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In this episode, I bring in doctor Jake

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Porter. And many of you are huge fans

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of Jake Porter. So am I. He's done

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so much for this field. And in this

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episode, we're gonna be talking about his new

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integrity model.

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Jake, and I were at a conference in

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Nashville when he presented this, and I thought

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it was brilliant. Right? Integrity is so often

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confused with, you know, honesty or telling the

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truth, but that's not what integrity is. Integrity

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is being whole, not split. Right? You can

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count on this person. You can count on

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this thing. It has integrity.

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And so Jake has this cool model where

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he looks at all of the elements

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that make up integrity. Right? So if men

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are going to become, you know, a a

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quote unquote man of integrity. Right? Somebody that

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people can count on. You need all of

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these elements if you're really going to step

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into that and maintain it. I think Jake

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does a brilliant job and we talk about

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all of that in this episode.

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You are listening to the sex addiction podcast

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for high achievers, business professionals, executives, and entrepreneurs.

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This podcast is designed to apply sobriety and

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recovery principles specifically to the mindset of the

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high achiever. I'm your host, Roland Cochran, founder

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of The Successful Addict, a recovery group for

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high achieving men struggling with sex and porn

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addiction. For more information about joining our group

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or attending our next retreat, visit successfuladdict.com.

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And now enjoy the rest of the episode.

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Alright, Jake.

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Let's talk about your integrity

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model. I I really like this idea to

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you know, I've always really struggled with this

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sobriety recovery

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language with this. Sure. You know, I think

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it imply I think the the challenge of

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applying those words

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to sexual compulsivity is

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it seems like there's this finish line. It

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seems like there's this place where, like, oh,

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I'm gonna get there. Right? Because, like, all

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these other you know, the heroin guy go

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and he's not doing heroin anymore. He's the

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alcohol guy. Like, all these people are just

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free of all their and so I think

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the problem with calling this recovery, sobriety is

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I think it kinda sets up, to me

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at least, a

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I'm not gonna necessarily unrealistic. I'm just gonna

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say a a,

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plan in place with a lot of holes

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and pitfalls that I think are not being

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recognized

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that can lead to slips and relapses in

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the future. And the thing I loved about

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your,

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integrity

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model

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is,

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it it gives

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addicts,

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compulsive men this way to look at every

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you know, what we call it in my

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program, I call it process addiction. And I

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say, listen. You're really not a you're not

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you're not out of your process addiction unless

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you flipped over every stone. You gotta look

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under every stone and make sure there's not

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something under there because five years from now

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that stone may be flipped over by something.

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And if you didn't turn it over with

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your through your recovery process,

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it could potentially lead to something. Right? So,

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can you want can you introduce your model?

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And, again, I don't think we need to

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go into the specifics of all all of

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it. But can you really just tell us

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why you chose this model and why you

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Yeah. More effective way to tackle recovery?

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Yeah. I do.

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I I can. And I and I do

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think it is more effective. And, and and

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here's the thing. I'm I'm

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I'm an addict in recovery. Like, I I

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embrace that. I I am that. I did

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the 12 step thing. It was good for

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me. I went to CSAT training. I'm a

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CSAT. I'm on faculty at ITAP now. I

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can make all those disclaimers.

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So what I'm saying the reason I lead

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with that is I know the traditional model.

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I understand it.

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And I I am not one that says

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it's all bad or it doesn't work for

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anybody.

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But here's what I also know.

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I know that

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that was the only

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template that existed for a long

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time.

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And I would have guys coming

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who

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it would trying to get them to fit

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that template was was like putting a, you

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know, a square peg into a round hole.

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They weren't

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sex addicts in the traditional

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sense of the word. But there was something

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going on.

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Right? So that's one piece of this this

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puzzle for me. The other thing for me

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is just in my own research

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growing in my understanding

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of how problematic it is

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to pull out this one domain of life

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or this one set of behaviors

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and say, if you correct

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that, you'll be okay.

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Because I'm sorry. We're just far more complicated

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than that.

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We nothing exists in isolation.

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Right? And so if it's just sobriety from

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x act,

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that that is not that's not gonna do

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it. That's that's your whole turnover every stone

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thing. Right? So so what I wanted to

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do,

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and this is partially based on my own

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experience and my own growth as a as

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a person even beyond just, you know, addiction

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recovery. What I wanted to do is I

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wanted to say, okay.

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How can I

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articulate,

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a model

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that helps guide people through a holistic

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understanding of how about just being a healthy,

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happy,

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fulfilled

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person?

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Right?

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Addiction can be one thing that gets in

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the way of that, but there's a whole

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lot trauma and social messaging and

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just flat out learned behaviors and all this

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stuff. So that's what I was trying to

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do. Yeah. It's a the way you know,

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I think my challenge with,

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recovery when I was in it was,

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I started seeing the flaws right out of

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the gates because I would and and this

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is the best way I can articulate it

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for everybody to understand what I mean by

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that is. I would go into this 12

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step meeting, and

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I very quickly realized

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all of us have different addictions. You see,

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when you normally go to a 12 step,

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meeting,

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everyone's consuming the same substance

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or or or the genre of substance. Right?

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And so you guys share that together. There's

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this there's this

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around, hey. We're all gonna go get our

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heroine. We're all gonna go get our right?

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So, what I found

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is sex porn affairs,

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emotional affairs,

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Jake,

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what people are getting from these,

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the the the spectrum's massive, Jake. There is

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voyeurism

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and the what you get from that. There

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is the sneaky, deceptive,

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defiant piece of it that you can get

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something from. There is the very human piece

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of it. I mean, you know, we all

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we demonize these. There is a you know,

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when you're having an affair with another human

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being, there is some human stuff going on.

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There is I mean, I can just keep

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going on and on and on as we

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look at these behaviors,

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what somebody is getting from them and what

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would cause them to want to get that

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in this way,

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Jake, what what a massive and I mean

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and massive is an understatement. I mean, what

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a what a what a vast,

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you know, I always tell people you're looking

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for a needle

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in a field

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in in a in a in a in

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a 20 by 20 mile field. You're looking

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for, like, two or three needles. I mean,

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to me, that's the challenge with this is

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it's a the breadth of what somebody could

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be getting

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from this is so huge. And so to

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say that they're doing it to emotionally regulate,

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to say that they're doing it for again,

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I'm to your point, Jake, I don't

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I I agree that people can do that.

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But I also think, what if they're not?

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And and then what's the danger of that?

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I often wonder when we see this guy

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slipping and relapsing,

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we often blame him for not doing enough

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recovery.

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My head goes to, are we missing the

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object? Yes. That that that's

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I think that's right. I think that,

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like, for me,

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I I was a true addict.

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So

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I was told I was coached. When you

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go into that meeting,

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your brain is gonna wanna hear all the

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ways you're not like everyone else.

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Go in there with the intention of listening

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for the similarities, not the differences.

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And

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and and you know what?

