It’s unfortunate… But your wife, family, and faith alone are not enough to stop your sex addiction. If they were, you wouldn’t be listening to this podcast.
The men in my groups who are the fastest to recover have tapped into something more. Something that energizes them and keeps them leaning into recovery.
Recovering from sex addiction is not a short road. You need to make sure that your recovery plan can go the distance.
It’s easy for men to lean in for the first year. But many guys eventually get burned out.
You need to prevent this! Burnout will certainly put you at risk of relapse and will not make your wife feel safe in the relationship.
In this episode, I talk about how men have tapped into something that keeps them excited about their recovery.
If you have not yet read/listened to my book, I talk about this concept in great detail. You can find my book here on Amazon: https://a.co/d/dzD9LKt
The book is titled: “The High Achiever’s Guide to Sex Addiction Recovery: A Proven Blueprint for Successful Professionals to Overcome Sex and Porn Addiction.”
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
FULL TRANSCRIPT
1 00:00:00,640 --> 00:00:02,560 There's one thing that the men in my 2 00:00:02,560 --> 00:00:04,900 program who not only recover the fastest, 3 00:00:05,359 --> 00:00:06,899 but also maintain 4 00:00:07,279 --> 00:00:08,580 long term sobriety. 5 00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:10,900 It's one thing that all these men have. 6 00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:14,500 You are listening to the sex addiction podcast 7 00:00:14,559 --> 00:00:17,815 for high achievers, business professionals, executives, and entrepreneurs. 8 00:00:18,195 --> 00:00:20,755 This podcast is designed to apply sobriety and 9 00:00:20,755 --> 00:00:24,035 recovery principles specifically to the mindset of the 10 00:00:24,035 --> 00:00:27,074 high achiever. I'm your host, Roland Cochran, founder 11 00:00:27,074 --> 00:00:29,234 of The Successful Addict, a recovery group for 12 00:00:29,234 --> 00:00:31,550 high achieving men struggling with sex and porn 13 00:00:31,550 --> 00:00:34,030 addiction. For more information about joining our group 14 00:00:34,030 --> 00:00:36,929 or attending our next retreat, visit successful addict 15 00:00:36,989 --> 00:00:39,229 dot com. And now, enjoy the rest of 16 00:00:39,229 --> 00:00:39,809 the episode. 17 00:00:41,629 --> 00:00:42,609 It's a reason 18 00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:44,325 to recover. 19 00:00:44,704 --> 00:00:46,545 And it's gotta be bigger than your wife, 20 00:00:46,545 --> 00:00:49,104 your kids, your your religious beliefs. Right? You 21 00:00:49,104 --> 00:00:50,945 had all those things back when you were 22 00:00:50,945 --> 00:00:52,085 making all these decisions. 23 00:00:52,465 --> 00:00:54,144 So it was clearly not enough to make 24 00:00:54,144 --> 00:00:56,784 you stop. So you gotta tap into something 25 00:00:56,784 --> 00:00:57,840 that truly matters 26 00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:00,399 to you, something that fires you up. So 27 00:01:00,399 --> 00:01:02,320 so the best way to kind of find 28 00:01:02,320 --> 00:01:03,939 this is, you know, in the beginning, 29 00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:06,640 dive into recovery, dive in with both feet, 30 00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:08,500 buy all the books, buy all the workbooks. 