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So this is news that none of the

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guys wanted to hear but it needs to

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be said.

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And that’s the idea that there is no

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such thing as being recovered

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with an e d ending, having it be

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something of the

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past. You are listening to the sex addiction

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podcast for high achievers, business professionals, executives, and

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entrepreneurs.

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This podcast is designed to apply sobriety and

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recovery principles specifically to the mindset of the

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high achiever.

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I’m your host, Roland Cochran, founder of the

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Successful Addict, a recovery group for high achieving

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men struggling with sex and porn addiction. For

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more information about joining our group or attending

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our next retreat, visit successfuladdict.com.

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And now, enjoy the rest of the episode.

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And, you know, know, for most of you,

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this this isn’t a surprise because you’ve seen,

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you know, you’ve been in the groups, you’ve

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seen that, you know, sobriety is a tough

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thing in the when it comes to sex

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and porn addiction. Right? It’s,

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it’s not easy and and it’s not uncommon

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for guys to relapse,

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five years in, ten years in. Right? And

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the consequences of relapse when it comes to

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this addiction are typically pretty big. Right? Asking

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your wife for a second chance is is

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a big ask. Asking for a third chance,

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you know, a lot of guys don’t get

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that third chance. Right? So, you know,

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there there is no recovered. Right? You know,

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this is a process addiction. Right? So there’s

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brain processes that you might not even be

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aware of yet that you might discover five

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years from now. You know? I’ll speak for

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myself as somebody in recovery.

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You know, it’s not uncommon for me every

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six months to still

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discover a thought process that I am, you

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know, compulsive around or addicted to or something

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that has the potential to be unhealthy.

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Right? And so that’s why I say there

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is no such thing as,

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recovered.

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And you’re and you’re gonna hear this. Right?

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Most of the CSATs, the the, people who’ve

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been personally affected by being compulsive or addicted,

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you know, the CSATs will tell you too.

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Right? I am in recovery

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myself. They go to their own meetings. Right?

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A lot of therapists have meetings exclusive to

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CSET therapists. Right? So,

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the point is, you know, having this be

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a thing of the past to the point

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where you take your foot completely off the

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gas pedal,

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I’d be careful with that. Especially if you

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love your wife and love your family,

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you know, I I would be very, very

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careful taking your foot off the gas. So

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I wanted to just kind of introduce this

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this concept, right, of of recovery being a

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lifestyle. You know, many of you have heard

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before, I don’t like the word recovery,

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because, again, it comes with this, like, addiction

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connotation to it, right, where, it’s something that

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we’re gonna go do. It’s short term. It’s

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like this this nuisance or inconvenience.

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And we do the work, and then we

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become recovered, right, is is kind of the

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the understanding.

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And, you know, in substance addiction, you know,

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that that kinda actually makes sense. Right? In

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substance addiction, because it’s very different than process

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addiction, you can go to rehab and and

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and detox and

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become recovered, right, or or or close to

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it. Right? Well, with process addiction, it’s not

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quite like that. Right? These processes, some of

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them are really sticky.

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Some of them, you know, might take two,

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three, four, five years

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to even get out of your life. Now

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it doesn’t mean that you’re gonna be relapsing

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every week. It just means, you know, you’re

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gonna be battling some of these compulsive temptations,

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you know, throughout throughout the day.

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So I I I would like to introduce

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the concept of calling this self mastery rather

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than recovery.

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Self mastery meaning the concept of of of

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mastering oneself.

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Right? And that includes all aspects of oneself,

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The your your identity, your belief system, right,

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the things that you become attached to,

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your emotions, you know, and then and your

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needs. Right? A plethora of other things. Right?

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What it’s like to be alive and be

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a healthy individual

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operating,

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you know, you know, in a in a

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healthy fashion, fulfilling your full potential. Right? Self

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mastery versus recovery. Now are the two words

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interchangeable? Probably, honestly. When you look at the

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the when you transition out of sobriety and

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into recovery,

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you know, recovery is basically self mastery. Right?

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It’s it’s getting over the things that got

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you to these behaviors in the first place.

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Right? Your distrust of others, your,

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overreliance

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on oneself,

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this perception of, you know, the lone wolf,

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and, it’s better if I take care of

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my problems myself, the the shame around asking

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for help,

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or the,

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you know, or showing and expressing your emotions

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and the vulnerability attached to that, or or

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feeling your emotions and and feeling them as

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an inconvenience,

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which a lot of high achieving men,

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perceive emotions as is something that slows them

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down or distracts them. Right? You know, that,

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sorting all of that out, that’s recovery. And

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and it’s and it’s the same thing as

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self mastery. Right? You know, I call self

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mastery

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the the road to intentional

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living. Right? How do I create the reality

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that I want?

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The reality that elicits the emotions that I

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wanna feel. Right? If I wanna feel respected,

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admired, accomplished,

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successful, if I wanna feel like a, like

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I’m gonna be remembered when I die. Right?

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All of these emotions. If I wanna feel

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these awesome emotions, I need to create a

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reality that are going to give me, that

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are gonna it’s gonna yield those feelings. Right?

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That’s really what we’re talking about self mastery.

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So, you know,

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instead of looking at recovery as a phase

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or a thing that you’re doing so that

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you can save the marriage,

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achieve long term sobriety, whatever,

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kind of kind of flip that. You know,

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I I would say recovery is a lifestyle.

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That’s why I like to call it self

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mastery is it really never ends. Right? The

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the process of mastering oneself

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and seeking truth is a process that you’ll

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do for the rest of your life, and

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it should be fun. I mean, you’ve heard

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me say that before. If it’s not fun,

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you’re you’re doing it wrong. If it’s not

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fun, you’re you’re gonna relapse. I mean, that

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that’s just the truth. I mean, you’re gonna

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it’s gonna get old. You’re gonna take your

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foot off the gas, and you’re gonna relapse.

