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– The first thing is consistency over time. What

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– do we know about this? Right. That’s how

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– trust is built. That’s how safety is built.

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– So if you have a distrust of others

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– or an over reliance on yourself and your

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– abilities to get things done, to take care

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– of your own needs, if you have that

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– lone Wolf

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– Right? Think about all of these things I

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– just said. Right? All of those cannot be

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– solved in twenty four hours and some of

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– those can’t even be solved in a year

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– or two. Right? It’s done over consistency,

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– over time.

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– You are listening to the sex addiction podcast

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– for high achievers, business professionals, executives, and entrepreneurs.

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– This podcast is designed to apply sobriety and

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– recovery principles specifically to the mindset of the

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– high achiever. I’m your host, Roland Cochran, founder

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– of The Successful Addict, a recovery group for

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– high achieving men struggling with sex and porn

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– addiction. For more information about joining our group

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– or attending our next retreat, visit successfuladdict.com.

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– And now, enjoy the rest of the episode.

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– So I just finished up my intensive season.

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– Right? So all of my groups, I have

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– six different groups. Each group has two intensives

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– a year, and I cluster them all together.

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– And I just finished my last one actually,

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– what? Let me see. Two hours ago. And

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– so I thought it was appropriate to just

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– jump in here and record some of the

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– insights from this season’s intensives.

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– The first thing I wanted to note. Right?

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– Everybody knows this in recovery that peer support.

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– Right? Your group, your recovery group, the guys

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– that you’re recovering with. It is without question

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– the most powerful and effective

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– long term sobriety and long term recovery tool

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– that you can use in sex addiction and

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– porn addiction and compulsive sexual behavior. I can

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– talk a little bit about some of the

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– details of that later, but we know this

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– across the board. Everybody will agree with this.

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– It’s more powerful than anything you can do.

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– Right? More powerful than an inpatient treatment, more

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– powerful than one on one therapy. Right? Now

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– I think obviously the best treatment strategy is

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– to combine all of these things. But I

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– do think if you do not have a

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– strong recovery group with strong sense of connection,

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– I mean truly, like your friends, some of

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– your best friends, I do think that your

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– recovery is not as good as it could

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– be. But I kinda wanted to highlight some

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– of the things that I really noticed from

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– this rounds of intensives.

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– As I reflect back on the things that

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– I think I noticed this season, First things

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– first, you need in person connections with these

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– people. And I really think that going to

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– a neutral location

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– for these intensives is important. Right? So I

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– think leaving your home, what we know about

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– the brain is the brain kinda gets stuck

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– in ruts. Right? And so staying in your

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– home environment

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– for these meetings is actually not nearly as

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– effective. That’s right. So many retreat centers are

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– in places like Costa Rica or

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– somewhere in the Arizona Desert or up in

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– the mountains in the North Of America, etcetera.

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– And the reason that so many retreat centers

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– are in these places is obviously nature is

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– so powerful, but there’s something about leaving the

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– comfort of your environment and just getting in

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– person with your peer group. Right? Listen, Zoom’s

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– great. Running into these little one hour meetings

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– together is certainly better than nothing. But there’s

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– something about being together for multiple days in

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– a row. Eating breakfast together, lunches together, dinners

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– together, sitting around the fire together, talking about

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– what came up that day. Being in nature

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– together, there’s something about in person connection

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– that will never be replaced by a virtual

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– and digital connection. It just never will. And

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– I know it’s an inconvenience. I get it.

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– Right? That flying across the country and taking

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– time away from your family and work. Right?

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– I get it. But at the same time,

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– I can tell you right now with confidence

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– in all of the guys in all of

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– my recovery groups. I have six groups of

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– 10 guys. So all 60 guys will tell

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– you that the in person intensives,

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– that’s where the magic happens. All the other

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– stuff matters too. Right? Connection is not ever

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– built in just

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– days together. Right? Connections built over time. But

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– at the same time, the intensives, they’re life

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– changing. Truly. I really stand by that. And

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– that was just so evident with this time

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– around. The other thing that I noticed was

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– the longer you’re in your recovery group,

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– the deeper and the better the recovery. And

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– I can see this because, like, right now

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– I have two groups who the guys have

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– been to three to four. Actually, this last

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– one I just had. I think everybody had

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– been to this was their third or more.