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It helped me because even though maybe the

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expressions okay. It's in an AA meeting, you're

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gonna have your martini drunks. You're gonna have

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your six you know, 12 pack drunks. You're

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gonna have your, you know, bingers. You're gonna

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have your every night a box of wine

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peep Right? So the In the same way,

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you're gonna have different expressions of sex addiction.

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But I could relate

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because I'm truly an addict. But I know

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that there are people out there

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who have problematic sexual behavior,

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but they are not sex addicts.

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And they don't connect. They they don't connect

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to the 12 step thing

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because

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it's not getting at their problem.

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Mhmm.

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I'm not saying it can't. I'm not saying

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they can never get any wisdom from it.

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So just to the audience, I still hear

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what I'm not saying. As an addict and

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I still went into those rooms and I'm

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not I'm not gonna say I got nothing

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out of it. Sure. I'm not I'm not

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gonna say that at all. Yeah. I'm not

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gonna say that. But but I want to

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I what I wanna do with this model,

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with this integrity driven model is I wanna

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say, look,

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regardless

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of where you fall on this thing,

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I think that we can look at becoming

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and I'm just gonna use some words that

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sound real judgmental. And as a as a

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licensed professional counselor, I'm not supposed to be

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judgmental, but

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this is

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just me. Just become a good person.

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Okay? And I'm not saying you're entirely a

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bad evil person right now, but I mean,

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we can all grow. We can all improve.

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We can all become better people than we

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are. I really believe that. So so

273
00:09:38,004 --> 00:09:40,424
why don't you just, like, have the aim

274
00:09:40,884 --> 00:09:43,625
of becoming the person you wanna be? Okay.

275
00:09:44,404 --> 00:09:46,324
There's these behaviors that are getting in the

276
00:09:46,324 --> 00:09:48,245
way. How do we fix that? So that's

277
00:09:48,245 --> 00:09:49,684
what I'm trying to get at in this

278
00:09:49,845 --> 00:09:51,284
Yes. It's a and when and right when

279
00:09:51,284 --> 00:09:52,664
you showed that slide,

280
00:09:53,029 --> 00:09:54,149
which I don't know if you can if

281
00:09:54,149 --> 00:09:56,710
if you're okay with, sending that over to

282
00:09:56,710 --> 00:09:58,309
my team and having us just share the

283
00:09:58,309 --> 00:10:00,470
PDF with people. But, guys, if you could

284
00:10:00,470 --> 00:10:01,830
just look at what Jake's doing with this,

285
00:10:01,830 --> 00:10:04,330
it's it's really neat. Right? Can we truly

286
00:10:04,629 --> 00:10:06,149
make it because what here's the way I

287
00:10:06,149 --> 00:10:07,509
look at this. I don't again, I'm not

288
00:10:07,590 --> 00:10:09,625
I don't really even for addicts, I don't

289
00:10:09,625 --> 00:10:11,225
even like calling this an addiction because I

290
00:10:11,225 --> 00:10:12,764
do just think it's kind of distracting.

291
00:10:13,144 --> 00:10:15,644
I think to me, I really just examine

292
00:10:16,345 --> 00:10:16,924
the science

293
00:10:17,544 --> 00:10:19,164
behind making a decision.

294
00:10:19,625 --> 00:10:21,164
Because really to me that encompasses

295
00:10:21,544 --> 00:10:24,125
compulsivity, that encompasses addiction, that encompasses

296
00:10:24,700 --> 00:10:28,080
inadequacies, that encompasses emotional you know, to me,

297
00:10:28,139 --> 00:10:30,860
what goes into someone making a decision? And

298
00:10:30,860 --> 00:10:33,839
I think if we can I personally believe

299
00:10:34,220 --> 00:10:37,179
men who wanna achieve real long term recovery,

300
00:10:37,179 --> 00:10:39,600
long term, real, real, real long term recovery?

301
00:10:40,355 --> 00:10:42,055
If you focus on

302
00:10:42,675 --> 00:10:45,154
what goes through my brain, my body when

303
00:10:45,154 --> 00:10:47,075
I make a decision, and where is all

304
00:10:47,075 --> 00:10:48,835
of this coming from, and why do I

305
00:10:48,835 --> 00:10:50,915
make this decision but somebody else who encounters

306
00:10:50,915 --> 00:10:52,995
the same would make another decision. I think

307
00:10:52,995 --> 00:10:56,100
when we get really curious about that, especially

308
00:10:56,100 --> 00:10:57,539
together in a group, I think it's one

309
00:10:57,539 --> 00:10:58,980
of the more powerful things we can do

310
00:10:58,980 --> 00:11:02,019
in recovery is everyone become really curious and

311
00:11:02,019 --> 00:11:02,519
nonjudgmental

312
00:11:02,899 --> 00:11:04,980
around what would make him act that way

313
00:11:04,980 --> 00:11:07,220
versus when I encounter that, I don't act

314
00:11:07,220 --> 00:11:09,860
that way. It's in that space, Jake, where

315
00:11:09,860 --> 00:11:11,834
it becomes so much less personal. It It

316
00:11:11,834 --> 00:11:12,875
becomes so much,

317
00:11:14,394 --> 00:11:16,394
it's not even that shameful. It's more so

318
00:11:16,394 --> 00:11:16,894
like,

319
00:11:17,595 --> 00:11:20,394
why do I feel the need when I

320
00:11:20,394 --> 00:11:22,794
feel unseen, when I feel inadequate, when I

321
00:11:22,794 --> 00:11:25,054
feel failing? Why is my go to

322
00:11:25,669 --> 00:11:27,589
getting someone else to say something awesome about

323
00:11:27,589 --> 00:11:29,110
me? Because that is like, personally with my

324
00:11:29,110 --> 00:11:30,789
own compulsivity, that's what it is. When I

325
00:11:30,949 --> 00:11:32,569
when things are not going my way,

326
00:11:32,870 --> 00:11:34,709
I go buy something that I can brag

327
00:11:34,709 --> 00:11:37,990
about. I go, I flaunt something. I that

328
00:11:37,990 --> 00:11:39,529
is my go to is

329
00:11:40,024 --> 00:11:41,545
some woman or man,

330
00:11:41,945 --> 00:11:44,504
somebody compliment me, somebody tell me I'm awesome,

331
00:11:44,504 --> 00:11:46,745
somebody tell me that I'm superior, somebody tell

332
00:11:46,745 --> 00:11:48,585
me that you admire me. But then when

333
00:11:48,585 --> 00:11:50,424
I go and look at somebody else, they

334
00:11:50,424 --> 00:11:52,759
don't do that. Right? So I I think

335
00:11:52,759 --> 00:11:54,919
when I saw yours, that's what I saw

336
00:11:54,919 --> 00:11:56,939
when I saw that whole spectrum was,

337
00:11:57,319 --> 00:11:59,799
hey. How balanced are all of these things?