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So it’s important to develop a self mastery

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process that’s fun. You know, it’s not uncommon

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for guys to two x, three x, four

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x their income after joining my recovery groups,

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even though, you know, these aren’t business groups.

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We’re not talking about,

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making money.

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But the truth is, you know, in business,

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it’s an interaction between humans.

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Right? When somebody hires you, signs you on

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for a contract, buys something from you, switches

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from another company over to your company, whatever,

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it’s a human choosing you, another human. And

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so what happens oftentimes is as these guys

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are,

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diving into

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their self mastery and really sorting out their

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brain processes. Right? How many of these are

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serving me, and how many of these did

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you know, got implanted into my brain through

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childhood, through

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movies, television, you know, outside influence? Right? How

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many of the things that I believe

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was I programmed to believe versus how many

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of my beliefs are actually my own? Right?

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Do I wanna believe these things? And it’s

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that self mastery process of really teasing out,

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how do I know what I know, and

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do I actually like what I know? Do

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I even believe what I know? Have I

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stopped long enough to challenge my own belief

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system? And I think that’s the beauty of,

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self mastery and recovery

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is it’s that process. Right? Am I truly

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living my best self? Am I believing beliefs

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that I wanna believe? Do the beliefs that

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I have, did I put them there, and

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do I want them there? Were they implanted

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in me? Was I brainwashed by my parents,

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organized religion,

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mentors?

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I get advertising,

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social media influencers. Right? Have I have I

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been convinced that this is the right way

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I wanna live my life, that these things

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are important to me? Are they actually important

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to the real me? Right? And that’s the

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mastery of self is this is teasing this

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out. Now this is really, really hard to

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do on your own. That’s why you’re gonna

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see so many,

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just kind of self mastery,

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mastermind groups or these kind of these, like,

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retreats that people go on

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and, surround themselves with other people on the

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same self mastery journey. Now why is this

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important? Well, it’s really hard to test your

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own belief system because so many of our

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beliefs we consider true.

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Right? We consider it the truth because if

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it’s something you believed since you were 10

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years old, you’ve never tested it. So it

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it feels like a fact of life.

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Right? I need attention from women. I don’t

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I don’t you know, it’s it’s a it’s

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valuable

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to me when women,

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are attracted to me,

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and I can see them staring at me.

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Right? That would be a belief that I

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adopted when I was, like, 12 or 13

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years old. But when I really think about

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it, like, do I really want what what

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if these women at the gym are married?

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What if they have boyfriends? What if they

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have families and kids? Right? So I’m asking

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for them to violate their own morals and

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values of honoring their marriage and keeping their

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eyes to themselves and not objectifying me, right,

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out of respect for her husband and her

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family. Right? So, again, see, that’s what I’m

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saying is, like,

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I could think, oh, of course, I want

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her attention. Who doesn’t like to, be admired

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and wanted and feel attractive? Right? You know,

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that that’s one set of beliefs. But, again,

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now

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we test the beliefs with, well, do you

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really want married women, women in in relationships

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to be doing that? Would you want your

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wife to be doing that? Right? Because, again,

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if if those women are in relationships, you

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know, what about your wife? Do you want

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her at the gym,

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objectifying all these other men and checking them

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out, right, you know, flirting with their eyes

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or even worse or physical physically flirting? Right?

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You know, it’s easy to say on one

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side that flirting is relatively harmless. But again,

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do you want your wife doing all of

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that? Do you want your daughter doing some

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of that stuff? Right? So,

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you know, that’s what I mean by self

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mastery. It’s this it’s this testing of your

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belief system. Is this sustainable?

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Right? Because just because it feels fun for

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you and it’s convenient for you doesn’t mean

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that it’s not harming the world, doesn’t mean

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that it’s an unsustainable practice that actually makes

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this place worse.

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Right? That, you know, it violates morals and

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values that actually make make the world a

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worse place to live and a less safe

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place for for women to be in. Right?

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So, again, think about recovery as a lifestyle.

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Right? Hunt your beliefs constantly. Are these the

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best beliefs to have? And, again, don’t don’t

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keep self mastery confined to sexual sobriety.

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Right? To me, that’s a mistake, and I

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think most men make that mistake. And I

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think that’s why most men who relapse relapses,

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they’re so zoomed in on the sexual behaviors.

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It’s like, no. Let’s zoom out and look

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at the belief system that created

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the environment that allowed these sexual behaviors to

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occur because it’s that environment

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that causes all sorts of problems. Right? It’s

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that environment that why we,

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cheat on our diet, and,

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it’s that environment that makes us lazy or

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procrastinate.

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It’s the, you know, it’s there’s a lot

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more than just sexual behaviors happening

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in a world full of that belief system.

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It’s your job to understand

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how did I start believing these things and

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are these the best things for me.

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Thanks for listening to this episode. If you

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are a high achiever with a sex addiction

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and you’re looking for a recovery group full

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of like minded men, visit successfuladdict.com.

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We provide men with a recovery mastermind group

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00:10:32,184 –> 00:10:34,930
using four day retreats, weekly group calls, and

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00:10:34,930 –> 00:10:37,649
daily accountability check ins. If you wanna achieve

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long term sobriety and save your marriage, go

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to our website and fill out our application.

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If you enjoyed this episode, please pass it

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00:10:44,450 –> 00:10:46,050
along to a friend in recovery who would

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benefit from listening. It is my mission to

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get this information out to as many high

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achievers as possible, and I can’t do it

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without your help.

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