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– So some their fourth, some their sixth, some

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– their seventh, intensive together. And here’s the beauty

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– of the length.

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– So many of our pathologies that really drive

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– our sexual compulsivity

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– are from the most common is a distrust

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– of others. Right? I am the one who

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– can get my needs met the most. Right?

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– I don’t trust others to do it. That’s

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– through your various life events. But I just

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– trust is a big one. Right? There’s a

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– lot of this like lone wolf mentality. Right?

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– Like I can do it myself.

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– I’m better at doing things myself.

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– The other ones we see are, there’s kind

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– of this like fear of judgment. Right? Fear

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– of what other people might think about you.

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– Right? Some people have a long history of

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– shame or kind of victim thinking. Right? Thinking

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– of themselves as less than or that could

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– just be that even their sexual compulsivity, but

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– maybe other things in their life that they

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– are ashamed of. Right? So while they’re very

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– social people, in their head, they tend to

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– other themselves for others. There’s people who really

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– rely heavily on other esteem rather than self

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– esteem. Right? And so much of interacting in

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– the real world is performing. Right? It’s putting

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– on a show. It’s showing people

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– through being charismatic, likable.

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– Right? Trying to be that person everybody likes,

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– be the person everybody admires, respects, etcetera. And

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– a lot of that’s necessary in business. But

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– my point of all this is the longer

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– that you are in a recovery group, and

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– there’s something special about sex addiction recovery groups,

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– I think it’s just the vulnerable nature and

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– the embarrassing nature a lot of times of

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– the things that you’re sharing and you have

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– to share. Really bonds guys. And I think

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– I really dislike when guys think about this

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– as a short term issue. Right? Oh, I’m

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– just gonna get into these recovery groups and

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– then get out. I think that’s the wrong

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– way to think of it. And the reason

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– for that is that’s really sober thinking. Right?

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– How do I get sober? How do I

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– stop doing this stuff? And I get that.

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– Right? And obviously, stopping these behaviors

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– and getting out of your life is important.

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– Right? Especially for the married men. They need

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– this out of their lives quickly. Right? And

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– peer support groups will do that. They’ll do

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– it faster than inpatient treatment can do it.

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– Right? However,

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– here’s the benefit of staying in a recovery

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– group for really as long as you can.

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– To me, that’s how recovery happens. Right? Because

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– again, there’s a difference between sobriety and recovery.

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– Right? Sobriety is finding a way to stop

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– doing these things and have them not reoccur.

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– Recovery is changing to the point where they’re

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– not gonna happen again, right, because you’re different.

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– But, again, I think they always say connection’s

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– the cure. Right? Connection’s the cure. And I

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– a thousand percent stand by that. I have

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– tons of episodes talking about the psychology around

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– why

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– creating deep friendships with men in recovery will

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– be the most powerful thing you can do.

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– But again, think about that. The longer you’re

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– in the group, the deeper those get. And

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– there’s a couple of reasons for this. So

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– the first thing is consistency over time. What

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– do we know about this? Right? That’s how

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– trust is built. That’s how safety is built.

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– So if you have a distrust of others

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– or an overreliance on yourself and your abilities

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– to get things done, to take care of

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– your own needs, If you have that lone

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– wolf mentality,

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– if you fear people’s judgment and what they

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– think of you. Right? Think about all these

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– things I just said. Right? All of those

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– cannot be solved in twenty four hours. And

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– some of those can’t even be solved in

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– a year or two. Right? It’s done over

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– consistency

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– over time. Right? Just like for the guys

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– who have betrayed their wife’s trust, how do

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– we get their trust back? Consistency

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– over time. And it’s that second word that

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– I think especially high achieving men hate. Right?

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– This concept of like it takes time. Because

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– high achieving men, we hate

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– wasting time. We want shortcuts. We wanna speed

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– the process up. The problem is a lot

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– of these things I said, they can’t be

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– sped up. They can’t be because it’s the

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– consistency over time. So inherently,

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– it is just going to take time. And

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– And the reason I bring this up was

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– this last group that I just finished up

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– with, these guys have been together, some of

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– them for right around three years.

