:33,790
I hope this I hope this I I

462
00:15:33,790 --> 00:15:35,730
know this podcast was a little scattered,

463
00:15:36,350 --> 00:15:37,790
but it was my best efforts to really

464
00:15:37,790 --> 00:15:40,350
just kinda shine light on what trauma is.

465
00:15:40,350 --> 00:15:42,029
You know, trauma can be things that look

466
00:15:42,029 --> 00:15:44,509
really, really good. Trauma can can be really,

467
00:15:44,509 --> 00:15:46,190
really bad things. It can be anything in

468
00:15:46,190 --> 00:15:48,925
between. But remember the definition. Right? It's anything

469
00:15:49,065 --> 00:15:51,785
that somebody or someone or something's gonna do

470
00:15:51,785 --> 00:15:52,445
to you

471
00:15:52,745 --> 00:15:54,605
where you're gonna draw some sort of conclusion

472
00:15:54,745 --> 00:15:57,465
that you decide to become someone else besides

473
00:15:57,465 --> 00:15:59,465
who you were born to be. And every

474
00:15:59,465 --> 00:16:01,644
time I see somebody do this, every time

475
00:16:01,865 --> 00:16:02,850
something bad happens,

476
00:16:03,409 --> 00:16:04,289
It might be,

477
00:16:04,690 --> 00:16:07,029
sex or porn addiction. It might be horrible

478
00:16:07,089 --> 00:16:09,169
money habits. It might be poor self esteem.

479
00:16:09,169 --> 00:16:11,809
It might be poor body image. But, you

480
00:16:11,809 --> 00:16:14,230
know, some problem, you know, ruined marriages,

481
00:16:14,610 --> 00:16:17,164
poor parenting, blah blah blah. Some problem is

482
00:16:17,164 --> 00:16:19,424
gonna happen when you are off course.

483
00:16:20,205 --> 00:16:21,664
Something bad will happen.

484
00:16:22,365 --> 00:16:25,404
So, again, explore your traumas because sometimes you

485
00:16:25,404 --> 00:16:27,404
don't even know you're off course until you

486
00:16:27,404 --> 00:16:29,884
really start tracing back into life. Why do

487
00:16:29,884 --> 00:16:31,789
I believe what I believe and what events

488
00:16:31,789 --> 00:16:33,709
in my life made that happen? And that's

489
00:16:33,709 --> 00:16:35,870
when you really start to wonder, how much

490
00:16:35,870 --> 00:16:37,950
of the person I'm supposed to become am

491
00:16:37,950 --> 00:16:38,610
I today?

492
00:16:40,589 --> 00:16:42,909
Thanks for listening to this episode. If you

493
00:16:42,909 --> 00:16:44,584
are a high achiever with a sex addiction

494
00:16:44,584 --> 00:16:46,345
and you're looking for a recovery group full

495
00:16:46,345 --> 00:16:49,464
of like minded men, visit successfuladdict.com.

496
00:16:49,464 --> 00:16:52,264
We provide men with a recovery mastermind group

497
00:16:52,264 --> 00:16:53,565
using four day retreats,

498
00:16:53,945 --> 00:16:56,684
weekly group calls, and daily accountability check ins.

499
00:16:56,745 --> 00:16:59,009
If you wanna achieve long term sobriety and

500
00:16:59,009 --> 00:17:00,850
save your marriage, go to our website and

501
00:17:00,850 --> 00:17:03,090
fill out our application. If you enjoyed this

502
00:17:03,090 --> 00:17:05,329
episode, please pass it along to a friend

503
00:17:05,329 --> 00:17:07,250
in recovery who would benefit from listening. It

504
00:17:07,250 --> 00:17:09,089
is my mission to get this information out

505
00:17:09,089 --> 00:17:11,490
to as many high achievers as possible, and

506
00:17:11,490 --> 00:17:13,109
I can't do it without your help.

30. Is Sex Addiction a Christian Problem?

Scott Cone and Chris Inman run a sex and porn addiction coaching program for Christian men.  In this episode, we discuss the aspect of Christianity as it pertains to sex addiction. We also talk about... Continue

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