338
00:11:59,799 --> 00:12:01,799
And and is there pathology in some of

339
00:12:01,799 --> 00:12:04,279
these? Because I think anything going wrong with

340
00:12:04,279 --> 00:12:06,059
any aspect of your existence

341
00:12:06,644 --> 00:12:09,285
will lead to something funky. And I think

342
00:12:09,285 --> 00:12:10,725
that that's why I do really like the

343
00:12:10,725 --> 00:12:12,404
word integrity. You know, when you look at

344
00:12:12,404 --> 00:12:14,965
the definition, it's whole not split. Right? It's

345
00:12:14,965 --> 00:12:17,125
it's having a you know, when I saw

346
00:12:17,125 --> 00:12:18,504
how you drew it, Jake,

347
00:12:19,660 --> 00:12:21,340
here was the thing that connected with me

348
00:12:21,340 --> 00:12:21,840
was,

349
00:12:22,860 --> 00:12:23,360
how

350
00:12:24,300 --> 00:12:27,440
how able am I to stay

351
00:12:27,980 --> 00:12:29,899
me. Right? So if I'm you know, nobody

352
00:12:29,899 --> 00:12:31,500
can see this on the podcast, but, you

353
00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:33,600
know, if the center is real me

354
00:12:34,095 --> 00:12:37,134
who serves and makes good choices and leaves

355
00:12:37,134 --> 00:12:39,375
a cool legacy Yes. And really is over

356
00:12:39,375 --> 00:12:41,774
myself. I'm I'm I'm I'm not obsessed with

357
00:12:41,774 --> 00:12:43,534
me. I'm I know that I feel the

358
00:12:43,534 --> 00:12:46,414
best when I'm obsessed with everyone else and

359
00:12:46,414 --> 00:12:46,914
elevating

360
00:12:47,375 --> 00:12:48,274
all of us.

361
00:12:49,220 --> 00:12:51,299
So when I'm me, I make those decisions.

362
00:12:52,019 --> 00:12:54,340
So the problem is, Jake, what I find

363
00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:56,120
is, at least for me, I

364
00:12:57,139 --> 00:12:58,660
and, again, I've never been somebody else. I've

365
00:12:58,660 --> 00:13:00,100
only ever been rolled. I have a really

366
00:13:00,100 --> 00:13:01,700
hard time staying in the middle, brother. I

367
00:13:01,700 --> 00:13:03,825
I I'm floating all over the damn place.

368
00:13:03,825 --> 00:13:04,325
Right.

369
00:13:04,785 --> 00:13:07,024
Yeah. And I'm not it's hard for me

370
00:13:07,024 --> 00:13:08,304
to stay in the center. It's why I

371
00:13:08,304 --> 00:13:10,165
keep my foot on the gas in recovery

372
00:13:10,384 --> 00:13:13,205
hard. I have multiple therapists, multiple interventions

373
00:13:13,585 --> 00:13:16,085
because I've just realized my trauma and pathology

374
00:13:16,225 --> 00:13:17,924
sucks me away from that

375
00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:20,600
quite quickly and quite more and and maybe

376
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:22,200
more often than others. And so I I

377
00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:23,959
just have to police my my thoughts and

378
00:13:23,959 --> 00:13:26,059
behaviors maybe more than other people might.

379
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:28,039
But, Jake, as I explained that, is that

380
00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:30,220
you know, when you're talking about your model,

381
00:13:30,919 --> 00:13:32,745
what hits with that? Was that was that

382
00:13:33,065 --> 00:13:35,225
the the goal to make sure that we're

383
00:13:35,225 --> 00:13:36,985
in I don't know what you wanna call

384
00:13:36,985 --> 00:13:39,225
balance. Like, talk to us about your definition

385
00:13:39,225 --> 00:13:41,085
of integrity and and how this Right.

386
00:13:41,865 --> 00:13:44,585
So so my definition of integrity, you nailed

387
00:13:44,585 --> 00:13:47,070
it, is to be whole, to be integrated.

388
00:13:47,370 --> 00:13:49,610
It's it's that there is there's a and

389
00:13:49,610 --> 00:13:50,509
there's a maturity

390
00:13:52,409 --> 00:13:52,909
process

391
00:13:53,289 --> 00:13:55,289
of getting there. Oh, I like that. So

392
00:13:55,289 --> 00:13:57,309
so there's an alignment or congruence,

393
00:13:57,769 --> 00:14:00,455
right, Among all these different dimensions of myself.

394
00:14:00,455 --> 00:14:02,215
So the the the image that you keep

395
00:14:02,215 --> 00:14:04,455
referring to, if I can kinda describe it

396
00:14:04,455 --> 00:14:06,934
for listeners, think of like like four circles

397
00:14:06,934 --> 00:14:07,995
of a Venn diagram.

398
00:14:08,375 --> 00:14:08,875
Okay?

399
00:14:09,254 --> 00:14:11,909
And, and these are meant to represent these

400
00:14:11,990 --> 00:14:14,329
four domains of our existence.

401
00:14:14,949 --> 00:14:16,629
And and this is I always say this

402
00:14:16,629 --> 00:14:18,970
because it's really important to to understanding

403
00:14:19,509 --> 00:14:21,589
at least my approach here. I say that

404
00:14:21,589 --> 00:14:22,490
they are conceptually

405
00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:25,049
distinct but functionally united.

406
00:14:25,429 --> 00:14:27,029
Okay. That's a lot of jargon, but what

407
00:14:27,029 --> 00:14:27,769
does it mean?

408
00:14:28,845 --> 00:14:29,345
Conceptually,

409
00:14:29,804 --> 00:14:31,825
we can talk about them in isolation.

410
00:14:33,644 --> 00:14:36,304
But functionally, in other words, in real life,

411
00:14:36,924 --> 00:14:39,904
you can't separate these. So the four domains

412
00:14:40,205 --> 00:14:43,610
are the physical, the emotional, the ethical, and

413
00:14:43,610 --> 00:14:45,629
the spiritual. Those are the four domains.

414
00:14:46,170 --> 00:14:49,210
But the reality is when I'm dealing with

415
00:14:49,210 --> 00:14:50,350
something emotional,

416
00:14:50,889 --> 00:14:52,029
I am simultaneously

417
00:14:52,490 --> 00:14:54,170
dealing with the spiritual, the ethical, and the

418
00:14:54,170 --> 00:14:56,304
physical. When I'm dealing with the ethical, I'm

419
00:14:56,304 --> 00:14:58,865
dealing with the other three. So we can't

420
00:14:58,865 --> 00:15:00,705
isolate them in real life. We can talk

421
00:15:00,705 --> 00:15:01,684
about them distinctively.

422
00:15:02,625 --> 00:15:05,504
And so integrity is when there is alignment

423
00:15:05,504 --> 00:15:08,545
or there is congruence among these four sort

424
00:15:08,545 --> 00:15:10,325
of domains of my being.