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– And, I mean, it’s just such a powerful

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– weekend. That’s why I felt so compelled to

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– just jump on here and record real quick

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– because

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– I was really envious. In my own recovery,

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– I did not have connections like what I

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– just saw this weekend. In many ways, I

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– mean, I almost felt like the outsider because

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– these guys have just gotten so close to

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– each other. But here’s what I saw with

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– that was

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– the feedback

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– was better. And what I mean by that

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– is when you really know someone, and I

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– mean really know someone. Right? Not just for

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– like five months. I’m talking about for like

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– a year or two, or for these guys,

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– like three. The feedback you’re able to give

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– somebody, it’s two things. It tends to be

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– harsher. Right? So it can be really punchy,

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– it can be a hard thing to hear,

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– but it’s not so much that because anybody

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– can like tear somebody a new one. That’s

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– not really what I’m talking about. It’s when

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– you’re gonna say something like that that can

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– be really hard to hear, you need a

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– lot of context. You need a lot of

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– respect. The person has to really admire you

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– and look up to you. Right? This particular

245
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– as my program, my program is full of

246
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– very ambitious

247
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– successful men who are quite brilliant and many

248
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– of them are one of the best in

249
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– their industry or the best in their field.

250
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– And so, you know, these guys, there’s there’s

251
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– a lot to respect. These guys are amazing

252
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– people in business. They’re amazing fathers. They’re amazing

253
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– community members, but it’s that respect. It’s that

254
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– friendship. And again, that consistency over time that

255
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– allows them to be able to call you

256
00:08:57.860 –> 00:09:00.045
– out in a way that really no nobody

257
00:09:00.045 –> 00:09:01.245
– would be able to call you out. Because

258
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– you’re not gonna hear that from somebody who

259
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– hasn’t spent a year or two or three

260
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– with you. Right? You’re not gonna let somebody

261
00:09:06.445 –> 00:09:08.045
– say that. I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t. Most of

262
00:09:08.045 –> 00:09:09.965
– us don’t. Right? There’s a level of friendship

263
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– and respect and vulnerability that needs to be

264
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– built again over time for them to really

265
00:09:14.370 –> 00:09:15.730
– start saying that. And a a lot of

266
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– times they’re also not gonna say that thing

267
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– that’s really hard to hear because they might

268
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– say, hey, well, you know, I see this

269
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– but at the same time I’ve only known

270
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– the guy for a year. So, you know,

271
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– it doesn’t feel appropriate to tell him that.

272
00:09:27.545 –> 00:09:29.384
– Right? So again, that’s where I would consistent.

273
00:09:29.384 –> 00:09:31.404
– I’d really encourage everybody listening to this.

274
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– Find that peer group that you love, like

275
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– guys that you really connect with. And again,

276
00:09:36.345 –> 00:09:37.865
– try to stick it out. I’m telling you.

277
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– And here’s the thing, most guys won’t do

278
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– this.

279
00:09:40.500 –> 00:09:41.940
– One, for us, we’re guys and we just

280
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– don’t. For whatever reason, we just I don’t

281
00:09:44.019 –> 00:09:45.460
– know. We just feel like we can do

282
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– life alone. I’m not sure why we think

283
00:09:46.980 –> 00:09:48.420
– that. But the other reason that’s hard is,

284
00:09:48.420 –> 00:09:50.259
– yeah, this is recovery. Right? So your mindset’s

285
00:09:50.259 –> 00:09:52.455
– gonna be how little can I do this?

286
00:09:52.535 –> 00:09:54.455
– Right? I don’t wanna do this. But here’s

287
00:09:54.455 –> 00:09:55.894
– where I would really encourage you to change

288
00:09:55.894 –> 00:09:57.095
– your mind on that. And I think every

289
00:09:57.095 –> 00:09:58.934
– guy in the in the group that’s flying

290
00:09:58.934 –> 00:09:59.674
– home today

291
00:09:59.975 –> 00:10:01.115
– would tell you is

292
00:10:01.415 –> 00:10:03.894
– what this has done for them is far

293
00:10:03.894 –> 00:10:05.835
– beyond sex addiction recovery.

294
00:10:06.259 –> 00:10:07.779
– Right? This is I mean I mean, what

295
00:10:07.779 –> 00:10:10.500
– we’re talking about with recovery and self mastery

296
00:10:10.500 –> 00:10:12.899
– is is a total change. Right? Caring about

297
00:10:12.899 –> 00:10:14.500
– things and seeing things that you would have

298
00:10:14.500 –> 00:10:17.379
– never seen. Truly, never ever seen had you

299
00:10:17.379 –> 00:10:19.539
– not been in this experience and not been

300
00:10:19.539 –> 00:10:21.764
– forced to form relationships with

301
00:10:22.165 –> 00:10:24.565
– essentially strangers. Right? And really care for them.