31 00:01:08,879 --> 00:01:10,479 Right? Fill them out. Go to all the 32 00:01:10,479 --> 00:01:12,314 groups. Go to all the intensives. Right? Fill 33 00:01:12,314 --> 00:01:14,314 your head with all of the information that's 34 00:01:14,314 --> 00:01:14,974 out there. 35 00:01:15,515 --> 00:01:17,674 One day, you're gonna see something that really 36 00:01:17,674 --> 00:01:19,354 strikes a chord in you. It just really, 37 00:01:19,354 --> 00:01:21,354 really bothers you. Right? I'm gonna give you 38 00:01:21,354 --> 00:01:23,274 some examples here in a second, but but 39 00:01:23,274 --> 00:01:25,134 you've gotta tap into something 40 00:01:25,619 --> 00:01:27,700 that makes you want to recover. And I'm 41 00:01:27,700 --> 00:01:29,939 talking about something bigger than yourself, something that 42 00:01:29,939 --> 00:01:31,239 that really, really matters. 43 00:01:31,619 --> 00:01:33,780 Right? Matters to you, matters to something in 44 00:01:33,780 --> 00:01:35,700 in the big picture. So I'm I'm gonna 45 00:01:35,700 --> 00:01:37,795 talk about, you know, my why, the thing 46 00:01:37,795 --> 00:01:39,575 that really started to fire me up. 47 00:01:39,875 --> 00:01:41,155 But then I'll talk about a couple of 48 00:01:41,155 --> 00:01:42,515 the other ones that that these guys have 49 00:01:42,515 --> 00:01:44,834 had in in the groups. Right? So for 50 00:01:44,834 --> 00:01:46,594 me, the the the big core one for 51 00:01:46,594 --> 00:01:47,334 me was, 52 00:01:47,875 --> 00:01:50,194 changing my my belief system. I didn't want 53 00:01:50,194 --> 00:01:52,594 a single belief in my head that I 54 00:01:52,594 --> 00:01:53,370 didn't put there. 55 00:01:54,250 --> 00:01:56,329 I did not want to believe one thing 56 00:01:56,329 --> 00:01:58,490 that I saw on television, that I learned 57 00:01:58,490 --> 00:01:59,790 from a a a friend, 58 00:02:00,329 --> 00:02:02,329 you know, some somebody that influenced me to 59 00:02:02,329 --> 00:02:03,469 to believe something. 60 00:02:04,090 --> 00:02:05,930 And now I'm believing it and it's affecting 61 00:02:05,930 --> 00:02:07,930 my life. It's affecting my actions, my choices. 62 00:02:07,930 --> 00:02:09,014 I'm not okay with that. 63 00:02:09,735 --> 00:02:11,414 Right? If I act on something, I want 64 00:02:11,414 --> 00:02:13,814 it to be be because I wanted to 65 00:02:13,814 --> 00:02:15,574 act on it. Right? I don't want it 66 00:02:15,574 --> 00:02:17,414 to be because something was put into my 67 00:02:17,414 --> 00:02:18,854 head. And so when it comes to, you 68 00:02:18,854 --> 00:02:21,094 know, compulsive sexual behavior, right, there's a ton 69 00:02:21,094 --> 00:02:23,129 of beliefs that were put into my head 70 00:02:23,210 --> 00:02:24,810 that I didn't wanna put that I don't 71 00:02:24,810 --> 00:02:26,969 want there. I didn't put them there. Right? 72 00:02:26,969 --> 00:02:28,510 Not not not at least consciously. 73 00:02:28,889 --> 00:02:31,210 Right? So, you know, the the value of 74 00:02:31,210 --> 00:02:32,349 of women's attention. 75 00:02:32,889 --> 00:02:34,730 Right? I didn't put that in my brain. 76 00:02:34,730 --> 00:02:36,830 Somebody put that into my brain. Right? Marketers, 77 00:02:37,050 --> 00:02:37,550 TV. 78 00:02:38,384 --> 00:02:40,384 Right, kids at school. Right? 79 00:02:40,705 --> 00:02:43,284 They convinced me, these people convinced me that 80 00:02:43,504 --> 00:02:44,884 winning women's attention 81 00:02:45,264 --> 00:02:46,004 was valuable. 82 00:02:46,705 --> 00:02:47,985 So now I have to go back and 83 00:02:47,985 --> 00:02:50,064 decide, do I want that valuable? Anyways, there 84 00:02:50,064 --> 00:02:51,664 there, you know, hundreds and hundreds of these 85 00:02:51,664 --> 00:02:54,770 beliefs that I developed that led me to, 86 00:02:55,169 --> 00:02:57,729 act, against my morals and my values. Right? 