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When was the last time you heard somebody

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say, I can't wait to stop going to

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the gym.

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I can't wait to stop eating healthy.

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I can't wait to stop brushing my teeth.

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You never hear someone say these things. Why?

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Because they're good for us.

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They're just good things to do so we

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do them.

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But the irony is a lot of guys

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in recovery wanna stop doing recovery.

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You are listening to the sex addiction podcast

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for high achievers, business professionals, executives, and entrepreneurs.

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This podcast is designed to apply sobriety and

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recovery principles

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specifically to the mindset of the high achiever.

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I'm your host, Roland Cochran, founder of The

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Successful Addict, a recovery group for high achieving

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men struggling with sex and porn addiction. For

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more information about joining our group or attending

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our next retreat, visit successfuladdict.com.

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And now, enjoy the rest of the episode.

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Like, when do I have to stop going

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to these groups and these meetings? When do

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I have to stop going to therapy? When

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do I have to, you know, they wanna

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stop and and and it's interesting to me.

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I I don't get it.

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To me, I think a lot of people

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who wanna

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stop doing recovery

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are are doing recovery wrong.

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I really do believe that. I think they're

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so focused on the sexual stuff. They're always

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talking about the sexual stuff in therapy. Their

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groups are always talking about sexual stuff. It's

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it's all like sex porn. Let's not do

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I mean, how how much can you actually

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talk about not doing it? I mean, there's

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only so much to talk about.

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I think the where the focus when I

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see people who really enjoy

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recovery and love it,

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the focus becomes on honesty,

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integrity,

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you know, focusing on connecting with other people,

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trusting

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others, your outlook of of what life's all

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about,

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right, and how to spend our time. Right?

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It's all of these precursors that we really

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need to get right, not the the stuff

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at the very end. Right? I think I

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think

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too often we focus,

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on the trauma, the emotional dysregulation, and then

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the sexual acting out. And I think, yes,

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those things need to be discussed and understood.

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But I mean, true recovery happens way upstream

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when you're just getting right with yourself. You're

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living this

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purpose filled intentional life.

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Right? And and that's best done by focusing

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on living a purpose filled intentional life. Right?

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And there's precursors involved in that too. Right?

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You need to learn, you know, do you,

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you know, is your form of connection do

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you think that you need to constantly impress

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other people? Right? Do you feel like you

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need to charm them, please them? Do you

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feel like the most, you know, people like

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successful people, so now you're constantly prioritizing success

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may over other areas of your life. Maybe

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you think people,

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value your appearance. Right? So you're,

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buying clothes or spending tons of time at

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the gym or whatever it is. But, you

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know, it's it's all those things where you

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start to become we start to become focused

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on things

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and thoughts and processes rather than just being

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present in the moment, being present with ourselves,

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being present with other people, and and ignoring

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all these silly things about, you know, these

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man made concepts of money and appearance and

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fashion clothes and all this nonsense. Right?

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It it's it's it's this it's this way

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that humanity has gone.

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Right? And I I think I think sometimes

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we get so focused on being a sex

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addict and having an intimacy disorder that,

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you know, we just get stuck in the

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weeds of all this when in reality,

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you know, life's life's not being lived the

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right way.

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Right? We're not we're not super we don't

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we don't go into a room of of

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strangers and feel connected. We usually are nervous.

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We're scared.

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Why? You shouldn't be scared. It's a bunch

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of people. What are they gonna do to

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you? Right? But it's a lot of these

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things that just humans don't

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we we we've just gone astray.

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And a lot and some of these beliefs

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lead to compulsive sexual behaviors. They lead to

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affairs. They lead to, you know, using women

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to to validate us. It leads to,

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you know, pursuing,

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money and the success and excellence

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and and pursuing it to the point where

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you prioritize it over your marriage,

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right, over your own integrity.

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Right? So it's these issues that need to

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be addressed. And so to me,

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why would we ever say when do I

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have to stop doing recovery work? I mean,

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shoot. I to me, it's more important than

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anything else.

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Honesty, integrity,

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intentional living,

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feeling proud of yourself, being excited about tomorrow.

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I mean, these are these are core elements

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of living a good life. And I'll tell

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you right now, when you're in a healthy

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place like that, you don't violate your integrity.

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You don't use women for self gain.

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Right? You you're not scared of people. You're

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not competing with others. You're not sizing everybody

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up. Right? All these weird things that humans

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do. When you're in a healthy place, we

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don't do those things.

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We don't do those things. And it's it's

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all of that unhealthiness

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that makes us less present. It makes us

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scared. It makes us desperate.

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It makes us,

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it makes us panic and we start start

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thinking not clearly and then that leads to

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all of the emotional dysregulation and then that's

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where all of the acting out happens. But

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to me, there's a lot of stuff that

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you need to get right here. So to

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me,

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I mean, if if you're if you're thinking

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about stopping recovery,

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why would you do that? I mean, why

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wouldn't you wanna be the best you could

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be?

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Why wouldn't you want

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to see how connected you could feel? Why

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wouldn't you want to see

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how ruthlessly honest and integrity driven you could

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be? Right? Like, why would you wanna live

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your full up to your fullest potential and

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live and live and enjoy

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all of the aspects of life more because

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that's what recovery is gonna do. That's what

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senior therapist is gonna do. So to me,

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I I again, I just I don't think

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that you should ever scale it back. Now

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will you shift your attention away

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from, more of a sex eviction approach and

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start going more towards just like, you know,

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men's groups, spiritual retreats,

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right? Spiritual journeys.

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You know, you start seeing different types of

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therapists, somatic experiencing therapists and start and start

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dabbling with other yes, absolutely.

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But to me, that's all recovery. And in

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my opinion, that should stay in your life

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forever. You should not be looking forward to

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the day where you get to stop. If

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if anything, you should be planning years and

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years out. Okay. I'm gonna keep trying to

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improve all of these personality flaws that I

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have. I'm gonna hunt for all of my

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blind spots to make sure that I'm living

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the most integrity driven, fullest, purpose filled, intentional

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life I can. Right? Leaving the most powerful

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legacy that I can behind me. And all

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of that comes from again, whether you wanna

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call it recovery work, I don't I don't

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usually call it recovery work. I call it

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self mastery. I call it self mastery because

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recovery, I think, comes with this kind of

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stigma of there being some sort of end,

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a finish line. Whereas self mastery, I mean,

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who's ever met completely 100%

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master itself? Nobody. So it's this really fun,

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kind of kind of endless game to play.

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And the cool thing is your family benefits,

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your marriage benefits, and you benefit.

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Thanks for listening to this episode. If you

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are a high achiever of the sex addiction

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and you're looking for a recovery group full

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of like minded men, visit successfuladdict.com.

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We provide men with a recovery mastermind group

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using four day retreats,

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weekly group calls, and daily accountability check ins.

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If you wanna achieve long term sobriety and

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save your marriage, go to our website and

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fill out our application. If you enjoyed this

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episode, please pass it along to a friend

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in recovery who would benefit from listening. It

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is my mission to get this information out

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to as many high achievers

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as possible, and I can't do it without

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your help.