425
00:15:11,264 --> 00:15:11,764
So,

426
00:15:12,830 --> 00:15:13,790
I mean, I don't know if you wanna

427
00:15:13,790 --> 00:15:16,029
kinda walk through those briefly. I I well,

428
00:15:16,029 --> 00:15:17,950
I like what you said because I think

429
00:15:17,950 --> 00:15:18,450
maturity

430
00:15:19,230 --> 00:15:20,990
I really love when you use that word

431
00:15:20,990 --> 00:15:21,970
because to me,

432
00:15:22,670 --> 00:15:24,670
I I I really love that. I like

433
00:15:24,670 --> 00:15:26,190
that better than I like that better than

434
00:15:26,190 --> 00:15:28,825
recovery. I really like that because that's, you

435
00:15:28,825 --> 00:15:30,664
know, the way that I've really started to

436
00:15:30,664 --> 00:15:31,164
understand

437
00:15:31,865 --> 00:15:33,004
this is not,

438
00:15:33,384 --> 00:15:35,784
I don't even like deficits and inadequacy sometimes,

439
00:15:35,784 --> 00:15:37,784
you know, because again, it's just these these

440
00:15:37,784 --> 00:15:39,945
words start to sound so you know, to

441
00:15:39,945 --> 00:15:42,000
me, there was shit you were supposed to

442
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:45,460
freaking learn and understand. And, it's really hard

443
00:15:45,679 --> 00:15:48,720
when you're raised by two flawed humans who

444
00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:50,320
don't who who don't know a lot of

445
00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:52,639
stuff. Right. Your parents don't know more than

446
00:15:52,639 --> 00:15:55,279
they know. Right? So to me, there's so

447
00:15:55,279 --> 00:15:57,054
much, freedom and understanding

448
00:15:57,754 --> 00:16:00,715
the likelihood of you learning what you needed

449
00:16:00,715 --> 00:16:01,295
to learn

450
00:16:01,674 --> 00:16:04,394
at a high level in all of those

451
00:16:04,394 --> 00:16:06,875
circles of the diagram. Oh. It is Yeah.

452
00:16:06,875 --> 00:16:08,875
I I I'm gonna go bold enough to

453
00:16:08,875 --> 00:16:11,519
say impossible. I don't I don't think outside

454
00:16:11,519 --> 00:16:14,639
of somebody who has been teleported down into

455
00:16:14,639 --> 00:16:17,600
Mary's belly. I don't know if somebody has

456
00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:20,019
the ability to show up in that capacity

457
00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:23,839
ever. Raised in America by two human beings

458
00:16:23,839 --> 00:16:25,059
who were raised in America.

459
00:16:25,544 --> 00:16:27,705
I think that's exactly right. And and I

460
00:16:27,705 --> 00:16:30,424
wanna go one step further with that idea,

461
00:16:30,424 --> 00:16:33,164
Roland. And I wanna say, and it's good.

462
00:16:34,024 --> 00:16:36,284
And it's a good thing because

463
00:16:37,225 --> 00:16:39,625
the journey and I'm gonna sound like one

464
00:16:39,625 --> 00:16:41,960
of those nineties, you know, posters in a

465
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:43,100
office or whatever.

466
00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:44,860
But the journey

467
00:16:45,399 --> 00:16:47,019
of reaching maturity

468
00:16:48,519 --> 00:16:51,899
is valuable and important. And it's

469
00:16:52,279 --> 00:16:55,080
it's what life is about. Like like, I

470
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:55,580
think,

471
00:16:56,365 --> 00:16:58,125
you know, when we talk about the spiritual

472
00:16:58,125 --> 00:17:00,524
domains, the spiritual domain is about getting outside

473
00:17:00,524 --> 00:17:02,684
of myself. Right? About connecting to that which

474
00:17:02,684 --> 00:17:04,924
is beyond me and above me and having

475
00:17:04,924 --> 00:17:06,924
a purpose that is beyond me and above

476
00:17:06,924 --> 00:17:08,144
me. It's about

477
00:17:08,700 --> 00:17:11,099
meaning. What's the meaning of all of this?

478
00:17:11,099 --> 00:17:11,599
Right?

479
00:17:12,140 --> 00:17:12,640
And

480
00:17:13,819 --> 00:17:16,140
and what if, you know, for me, this

481
00:17:16,140 --> 00:17:17,440
works for me. Okay?

482
00:17:18,059 --> 00:17:20,480
Part of the meaning of my life

483
00:17:21,464 --> 00:17:21,964
is

484
00:17:22,424 --> 00:17:24,605
to grow into maturity.

485
00:17:27,304 --> 00:17:29,224
And that is what, here's what that does

486
00:17:29,224 --> 00:17:29,964
for me.

487
00:17:30,345 --> 00:17:31,244
That mindset

488
00:17:31,785 --> 00:17:33,005
makes the struggle

489
00:17:33,464 --> 00:17:34,285
worth it.

490
00:17:36,149 --> 00:17:36,649
Like,

491
00:17:36,950 --> 00:17:39,369
it's it's it's supposed to be hard.

492
00:17:39,829 --> 00:17:42,149
Okay. You know, we we so often in

493
00:17:42,149 --> 00:17:43,609
in this culture, especially

494
00:17:43,990 --> 00:17:46,889
where we have such access to instant gratification

495
00:17:47,190 --> 00:17:50,054
and instant satisfaction and instant answers. The moment

496
00:17:50,054 --> 00:17:51,414
we hit up against a little bit of

497
00:17:51,414 --> 00:17:53,894
struggle, we we we experience a little bit

498
00:17:53,894 --> 00:17:55,255
of challenge. We think, what am I doing

499
00:17:55,255 --> 00:17:56,855
wrong? You know, what do I need to

500
00:17:56,855 --> 00:17:57,514
do differently?

501
00:17:57,815 --> 00:17:58,634
And I'm saying,

502
00:17:59,014 --> 00:17:59,514
no.

503
00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:03,809
That embrace it. Hug the cactus. The struggle

504
00:18:03,869 --> 00:18:05,630
might be the evidence that you are on

505
00:18:05,630 --> 00:18:08,349
the exact right path, that you're doing the

506
00:18:08,349 --> 00:18:09,569
exact right thing.

507
00:18:09,950 --> 00:18:12,369
Right? If you if if you're working out

508
00:18:12,669 --> 00:18:14,369
and you never feel strain,

509
00:18:14,750 --> 00:18:16,049
are you working out?

510
00:18:16,544 --> 00:18:17,044
Right.

511
00:18:17,424 --> 00:18:17,924
No.

512
00:18:18,384 --> 00:18:19,125
Yeah. Good.

513
00:18:19,984 --> 00:18:22,325
And and and so that's the physical domain.

514
00:18:22,784 --> 00:18:25,365
Right? Why would we think we're any different

515
00:18:25,424 --> 00:18:25,924
emotionally,

516
00:18:26,464 --> 00:18:27,845
ethically, and spiritually?

517
00:18:28,250 --> 00:18:29,609
Right. Yeah. So well said. I have a

518
00:18:29,769 --> 00:18:31,850
I think it's chapter seven in my book.