87 00:02:57,729 --> 00:02:59,330 And I'm okay with that. If I didn't 88 00:02:59,330 --> 00:03:01,030 put them in my brain by choice, 89 00:03:01,650 --> 00:03:02,849 then I don't want them in there. Right? 90 00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:04,050 And so that's kind of the thing that 91 00:03:04,050 --> 00:03:05,569 fires me up. It's the thing that keeps 92 00:03:05,569 --> 00:03:06,469 me being introspective 93 00:03:07,185 --> 00:03:08,564 and complete and and constantly, 94 00:03:09,105 --> 00:03:11,745 you know, policing and analyzing my thoughts and 95 00:03:11,745 --> 00:03:14,004 my brain and my and my thinking patterns 96 00:03:14,145 --> 00:03:16,545 for accuracy. Right? That fires me up. The 97 00:03:16,545 --> 00:03:18,385 second thing that fires me up is the 98 00:03:18,545 --> 00:03:19,365 just the unsustainability 99 00:03:19,825 --> 00:03:21,685 of this of this practice in general. 100 00:03:21,990 --> 00:03:22,810 I mean, pornography 101 00:03:23,110 --> 00:03:23,189 use, 102 00:03:25,030 --> 00:03:27,750 it's not okay. It's it's not okay for 103 00:03:27,750 --> 00:03:29,909 these these women to be doing. You know, 104 00:03:29,909 --> 00:03:30,490 to me, 105 00:03:30,949 --> 00:03:33,610 exchanging money is not consent. That's not okay. 106 00:03:34,405 --> 00:03:35,844 You know, to to me looking at their 107 00:03:35,844 --> 00:03:37,925 bodies for self gain and and and turning 108 00:03:37,925 --> 00:03:40,405 them effectively into objects, that does not create 109 00:03:40,405 --> 00:03:42,405 a safe world for my daughter to grow 110 00:03:42,405 --> 00:03:43,064 up in. 111 00:03:43,365 --> 00:03:45,525 Right? I don't want my daughter, marrying a 112 00:03:45,525 --> 00:03:47,925 man, dating a man, going to school and 113 00:03:47,925 --> 00:03:48,825 having a teacher 114 00:03:49,689 --> 00:03:52,650 who has a long habit of objectifying women, 115 00:03:52,650 --> 00:03:54,889 looking at pornography and masturbating. That doesn't I 116 00:03:54,889 --> 00:03:55,870 don't feel safe 117 00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:58,009 having my daughter be in that teacher's class. 118 00:03:58,009 --> 00:04:00,090 I don't feel safe having my daughter, be 119 00:04:00,090 --> 00:04:02,250 around these young men or dating these young 120 00:04:02,250 --> 00:04:04,314 men. Right? That's not that's not a that's 121 00:04:04,314 --> 00:04:06,555 not a healthy, safe, respectful environment for her 122 00:04:06,555 --> 00:04:08,155 to grow up in. So if I don't 123 00:04:08,155 --> 00:04:10,814 want that for my daughter, I can't participate. 124 00:04:11,754 --> 00:04:14,235 Right? Because all these other women, they're other 125 00:04:14,235 --> 00:04:15,215 men's daughters. 126 00:04:15,849 --> 00:04:17,370 Right? And so why no one can do 127 00:04:17,370 --> 00:04:18,569 it no one can do it with my 128 00:04:18,569 --> 00:04:20,350 daughter, but I can do it to theirs. 129 00:04:20,410 --> 00:04:22,170 Right? That that that doesn't make sense. Right? 