302
00:10:24.565 –> 00:10:25.924
– I mean, these guys care for each other.

303
00:10:25.924 –> 00:10:27.684
– There’s really nothing that these guys wouldn’t do

304
00:10:27.684 –> 00:10:29.924
– for each other, and that’s connection. You guys

305
00:10:29.924 –> 00:10:31.945
– have heard me say this before. Connection’s not

306
00:10:32.245 –> 00:10:34.500
– logging on to a Zoom call and talking

307
00:10:34.500 –> 00:10:37.240
– about recovery stuff for, you know, and sharing

308
00:10:37.300 –> 00:10:39.700
– how you feel. Right? That’s part of how

309
00:10:39.700 –> 00:10:41.620
– connection is built, but connection is is it’s

310
00:10:41.620 –> 00:10:43.300
– a feeling. And then the last thing, and

311
00:10:43.300 –> 00:10:45.300
– this is always hard for the betrayed partner

312
00:10:45.460 –> 00:10:47.745
– partners listening to this to hear, Your recovery

313
00:10:47.745 –> 00:10:49.904
– group has has gotta be fun. You need

314
00:10:49.904 –> 00:10:52.144
– to look forward to coming. I mean these

315
00:10:52.144 –> 00:10:53.845
– guys who just really for all my groups,

316
00:10:54.225 –> 00:10:55.825
– especially this last couple groups who have been

317
00:10:55.825 –> 00:10:57.184
– together for a long time. I mean it’s

318
00:10:57.184 –> 00:10:59.425
– like a reunion with some of their best

319
00:10:59.425 –> 00:11:01.720
– friends. And, again, it’s hard for the betrayed

320
00:11:01.720 –> 00:11:03.559
– partners to hear because, you know, think about

321
00:11:03.559 –> 00:11:05.320
– it. Right? They’re at home, you know, either

322
00:11:05.320 –> 00:11:07.240
– alone or or watching the kids for those

323
00:11:07.240 –> 00:11:09.559
– who have kids, taking care of two kids,

324
00:11:09.559 –> 00:11:12.539
– three kids. Right? And their husband’s gone. And,

325
00:11:12.600 –> 00:11:15.080
– yeah, he he may be having a good

326
00:11:15.080 –> 00:11:15.580
– time.

327
00:11:15.934 –> 00:11:17.695
– Right? And that can be really challenging because

328
00:11:17.695 –> 00:11:19.615
– for betrayed partners, yeah, here you are at

329
00:11:19.615 –> 00:11:22.174
– home dealing with, you know, life, but only

330
00:11:22.174 –> 00:11:25.074
– that, betrayed partners, the hurt that they’re experiencing

331
00:11:25.454 –> 00:11:28.434
– and their recovery process is often 1,000,

332
00:11:28.574 –> 00:11:29.714
– 200 times

333
00:11:30.029 –> 00:11:32.509
– more painful and more difficult than that of

334
00:11:32.509 –> 00:11:35.230
– the compulsive or addictive person. And so, yeah.

335
00:11:35.230 –> 00:11:36.509
– Do you want them to go and have

336
00:11:36.509 –> 00:11:38.029
– fun? Do you want them to be laughing?

337
00:11:38.029 –> 00:11:39.230
– Do you want that do you want this

338
00:11:39.230 –> 00:11:40.829
– to be like one of their their favorite

339
00:11:40.909 –> 00:11:43.125
– these two intensives to be like two of

340
00:11:43.125 –> 00:11:45.285
– the favorite times of their of their year?

341
00:11:45.285 –> 00:11:47.205
– That can be hard. I get that. Here’s

342
00:11:47.205 –> 00:11:48.644
– what I would say back to the portrayed

343
00:11:48.644 –> 00:11:50.404
– partner on this. This is gonna be a

344
00:11:50.404 –> 00:11:53.445
– long road. Anybody listening to this understands this.