519
00:18:31,850 --> 00:18:34,009
It's called recovery is not a burden. And

520
00:18:34,009 --> 00:18:35,529
then really, you know, I always tell everybody

521
00:18:35,529 --> 00:18:37,869
if recovery feels laborious and annoying,

522
00:18:38,570 --> 00:18:39,869
or boring or monotonous,

523
00:18:40,570 --> 00:18:42,330
you're doing it wrong. Find a different find

524
00:18:42,330 --> 00:18:43,934
a different method, find a different group.

525
00:18:44,495 --> 00:18:46,174
You know, the guys in my group count

526
00:18:46,174 --> 00:18:47,154
down the days

527
00:18:47,615 --> 00:18:50,335
to their group's next intensive. They look forward

528
00:18:50,335 --> 00:18:51,775
to it. They get like, seriously, when we're

529
00:18:51,775 --> 00:18:53,615
a month out, everybody's like, oh, hey. Get

530
00:18:53,615 --> 00:18:54,815
out of here. I'm so excited to see.

531
00:18:54,815 --> 00:18:55,295
Yep.

532
00:18:55,855 --> 00:18:57,134
You know, I had a guy a kid

533
00:18:57,134 --> 00:18:58,275
ask me one time,

534
00:18:58,890 --> 00:19:00,890
very successful young man. He said, Roland, is

535
00:19:00,890 --> 00:19:02,490
it ever done? Because we kept flipping over

536
00:19:02,490 --> 00:19:02,990
stones.

537
00:19:03,289 --> 00:19:04,650
Mhmm. And he's just like, gosh, dang it.

538
00:19:04,650 --> 00:19:06,570
Another stone. I was really you know? And

539
00:19:06,570 --> 00:19:08,170
he said, Roland, is it ever done? And

540
00:19:08,170 --> 00:19:09,609
I I, you know, I I told him,

541
00:19:09,609 --> 00:19:11,384
I said, I hope it's not, man. I

542
00:19:11,384 --> 00:19:13,384
said, literally, now that I'm now that I'm

543
00:19:13,384 --> 00:19:15,305
on a self mastery journey and that's, like,

544
00:19:15,305 --> 00:19:17,705
my priority is to be what Roland was

545
00:19:17,705 --> 00:19:18,684
sent here to be,

546
00:19:19,625 --> 00:19:21,305
god, it's all I wanna do. I I

547
00:19:21,305 --> 00:19:23,144
I have a hard time, like, doing anything

548
00:19:23,144 --> 00:19:24,045
else besides

549
00:19:24,609 --> 00:19:25,429
tapping into

550
00:19:25,970 --> 00:19:28,289
my purpose, my calling, my unique abilities, who

551
00:19:28,289 --> 00:19:29,730
I've been sent here to serve. It's it's

552
00:19:29,730 --> 00:19:31,169
it's it's all I like to think about.

553
00:19:31,169 --> 00:19:32,769
And that's and that to me, that's what

554
00:19:32,769 --> 00:19:34,369
recovery is about. Right? I mean, the the

555
00:19:34,369 --> 00:19:36,710
sense of the word. Right? Recovering what was

556
00:19:37,115 --> 00:19:38,795
what was lost. What were you sent you

557
00:19:38,795 --> 00:19:40,394
to do? What were you called to do?

558
00:19:40,394 --> 00:19:42,414
And how far away are you from that?

559
00:19:43,115 --> 00:19:44,234
I wanted you to,

560
00:19:44,715 --> 00:19:45,994
I I wanted you to just make this

561
00:19:45,994 --> 00:19:47,934
a little bit more tangible for people, Jake.

562
00:19:48,154 --> 00:19:48,654
When

563
00:19:48,955 --> 00:19:50,734
so somebody's in recovery,

564
00:19:51,500 --> 00:19:53,900
and maybe they're doing this, like, monotonous kind

565
00:19:53,900 --> 00:19:55,900
of scripted check off the box thing, which

566
00:19:55,900 --> 00:19:57,820
I would say, even guys who think they're

567
00:19:57,820 --> 00:19:59,340
not checking the box, a lot of them,

568
00:19:59,340 --> 00:20:00,559
when I meet them, I'm like,

569
00:20:01,100 --> 00:20:02,859
I'm like, hey. I hear you, and I

570
00:20:02,859 --> 00:20:05,180
love the passion, brother. But you are a

571
00:20:05,180 --> 00:20:07,694
box checker still. I mean, you're not you're

572
00:20:07,694 --> 00:20:11,934
not really take making recovery your own. You're

573
00:20:11,934 --> 00:20:14,654
a you're kind of just wandering around in

574
00:20:14,654 --> 00:20:15,634
the recovery spaces,

575
00:20:16,255 --> 00:20:18,494
gleaning what happens to land in front of

576
00:20:18,494 --> 00:20:20,115
you. It's it's more of like this opportunistic

577
00:20:20,494 --> 00:20:23,019
recovery, and I think that happens slow. I

578
00:20:23,019 --> 00:20:24,299
know I get a lot of crap for

579
00:20:24,299 --> 00:20:25,900
what I'm about to say, but I still

580
00:20:25,900 --> 00:20:27,980
believe it. You know, there's therapists who, you

581
00:20:27,980 --> 00:20:30,220
know, who believe that, they don't like talking

582
00:20:30,220 --> 00:20:32,880
about, like, hurrying things, rushing things, accelerating things.

583
00:20:33,339 --> 00:20:35,684
I'm sorry. I just disagree. I think there

584
00:20:35,845 --> 00:20:37,845
is a method to all of this. And

585
00:20:37,845 --> 00:20:40,085
I think for the person who wants to

586
00:20:40,085 --> 00:20:42,164
dive in, I I am of full belief

587
00:20:42,164 --> 00:20:43,625
you can accelerate it. And,

588
00:20:44,164 --> 00:20:46,805
so so tangibly, Jake, for the guy who's

589
00:20:46,805 --> 00:20:47,785
a box checker,

590
00:20:48,119 --> 00:20:51,400
how does he transition his recovery to a

591
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:52,859
method similar to yours?

592
00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:53,740
Yeah.

593
00:20:54,119 --> 00:20:54,619
So

594
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,099
here's what you do. Here's the first step.

595
00:20:57,960 --> 00:21:01,355
You gotta swap out the the first question

596
00:21:01,494 --> 00:21:03,914
that pops into our mind. When we encounter

597
00:21:03,974 --> 00:21:06,695
some situation, some dilemma with our partners or

598
00:21:06,695 --> 00:21:08,955
workers, maybe it's maybe it is like

599
00:21:09,335 --> 00:21:11,575
a, am I gonna go do this behavior

600
00:21:11,575 --> 00:21:12,855
that I said I'm not gonna do anymore?

601
00:21:12,855 --> 00:21:14,934
Maybe it is more directly kinda recovery related

602
00:21:14,934 --> 00:21:15,595
or whatever.

603
00:21:16,289 --> 00:21:16,789
Instead

604
00:21:17,090 --> 00:21:19,090
here's what we often think. What should I

605
00:21:19,090 --> 00:21:19,590
do?