130 00:04:22,170 --> 00:04:23,930 So those are two things that really that 131 00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:26,089 really fire me up. Right? Creating a a 132 00:04:26,089 --> 00:04:28,490 a safer, healthier place for for these young 133 00:04:28,490 --> 00:04:29,470 men and young women, 134 00:04:29,850 --> 00:04:30,350 and, 135 00:04:30,685 --> 00:04:32,285 you know, putting an end to and and 136 00:04:32,285 --> 00:04:34,444 kind of, you know, not normalizing and not 137 00:04:34,444 --> 00:04:37,805 participating in the adult film, entertainment adult entertainment 138 00:04:37,805 --> 00:04:39,985 industry. But then also, you know, really, 139 00:04:40,604 --> 00:04:42,285 I I I I truly I I get 140 00:04:42,285 --> 00:04:45,004 really excited about policing my thoughts, the things 141 00:04:45,004 --> 00:04:46,500 that I believe. I don't I don't wanna 142 00:04:46,500 --> 00:04:48,660 believe anything that I didn't choose to put 143 00:04:48,660 --> 00:04:50,660 into my head, and I certainly don't want 144 00:04:50,660 --> 00:04:52,180 my actions to be affected by that. So 145 00:04:52,180 --> 00:04:54,180 that's my why. Those things really fire me 146 00:04:54,180 --> 00:04:56,019 up. That's why, you know, I've stayed in 147 00:04:56,019 --> 00:04:58,180 recovery year over year over year, and and 148 00:04:58,180 --> 00:04:59,714 and it excites me. Right? You guys have 149 00:04:59,714 --> 00:05:01,235 heard. I don't like to call it recovery. 150 00:05:01,235 --> 00:05:03,235 I like to call it self mastery. Right? 151 00:05:03,235 --> 00:05:05,394 Recovery kind of implies that there's some sort 152 00:05:05,394 --> 00:05:07,634 of, like, finish line. Right? Whereas self mastery, 153 00:05:07,634 --> 00:05:09,074 it's it's a never ending game that I'm 154 00:05:09,074 --> 00:05:10,995 playing. I'm constantly making sure that the things 155 00:05:10,995 --> 00:05:13,314 that I I think are true, and they're 156 00:05:13,314 --> 00:05:15,240 serving me, and they're not harming myself or 157 00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:17,560 others. Right? So, what are some other things 158 00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:19,479 that that I've had guys get really fired 159 00:05:19,479 --> 00:05:21,800 up? So, I've had other guys get really 160 00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:22,860 fired up about, 161 00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:25,979 the, the the objectification 162 00:05:26,279 --> 00:05:26,860 of women, 163 00:05:27,444 --> 00:05:28,004 and how, 164 00:05:28,404 --> 00:05:30,805 how kind of, like, outdated and medieval that 165 00:05:30,805 --> 00:05:32,345 is, you know, just to 166 00:05:32,645 --> 00:05:34,004 to to you know, here we are in 167 00:05:34,004 --> 00:05:34,965 2025, 168 00:05:34,965 --> 00:05:35,465 and, 169 00:05:36,004 --> 00:05:39,125 we're still, you know, using women to sell 170 00:05:39,125 --> 00:05:40,345 things, using their body 171 00:05:40,645 --> 00:05:41,910 to as a as a 172 00:05:42,870 --> 00:05:44,089 tool in the media, 173 00:05:44,550 --> 00:05:46,649 of something to to covet and look at. 174 00:05:46,949 --> 00:05:47,990 You know, a lot of my you know, 175 00:05:47,990 --> 00:05:49,750 and and and that driving, you know, plastic 176 00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:50,250 surgery, 177 00:05:50,870 --> 00:05:53,589 the plastic surgery is up, you know, sky 178 00:05:53,589 --> 00:05:55,769 high numbers just in the last couple years. 