345
00:11:53.445 –> 00:11:54.884
– This is a you know, you guys have

346
00:11:54.884 –> 00:11:56.485
– heard the length of this. This is not

347
00:11:56.485 –> 00:11:57.384
– a short thing.

348
00:11:57.720 –> 00:12:00.360
– Right? Recovery is a long process. It just

349
00:12:00.360 –> 00:12:01.799
– is. That’s just how it works. That’s why

350
00:12:01.799 –> 00:12:03.079
– the relapse rate is so high is I

351
00:12:03.079 –> 00:12:05.320
– think guys quit too soon. I think guys

352
00:12:05.320 –> 00:12:07.500
– don’t really realize what’s gonna actually

353
00:12:07.879 –> 00:12:09.639
– be involved to get this out of their

354
00:12:09.639 –> 00:12:10.459
– life permanently,

355
00:12:10.855 –> 00:12:12.294
– And it’s not a short thing at all.

356
00:12:12.294 –> 00:12:13.575
– So if you care about your wife and

357
00:12:13.575 –> 00:12:15.414
– your family, you need to really sign up

358
00:12:15.414 –> 00:12:17.495
– for this and expect this to be long.

359
00:12:17.495 –> 00:12:19.095
– And you’re gonna say to yourself, like all

360
00:12:19.095 –> 00:12:20.375
– guys say, Oh, I’m never gonna do this

361
00:12:20.375 –> 00:12:22.315
– again. Every guy said that. I said that.

362
00:12:22.455 –> 00:12:24.695
– Right? But when I went into treatment, I

363
00:12:24.695 –> 00:12:26.870
– was the only guy there who was there

364
00:12:26.870 –> 00:12:28.410
– on his first discovery.

365
00:12:29.110 –> 00:12:31.289
– Truly, the only guy there. Every other guy

366
00:12:31.350 –> 00:12:33.910
– at treatment with me was there for their

367
00:12:33.910 –> 00:12:36.789
– second discovery. Right? Their relapse. And again, these

368
00:12:36.789 –> 00:12:38.169
– ladies will give you guys

369
00:12:38.470 –> 00:12:40.470
– a second chance. But asking for a third

370
00:12:40.470 –> 00:12:41.529
– chance, that is

371
00:12:41.884 –> 00:12:43.004
– You don’t wanna do that. I don’t know

372
00:12:43.004 –> 00:12:44.605
– if the mayor can handle that. So I

373
00:12:44.605 –> 00:12:46.125
– say that because you’re gonna say, oh, I’ll

374
00:12:46.125 –> 00:12:47.644
– never do this again. And it’s really It’s

375
00:12:47.644 –> 00:12:49.565
– it’s quite easy for many people to be

376
00:12:49.565 –> 00:12:52.284
– sober for eight months, a year, whatever. But

377
00:12:52.284 –> 00:12:54.044
– it’s the it’s the long term thing, and

378
00:12:54.044 –> 00:12:56.309
– we see the statistics are not good. Right?

379
00:12:56.309 –> 00:12:58.149
– The seventy percent of men are having a

380
00:12:58.149 –> 00:12:59.210
– significant relapse

381
00:12:59.670 –> 00:13:02.250
– year five or sooner. So how’s that avoided

382
00:13:02.309 –> 00:13:03.990
– doing this? So again, I say all that

383
00:13:03.990 –> 00:13:04.649
– to say,

384
00:13:05.269 –> 00:13:07.990
– if they’re enjoying recovery, if recovery is an

385
00:13:07.990 –> 00:13:08.490
– introspective

386
00:13:08.950 –> 00:13:10.250
– enjoyable process,

387
00:13:11.424 –> 00:13:13.664
– then they are more likely to want to

388
00:13:13.664 –> 00:13:15.345
– stick at it and not just stick at

389
00:13:15.345 –> 00:13:16.704
– it just for the sake of sticking at

390
00:13:16.704 –> 00:13:17.924
– it. I mean, enthusiastically

391
00:13:18.625 –> 00:13:20.544
– sticking at it, uncovering, you know, I always

392
00:13:20.544 –> 00:13:22.644
– say, you know, to turn over every stone.

393
00:13:22.784 –> 00:13:24.970
– Right? Alright. Hey, what’s under this stone? Cool.

394
00:13:24.970 –> 00:13:26.410
– Am I good there? Am I healthy there?