606
00:21:20,049 --> 00:21:22,130
Mhmm. What should I do here? Right? Even

607
00:21:22,130 --> 00:21:23,269
with my wife. Like,

608
00:21:23,730 --> 00:21:25,890
something's off. We have a little spat, whatever,

609
00:21:25,890 --> 00:21:27,809
and I think what should I do? No.

610
00:21:27,809 --> 00:21:29,509
Wrong question to start with.

611
00:21:29,914 --> 00:21:32,234
The first question is who do I wanna

612
00:21:32,234 --> 00:21:33,934
be? Yeah. I like that.

613
00:21:34,394 --> 00:21:36,654
Mhmm. Who do I wanna be? And

614
00:21:37,274 --> 00:21:39,434
and that that that we could spend an

615
00:21:39,434 --> 00:21:41,755
hour just talking about that one question. But

616
00:21:41,755 --> 00:21:44,335
but here's the basics of it real quickly.

617
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:48,980
I I am part of something larger.

618
00:21:49,759 --> 00:21:51,759
I'm gonna leave a legacy one way or

619
00:21:51,759 --> 00:21:52,819
another. Right?

620
00:21:53,279 --> 00:21:55,279
I need to have a vision for what

621
00:21:55,279 --> 00:21:57,380
this all means. What is the meaning

622
00:21:58,144 --> 00:22:00,544
of of everything, but how do I fit

623
00:22:00,544 --> 00:22:02,784
into that? Yeah. I know it's an accidental

624
00:22:02,784 --> 00:22:05,424
legacy. Yeah. Yeah. Right. It's right. And it's

625
00:22:05,424 --> 00:22:06,784
probably not gonna be what I want it

626
00:22:06,784 --> 00:22:08,325
to be if it's not intentional.

627
00:22:08,865 --> 00:22:09,365
Right?

628
00:22:09,744 --> 00:22:10,244
So

629
00:22:10,900 --> 00:22:13,299
so it starts with these these big kinda

630
00:22:13,299 --> 00:22:15,619
existential questions, and you don't have to have

631
00:22:15,619 --> 00:22:18,259
all the answers there. But, like, what's my

632
00:22:18,259 --> 00:22:21,000
meaning and purpose? Like, start there and and

633
00:22:21,220 --> 00:22:22,900
don't focus on what you don't know. Focus

634
00:22:22,900 --> 00:22:24,339
on what you do know. Well, I know

635
00:22:24,339 --> 00:22:26,295
I wanna be a good dad. Mhmm.

636
00:22:26,934 --> 00:22:29,195
Maybe. Okay. Or I know I wanna be

637
00:22:29,255 --> 00:22:31,515
a good husband. Or I know I want,

638
00:22:32,535 --> 00:22:34,315
to leave the world a better place

639
00:22:34,775 --> 00:22:37,355
because of me. Okay. Great. Let's start there.

640
00:22:37,815 --> 00:22:39,275
That's the spiritual realm.

641
00:22:40,409 --> 00:22:42,349
That gives meaning to everything else.

642
00:22:43,369 --> 00:22:43,869
Next,

643
00:22:44,569 --> 00:22:46,029
you're gonna have to ask yourself,

644
00:22:46,490 --> 00:22:49,450
okay, what kind of person do I need

645
00:22:49,450 --> 00:22:51,690
to be to reach that end? That's the

646
00:22:51,849 --> 00:22:52,669
that's values.

647
00:22:53,505 --> 00:22:55,285
So go Google core values.

648
00:22:55,984 --> 00:22:56,884
Pick four.

649
00:22:57,184 --> 00:22:59,025
Alright. It can't be too many. You gotta

650
00:22:59,025 --> 00:23:01,664
be able to remember them. Pick four. And

651
00:23:01,664 --> 00:23:03,984
now here and this is where the struggle

652
00:23:03,984 --> 00:23:04,805
comes in.

653
00:23:05,585 --> 00:23:06,085
Now

654
00:23:06,464 --> 00:23:08,964
the physical. You're going to act

655
00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:11,579
in you're aiming at the spiritual,

656
00:23:12,839 --> 00:23:14,059
and with your physical,

657
00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:16,519
you're going to act in alignment with your

658
00:23:16,519 --> 00:23:18,200
values to get to the spiritual. You know

659
00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:20,200
what I'm leaving out? The emotional because it's

660
00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:22,119
the last one to come on board. Yeah.

661
00:23:22,119 --> 00:23:23,259
True that. I agree.

662
00:23:24,125 --> 00:23:25,024
Yeah. Right?

663
00:23:25,325 --> 00:23:27,325
Because if we just let our emotions in

664
00:23:27,325 --> 00:23:29,724
the moment drive the bus, we're we're gonna

665
00:23:29,724 --> 00:23:32,284
end up all over the place. Emotions change.

666
00:23:32,284 --> 00:23:33,105
They're fickle.

667
00:23:33,565 --> 00:23:36,125
Right? But here's the thing. When I act

668
00:23:36,125 --> 00:23:38,284
in alignment with my values and I feel

669
00:23:38,284 --> 00:23:39,424
myself move

670
00:23:40,259 --> 00:23:41,720
toward that greater purpose,

671
00:23:42,500 --> 00:23:45,059
my my emotions change and they come along.

672
00:23:45,059 --> 00:23:46,420
And they help guide you. You know what?

673
00:23:46,420 --> 00:23:48,180
That felt good. Yeah. They help guide you.

674
00:23:48,180 --> 00:23:49,880
Yeah. They become your ally. Mhmm.

675
00:23:50,259 --> 00:23:52,340
Right. So so just know that that's gonna

676
00:23:52,340 --> 00:23:54,740
probably be the last piece to really come

677
00:23:54,740 --> 00:23:55,454
on board.

678
00:23:55,934 --> 00:23:58,174
But, but, yeah, I mean, that's that's a

679
00:23:58,174 --> 00:23:59,875
very quick summary of how you do it.

680
00:24:00,015 --> 00:24:01,454
Jake, I love that. I think what we'll

681
00:24:01,454 --> 00:24:02,654
close by is

682
00:24:06,015 --> 00:24:06,515
and

683
00:24:07,294 --> 00:24:08,909
I don't know. I I'm always so heads

684
00:24:08,990 --> 00:24:10,589
hesitant to go here because it is. It's

685
00:24:10,589 --> 00:24:13,569
so woo woo. It's so nineties motivational poster.

686
00:24:14,029 --> 00:24:16,529
But, you know, to me, Jake,

687
00:24:16,909 --> 00:24:19,409
recovery will be limited and handicapped

688
00:24:20,484 --> 00:24:22,484
unless it's about what you just said. I

689
00:24:22,484 --> 00:24:25,284
I I I don't believe we are here

690
00:24:25,284 --> 00:24:26,744
to not do things.

691
00:24:27,444 --> 00:24:30,085
And I think that's a huge pitfall with

692
00:24:30,484 --> 00:24:32,404
again, it's why I don't like words like

693
00:24:32,404 --> 00:24:32,904
sobriety,

694
00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:36,859
recovery, addiction. It's all about stopping shit.