179 00:05:55,845 --> 00:05:57,045 Right? And so there's a lot of guys 180 00:05:57,045 --> 00:05:58,105 that just don't like, 181 00:05:58,725 --> 00:06:00,485 the effects that this is having on on 182 00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:02,245 women. You know, and a lot of it 183 00:06:02,245 --> 00:06:03,845 is is, you know, we're to blame for 184 00:06:03,845 --> 00:06:05,764 that. You know, if we stopped, would these 185 00:06:05,764 --> 00:06:07,365 women stop? Right? So a lot of guys 186 00:06:07,365 --> 00:06:08,805 are are fired up about, you know, kinda 187 00:06:08,805 --> 00:06:10,959 putting an end to the the pressure that 188 00:06:10,959 --> 00:06:12,819 these women feel to constantly 189 00:06:13,199 --> 00:06:14,740 look, you know, younger, 190 00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:16,740 better, more fit. Right? 191 00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:20,079 Yeah. So so these are, so those are 192 00:06:20,079 --> 00:06:21,759 some the other ones that I have guys 193 00:06:21,759 --> 00:06:23,884 think about is, you know, guys get really 194 00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:24,705 tapped into, 195 00:06:25,404 --> 00:06:27,485 you know, the long term effect of what 196 00:06:27,485 --> 00:06:29,665 this is going to do to our youth. 197 00:06:29,964 --> 00:06:32,125 Right? You know, especially with the inventions that 198 00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:34,125 are coming out now and the advancements with 199 00:06:34,125 --> 00:06:34,625 AI. 200 00:06:35,085 --> 00:06:36,925 You know, pornography is about to take a 201 00:06:36,925 --> 00:06:37,410 really 202 00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:39,490 stimulating turn. And so there's a lot of 203 00:06:39,490 --> 00:06:41,170 guys that are, you know, wanting to get 204 00:06:41,170 --> 00:06:42,610 ahead of this because we know if we 205 00:06:42,610 --> 00:06:44,790 can keep these young men from becoming addicted, 206 00:06:45,009 --> 00:06:46,529 we can prevent so much, 207 00:06:46,850 --> 00:06:48,769 hardship. You know, not just pain that these 208 00:06:48,769 --> 00:06:50,870 men are dealing with, but, the ramifications 209 00:06:51,250 --> 00:06:51,750 that, 210 00:06:52,064 --> 00:06:53,504 that the families are gonna deal with. Right? 211 00:06:53,504 --> 00:06:54,404 With the infidelity, 212 00:06:55,345 --> 00:06:56,324 erectile dysfunction. 213 00:06:56,785 --> 00:06:58,625 Right? You know, there's all the all these 214 00:06:58,625 --> 00:07:00,384 all these things that are gonna affect our 215 00:07:00,384 --> 00:07:02,225 our youth, which then in turn are gonna, 216 00:07:02,545 --> 00:07:04,705 affect their future families and their future kids. 217 00:07:04,705 --> 00:07:06,889 Right? So the the point is you've gotta 218 00:07:06,889 --> 00:07:09,069 tap into something that matters to you. 219 00:07:09,689 --> 00:07:12,009 You've got to because it's interesting. Right? The 220 00:07:12,009 --> 00:07:12,509 the 221 00:07:12,889 --> 00:07:14,829 the way that that that we think, 222 00:07:15,529 --> 00:07:17,850 for whatever reason, you know, our own health 223 00:07:17,850 --> 00:07:19,745 isn't enough. Right? We kind of, you know, 224 00:07:19,745 --> 00:07:21,504 we have this tendency of of looking past 225 00:07:21,504 --> 00:07:22,004 that. 226 00:07:22,544 --> 00:07:25,024 Again, wife, kids, God, your religion. Right? You 227 00:07:25,024 --> 00:07:26,704 think that these things would be enough, but 228 00:07:26,704 --> 00:07:29,904 again, these men had wives, they had families, 229 00:07:29,904 --> 00:07:31,584 they had their religious beliefs, and they were 230 00:07:31,584 --> 00:07:33,490 still acting out. And so it's interesting when 231 00:07:33,490 --> 00:07:35,569 you look at human psychology, for whatever reason, 232 00:07:35,569 --> 00:07:38,850 these really beautiful important things don't matter to 233 