395
00:13:26.410 –> 00:13:28.410
– Alright. Let’s check my relationship with money. How’s

396
00:13:28.410 –> 00:13:30.330
– that one looking? Okay. Let’s look at my

397
00:13:30.330 –> 00:13:32.269
– relationship with my body and my appearance.

398
00:13:32.649 –> 00:13:34.090
– Okay. How much you know, am I a

399
00:13:34.090 –> 00:13:36.570
– people pleaser? Am I like, no stone left

400
00:13:36.570 –> 00:13:37.470
– on left unturned.

401
00:13:37.774 –> 00:13:38.815
– And you know, yeah, there’s a lot of

402
00:13:38.815 –> 00:13:40.414
– stones that we flip over and there’s nothing

403
00:13:40.414 –> 00:13:41.774
– there for that person. But I can’t tell

404
00:13:41.774 –> 00:13:43.294
– you how many times guys have come to

405
00:13:43.294 –> 00:13:45.455
– an intensive and it’s on day three where

406
00:13:45.455 –> 00:13:47.855
– they’re like, holy crap, like this is actually

407
00:13:47.855 –> 00:13:49.535
– a massive you know, I I have issues

408
00:13:49.535 –> 00:13:50.195
– with control.

409
00:13:50.639 –> 00:13:53.440
– I have issues with secretly manipulating life to

410
00:13:53.440 –> 00:13:55.200
– get my way. And they never really thought

411
00:13:55.200 –> 00:13:56.879
– about it that way and through the context

412
00:13:56.879 –> 00:13:58.720
– especially doing it as a group, they start

413
00:13:58.720 –> 00:14:00.559
– to realize man, I have I have some

414
00:14:00.559 –> 00:14:02.639
– more stuff here. Right? And so when they

415
00:14:02.639 –> 00:14:05.904
– shift away from just stopping their unwanted sexual

416
00:14:05.904 –> 00:14:08.065
– compulsivity and this starts to become a way

417
00:14:08.065 –> 00:14:09.825
– of just being a better human being and

418
00:14:09.825 –> 00:14:11.424
– a better man, a better father, a better

419
00:14:11.424 –> 00:14:13.504
– husband, they start to see the benefits across

420
00:14:13.504 –> 00:14:15.504
– this on all fronts and just in life

421
00:14:15.504 –> 00:14:17.929
– in general. And and I think if recovery

422
00:14:17.929 –> 00:14:19.450
– is not fun and you’re not and you

423
00:14:19.450 –> 00:14:21.850
– don’t really enjoy the guys that you’re recovering

424
00:14:21.850 –> 00:14:24.009
– with, I do think the the danger there

425
00:14:24.009 –> 00:14:26.570
– is that they’re going to want to quit

426
00:14:26.570 –> 00:14:28.410
– recovery and say, ah, you know, I’m recovered.

427
00:14:28.410 –> 00:14:30.554
– I haven’t relapsed, etcetera. And so I I

428
00:14:30.554 –> 00:14:32.075
– think I’m good to go. And that’s a

429
00:14:32.075 –> 00:14:34.875
– bummer because I do think that it’s being

430
00:14:34.875 –> 00:14:36.955
– in a group of men that you enjoy

431
00:14:36.955 –> 00:14:39.514
– with going to two intensives, three I always

432
00:14:39.514 –> 00:14:41.835
– encourage guys to go to three together, four

433
00:14:41.835 –> 00:14:44.235
– intensives together, five intensives together. When you’re hanging

434
00:14:44.235 –> 00:14:45.809
– out and these guys really become your best

435
00:14:45.889 –> 00:14:48.309
– friends, and you are and you’re having conversations

436
00:14:48.370 –> 00:14:50.929
– you’ve never had with other men, sharing things

437
00:14:50.929 –> 00:14:53.090
– and learning things that you never even dreamed

438
00:14:53.090 –> 00:14:55.490
– you would talk about or learn with other

439
00:14:55.490 –> 00:14:57.730
– men. I don’t think men understand what can

440
00:14:57.730 –> 00:14:59.330
– come from that, and I wish more men

441
00:14:59.330 –> 00:15:01.965
– would. And then unfortunately, you don’t know what’s

442
00:15:01.965 –> 00:15:04.605
– to come until you are with those men

443
00:15:04.605 –> 00:15:05.105
– consistently

444
00:15:05.485 –> 00:15:05.985
– for,

445
00:15:06.365 –> 00:15:08.045
– yeah, at least a year, if not two

446
00:15:08.045 –> 00:15:09.644
– or three. You just don’t know. And I

447
00:15:09.644 –> 00:15:11.325
– can never I could never put it into

448
00:15:11.325 –> 00:15:12.764
– words. I could just never put it into

449
00:15:12.764 –> 00:15:14.250
– words. But here’s what I would tell you.