695
00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:39,559
To me, humans I always say, when you

696
00:24:39,559 --> 00:24:42,839
look at human psychology, we're freedom from is

697
00:24:42,839 --> 00:24:45,000
one of the weakest motivators. I don't wanna

698
00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:46,934
be poor. I don't wanna be alone. I

699
00:24:46,934 --> 00:24:48,694
don't But when you look about people who

700
00:24:48,694 --> 00:24:50,775
focus on what they don't wanna become, they're

701
00:24:50,775 --> 00:24:52,694
very, very unmotivated. The only time they become

702
00:24:52,694 --> 00:24:55,174
motivated is when they get closer to being

703
00:24:55,174 --> 00:24:56,615
that thing they don't wanna be, then they're

704
00:24:56,615 --> 00:24:58,555
very motivated. Right. Right. But as they get

705
00:24:58,615 --> 00:25:00,875
away from it, they become less

706
00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:03,919
motivated. So if they don't shift to what

707
00:25:03,919 --> 00:25:06,259
psychology what they call freedom two,

708
00:25:06,799 --> 00:25:09,119
the freedom two becomes something, what we find

709
00:25:09,119 --> 00:25:11,359
with that is the the the motivation is

710
00:25:11,359 --> 00:25:13,440
20 times stronger. And not only does it

711
00:25:13,519 --> 00:25:15,744
you don't you get more motivated the closer

712
00:25:15,744 --> 00:25:17,105
and closer you get. It's not a it's

713
00:25:17,105 --> 00:25:19,505
like the opposite. So, but I wanna close

714
00:25:19,505 --> 00:25:21,184
by a quote that I love. You know,

715
00:25:21,184 --> 00:25:22,644
I I genuinely believe,

716
00:25:23,505 --> 00:25:24,705
you know, and I know this is this

717
00:25:24,705 --> 00:25:26,625
is gonna sound really bizarre, but I think

718
00:25:26,625 --> 00:25:28,724
the stuff that happens to us

719
00:25:29,250 --> 00:25:30,930
is supposed to happen to us. It's a

720
00:25:30,930 --> 00:25:32,390
direct reflection of

721
00:25:32,690 --> 00:25:33,829
where we are.

722
00:25:34,210 --> 00:25:35,490
Guys talk to me all the time about,

723
00:25:35,490 --> 00:25:36,710
like, shame resilience.

724
00:25:37,490 --> 00:25:39,089
You know, and there's all these different things,

725
00:25:39,089 --> 00:25:40,369
and I'm not really a big fan of

726
00:25:40,369 --> 00:25:42,295
them. I I always say, you know, and

727
00:25:42,295 --> 00:25:44,394
this is so unpopular I'm about to say,

728
00:25:44,454 --> 00:25:46,055
guys we're a victim of this. And I

729
00:25:46,055 --> 00:25:47,575
know your wife would hate to hear that,

730
00:25:47,575 --> 00:25:49,894
but the shame belongs to the adult film

731
00:25:49,894 --> 00:25:50,394
industry

732
00:25:50,695 --> 00:25:53,355
for producing this content. The shame is

733
00:25:53,654 --> 00:25:55,494
the government for not doing a better job

734
00:25:55,494 --> 00:25:57,335
of regulating who gets their hands on all

735
00:25:57,335 --> 00:26:00,029
this stuff. The shame the shame is on

736
00:26:00,029 --> 00:26:02,269
everybody who filled your brain with all of

737
00:26:02,269 --> 00:26:04,930
this crap because now you're just acting compulsively

738
00:26:05,069 --> 00:26:06,670
on a lot, but but to take on

739
00:26:06,670 --> 00:26:09,549
that shame like you invented porn, like you

740
00:26:09,549 --> 00:26:10,049
invented,

741
00:26:10,990 --> 00:26:11,730
you know,

742
00:26:12,414 --> 00:26:14,355
guys are a lot you know, we're victims

743
00:26:14,575 --> 00:26:16,575
of a lot of this crap being placed

744
00:26:16,575 --> 00:26:18,174
in front of us. You're gonna wanna do

745
00:26:18,174 --> 00:26:20,654
sexual stuff, so don't carry the shame around

746
00:26:20,654 --> 00:26:22,414
that. There's nothing wrong with you for doing

747
00:26:22,414 --> 00:26:24,734
that. These other people prayed on you. They

748
00:26:24,734 --> 00:26:26,869
didn't protect you. They placed the scrap in

749
00:26:26,869 --> 00:26:28,950
front of you without explaining the consequences of

750
00:26:28,950 --> 00:26:30,009
what was gonna happen.

751
00:26:30,549 --> 00:26:32,470
Now you have to live with it. But

752
00:26:32,470 --> 00:26:33,529
to me, Jake,

753
00:26:33,909 --> 00:26:35,829
I believe when all this nonsense is going

754
00:26:35,829 --> 00:26:38,009
on in your life, I'm gonna quote Yoda.

755
00:26:38,505 --> 00:26:39,565
He says,

756
00:26:40,105 --> 00:26:41,964
he says, we are what they grow beyond.

757
00:26:42,025 --> 00:26:44,904
To me, if you ruminate on what you've

758
00:26:44,904 --> 00:26:46,904
done, if you let that define you, if

759
00:26:46,904 --> 00:26:48,984
you let that be even the fuel for

760
00:26:48,984 --> 00:26:50,984
your recovery, I don't know how far you'll

761
00:26:50,984 --> 00:26:51,420
go.

762
00:26:51,980 --> 00:26:53,680
We are what they grow beyond.

763
00:26:54,140 --> 00:26:55,680
I love that Yoda quote.

764
00:26:57,019 --> 00:27:00,059
Everyone after you is going to, there another

765
00:27:00,059 --> 00:27:01,340
one that I love. I don't know who

766
00:27:01,340 --> 00:27:04,154
said this one. Our ceiling becomes their floor.

767
00:27:04,394 --> 00:27:06,795
So to me, where where I see guys

768
00:27:06,795 --> 00:27:09,115
kicking ass in recovery are ones that understand,

769
00:27:09,115 --> 00:27:10,634
hey. These are the cards I dealt. These

770
00:27:10,634 --> 00:27:12,095
are the things that I have done.

771
00:27:12,795 --> 00:27:14,955
I can't change the past. What I can

772
00:27:14,955 --> 00:27:17,809
do is prevent them from happening again, make

773
00:27:17,809 --> 00:27:20,289
all the amends that's possible. And where I

774
00:27:20,289 --> 00:27:22,210
see guys really thrive is, what do I

775
00:27:22,210 --> 00:27:24,130
need to do to make sure that I

776
00:27:24,130 --> 00:27:25,650
don't contribute to this and that I can

777
00:27:25,650 --> 00:27:27,730
protect as many young men from falling into

778
00:27:27,730 --> 00:27:30,224
this as possible? When we do that, I

779
00:27:30,224 --> 00:27:32,545
see shame go down. I see constructive and

780
00:27:32,545 --> 00:27:35,505
productive thinking. I see the relationship around all

781
00:27:35,505 --> 00:27:36,325
of this change,

782
00:27:36,704 --> 00:27:38,144
and I really do. I see guys start

783
00:27:38,144 --> 00:27:40,164
to really thrive. It's it's a productive,

784
00:27:40,944 --> 00:27:44,065
tribal, healthy way of getting into integrity so

785
00:27:44,065 --> 00:27:45,684
that we can do something that matters.