00:07:38,850 --> 00:07:41,009 us. Right? So I would encourage, you know, 234 00:07:41,250 --> 00:07:42,850 I would encourage all of you guys, especially 235 00:07:42,850 --> 00:07:44,610 the guys who are, you know, in long 236 00:07:44,610 --> 00:07:46,050 term recovery. I mean, if if you've been 237 00:07:46,050 --> 00:07:47,829 in recovery for over a year, 238 00:07:48,574 --> 00:07:50,014 this is a long road, and I I 239 00:07:50,014 --> 00:07:53,154 would encourage every single man, listening to this, 240 00:07:53,375 --> 00:07:55,535 tap into something that matters to you. Get 241 00:07:55,535 --> 00:07:57,214 fired up about this. I just 242 00:07:57,855 --> 00:07:59,774 to me, it's really hard to stay in 243 00:07:59,774 --> 00:08:00,675 great recovery 244 00:08:01,529 --> 00:08:02,970 if it's starting to get boring, if it's 245 00:08:02,970 --> 00:08:04,409 starting to get old, if if you're if 246 00:08:04,409 --> 00:08:07,129 you're dreading it. Right? So so, again, kinda 247 00:08:07,129 --> 00:08:08,169 coming back to what I said in the 248 00:08:08,169 --> 00:08:10,569 beginning, dive into recovery with both feet, educate 249 00:08:10,569 --> 00:08:12,810 yourself about all of these things, the effects 250 00:08:12,810 --> 00:08:14,569 that this is having on you, the effects 251 00:08:14,569 --> 00:08:16,430 this is having on your wife, your family, 252 00:08:16,595 --> 00:08:18,194 the effects this is having on the world, 253 00:08:18,194 --> 00:08:20,754 on society. Right? Just educate yourself about all 254 00:08:20,754 --> 00:08:22,435 these things and try and find that thing 255 00:08:22,435 --> 00:08:23,254 that really, 256 00:08:23,555 --> 00:08:25,314 really speaks to you, that really fires you 257 00:08:25,314 --> 00:08:27,074 up, the thing that you really wanna put 258 00:08:27,074 --> 00:08:29,795 an end to. Because it's participating in those 259 00:08:29,795 --> 00:08:32,250 things. Right? Something bigger than yourself, to me, 260 00:08:32,330 --> 00:08:34,970 that really drives long term sobriety. Right? I 261 00:08:34,970 --> 00:08:36,490 think I think it's the difference between the 262 00:08:36,490 --> 00:08:38,490 guy you know, all the guys relapsing, they're 263 00:08:38,490 --> 00:08:40,570 just checking off the boxes. Right? I think 264 00:08:40,570 --> 00:08:42,730 it's the guys who are really tapped into 265 00:08:42,730 --> 00:08:43,629 this passionately 266 00:08:44,009 --> 00:08:45,070 that can go the distance. 267 00:08:46,514 --> 00:08:48,674 Thanks for listening to this episode. If you 268 00:08:48,674 --> 00:08:50,355 are a high achiever with a sex addiction 269 00:08:50,355 --> 00:08:52,115 and you're looking for a recovery group full 270 00:08:52,115 --> 00:08:55,235 of like minded men, visit successfuladdict.com. 271 00:08:55,235 --> 00:08:58,034 We provide men with a recovery mastermind group 272 00:08:58,034 --> 00:09:00,870 using four day retreats, weekly group calls, and 273 00:09:00,870 --> 00:09:03,430 daily accountability check ins. If you wanna achieve 274 00:09:03,430 --> 00:09:05,910 long term sobriety and save your marriage, go 275 00:09:05,910 --> 00:09:07,990 to our website, fill out our application. If 276 00:09:07,990 --> 00:09:10,550 you enjoyed this episode, please pass it along 277 00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:12,230 to a friend in recovery who would benefit 278 00:09:12,230 --> 00:09:14,070 from listening. It is my mission to get 279 00:09:14,070 --> 00:09:14,560 this information 280 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:18,900 help.