450
00:15:14.409 –> 00:15:16.970
– Get together in person with these guys. Try

451
00:15:16.970 –> 00:15:18.730
– to go I would prefer that you guys

452
00:15:18.730 –> 00:15:21.210
– do it somewhere that’s not your home. Right?

453
00:15:21.210 –> 00:15:23.049
– Find a place in nature where you guys

454
00:15:23.049 –> 00:15:25.529
– can really just unplug from life and and

455
00:15:25.529 –> 00:15:27.610
– really take some serious time to look at

456
00:15:27.610 –> 00:15:29.710
– yourself and dedicate that to recovery.

457
00:15:30.195 –> 00:15:32.434
– Your wife deserves it. Right? Your kids deserve

458
00:15:32.434 –> 00:15:35.154
– it. You deserve it. So again, find that

459
00:15:35.154 –> 00:15:37.554
– peer group where this starts to become a

460
00:15:37.554 –> 00:15:39.795
– journey to just be the best you you

461
00:15:39.795 –> 00:15:41.875
– can be and compromise on no fronts of

462
00:15:41.875 –> 00:15:43.740
– life. Because to me, here’s what here’s what

463
00:15:43.740 –> 00:15:46.059
– I always say. Right? The healthiest men who

464
00:15:46.059 –> 00:15:48.480
– are inspired truly and on fire inside.

465
00:15:48.860 –> 00:15:50.720
– Right? Those men make great decisions.

466
00:15:51.419 –> 00:15:54.240
– Right? Those men have the capacity to put

467
00:15:54.644 –> 00:15:57.605
– people around them first. Right? To really start

468
00:15:57.605 –> 00:16:00.904
– considering others because their own cup is overflowing.

469
00:16:01.285 –> 00:16:03.125
– Right? That’s really to me what recovery is

470
00:16:03.125 –> 00:16:04.485
– about. And I don’t think you can do

471
00:16:04.485 –> 00:16:06.904
– that without a really strong

472
00:16:07.389 –> 00:16:09.149
– peer group of men that you really feel

473
00:16:09.149 –> 00:16:11.309
– connected to, like minded people who you enjoy

474
00:16:11.309 –> 00:16:12.750
– spending time around. I don’t think you can

475
00:16:12.750 –> 00:16:13.789
– do that. I don’t think it can be

476
00:16:13.789 –> 00:16:15.549
– done in a short period of time. That

477
00:16:15.549 –> 00:16:17.309
– is probably the lesson I learned from this

478
00:16:17.309 –> 00:16:18.209
– round of intensives

479
00:16:18.589 –> 00:16:20.509
– is for whatever reason, the groups that I

480
00:16:20.509 –> 00:16:22.190
– have right now have been together for a

481
00:16:22.190 –> 00:16:24.465
– really really long time. And I don’t think

482
00:16:24.465 –> 00:16:26.705
– it’s a mystery as to why this round

483
00:16:26.705 –> 00:16:28.245
– of intenses was so

484
00:16:28.625 –> 00:16:30.545
– powerful for me to watch and for all

485
00:16:30.545 –> 00:16:31.605
– the men who are here.

486
00:16:32.705 –> 00:16:34.865
– Thanks for listening to this episode. If you

487
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– are a high achiever of the sex addiction

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– and you’re looking for a recovery group full

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– of like minded men, visit successfuladdict.com.

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– We provide men with a recovery mastermind group

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– using four day retreats,

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– weekly group calls, and daily accountability check ins.

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– If you wanna achieve long term sobriety and

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– save your marriage, go to our website and

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– fill out our application.

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– If you enjoyed this episode, please pass it

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– along to a friend in recovery who would

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– benefit from listening. It is my mission to

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– get this information out to as many high

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– achievers as possible, and I can’t do it

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– without your help.