786
00:27:46,180 --> 00:27:49,140
Yeah. It feels good to become a better

787
00:27:49,140 --> 00:27:52,840
person. Yeah. It does. It feels good. And

788
00:27:52,900 --> 00:27:54,580
and we get maybe someday we'll have a

789
00:27:54,580 --> 00:27:56,900
whole other conversation about shame because that we

790
00:27:56,900 --> 00:27:58,980
could we could go way down that rabbit

791
00:27:58,980 --> 00:28:01,095
hole. But to at least right size it,

792
00:28:01,095 --> 00:28:03,414
to know what's healthy and what's not, and

793
00:28:03,414 --> 00:28:05,654
then exactly what you said, I think is

794
00:28:05,654 --> 00:28:06,154
huge.

795
00:28:07,015 --> 00:28:09,414
When you act, it it's it's not a

796
00:28:09,414 --> 00:28:11,894
thinking exercise. You're not gonna think your way

797
00:28:11,894 --> 00:28:13,494
out of shame. You're not gonna think your

798
00:28:13,494 --> 00:28:15,255
way into maturity. You're not gonna think your

799
00:28:15,255 --> 00:28:16,234
way into recovery.

800
00:28:16,809 --> 00:28:19,230
You gotta it's it's what you do.

801
00:28:19,849 --> 00:28:22,009
It's what you do with your body, you

802
00:28:22,009 --> 00:28:24,170
know. And and and so what I do

803
00:28:24,170 --> 00:28:25,230
with my body being

804
00:28:25,690 --> 00:28:27,070
purposeful about that,

805
00:28:27,529 --> 00:28:30,089
having the vision, knowing the pathway with my

806
00:28:30,089 --> 00:28:30,589
values,

807
00:28:31,054 --> 00:28:33,154
trusting that my emotions are gonna come alongside.

808
00:28:33,855 --> 00:28:35,875
That's how we grow. That's how we mature.

809
00:28:35,934 --> 00:28:37,294
And it heals the marriage in my opinion.

810
00:28:37,294 --> 00:28:38,815
I think I think I think guys are

811
00:28:38,815 --> 00:28:39,794
always so disappointed

812
00:28:40,255 --> 00:28:42,255
in why doesn't she recognize this? Hey. I've

813
00:28:42,255 --> 00:28:44,575
been sober for for three years. What's the

814
00:28:44,575 --> 00:28:47,460
deal? I I don't think she's hunting for

815
00:28:47,460 --> 00:28:49,559
how many sober days you've collected.

816
00:28:49,940 --> 00:28:52,100
She wants to know how safe am I

817
00:28:52,100 --> 00:28:53,539
being with this guy for the next ten

818
00:28:53,539 --> 00:28:55,400
years? You know where she finds the safety?

819
00:28:55,860 --> 00:28:58,039
Where's his North Star? And when it's rooted

820
00:28:58,180 --> 00:28:59,559
in integrity and legacy,

821
00:29:00,255 --> 00:29:02,494
I believe that builds more safety than any

822
00:29:02,494 --> 00:29:04,035
amount of chips you can ever collect.

823
00:29:04,815 --> 00:29:06,195
100%

824
00:29:06,255 --> 00:29:07,875
agree with that. Yeah.

825
00:29:08,174 --> 00:29:09,855
Jake, I love this. Hey. For the guys

826
00:29:09,855 --> 00:29:11,535
listening, how can they be on the lookout

827
00:29:11,535 --> 00:29:13,259
for this new model? What's coming down the

828
00:29:13,259 --> 00:29:15,660
pipeline? How do they participate? Give us some

829
00:29:16,619 --> 00:29:17,900
Yeah. Yeah. So the best thing to do

830
00:29:17,900 --> 00:29:19,820
would be to jump on my email list.

831
00:29:20,779 --> 00:29:22,539
You know, yeah. We send a lot of

832
00:29:22,539 --> 00:29:24,380
emails. Just delete the ones you don't want.

833
00:29:24,380 --> 00:29:26,700
But just look for an announcement for our

834
00:29:26,700 --> 00:29:27,680
recovery driven,

835
00:29:28,065 --> 00:29:29,924
I'm sorry, integrity driven recovery

836
00:29:30,304 --> 00:29:32,884
program getting launched, probably this fall.

837
00:29:34,304 --> 00:29:34,804
And,

838
00:29:35,345 --> 00:29:38,304
yeah. Or or just reach out. Jake@durringventures.com.

839
00:29:38,304 --> 00:29:40,625
Just reach out if you're interested in working

840
00:29:40,625 --> 00:29:42,065
this model because I am looking for a

841
00:29:42,065 --> 00:29:43,740
beta group of guys to,

842
00:29:44,279 --> 00:29:46,279
test it out. Oh, yeah. I love it,

843
00:29:46,279 --> 00:29:47,799
Jake. I I I I was thrilled when

844
00:29:47,799 --> 00:29:49,319
I heard about it, and this podcast only

845
00:29:49,319 --> 00:29:51,480
anchored, the direction you're headed. So thanks, brother.

846
00:29:51,480 --> 00:29:52,779
Appreciate it. Thanks, man.

847
00:29:53,559 --> 00:29:55,755
Thanks for listening to this episode. If you

848
00:29:55,755 --> 00:29:57,595
are a high achiever with a sex addiction

849
00:29:57,595 --> 00:29:59,275
and you're looking for a recovery group full

850
00:29:59,275 --> 00:30:02,394
of like minded men, visit successfuladdict.com.

851
00:30:02,394 --> 00:30:05,214
We provide men with a recovery mastermind group

852
00:30:05,275 --> 00:30:06,494
using four day retreats,

853
00:30:06,875 --> 00:30:09,630
weekly group calls, and daily accountability check ins.

854
00:30:09,690 --> 00:30:11,850
If you wanna achieve long term sobriety and

855
00:30:11,850 --> 00:30:13,769
save your marriage, go to our website and

856
00:30:13,769 --> 00:30:14,670
fill out our application.

857
00:30:15,049 --> 00:30:17,450
If you enjoyed this episode, please pass it

858
00:30:17,450 --> 00:30:19,130
along to a friend in recovery who would

859
00:30:19,130 --> 00:30:21,130
benefit from listening. It is my mission to

860
00:30:21,130 --> 00:30:22,814
get this information out to as many high

861
00:30:22,814 --> 00:30:23,314
achievers

862
00:30:23,614 --> 00:30:25,454
as possible, and I can't do it without

863
00:30:25,454 --> 00:30:26,114
your help.