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– We spend a lot of time in our

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– culture talking about success, advancement,

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– money,

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– accolades,

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– accomplishments, etcetera, but we ignore integrity. We don’t

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– talk about it a whole lot. It’s one

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– of those things that’s like, oh, yeah. Yeah.

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– Yeah. Integrity, honesty. Yeah. I have that. But

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– again, if it’s really not something that’s talked

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– about as part of the recipe for success,

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– part of the recipe for living a good

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– life, an admirable life, and we spend more

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– of our time talking about it from a

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– career or financial or accomplishment standpoint. Again, we

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– we see these men more or less get

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– too much of their energy and their focus

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– and their attention is on advancement and bettering

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– themselves.

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– You are listening to the sex addiction podcast

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– for high achievers, business professionals, executives, and entrepreneurs.

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– This podcast is designed to apply

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– and recovery principles specifically to the mindset of

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– the high achiever. I’m your host, Roland Cochran,

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– founder of The Successful Addict, a recovery group

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– for high achieving men struggling with sex and

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– porn addiction. For more information about joining our

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– group or attending our next retreat, visit successfuladdict.com.

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– And now, enjoy the rest of the episode.

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– Is sex addiction different

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– for high achieving men? Right? Executive entrepreneurs, you

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– know, driven ambitious men versus men who represent

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– more of the general population.

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– Yes. And here’s why. It’s because this is

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– a process addiction.

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– You guys know this about me for those

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– of you who have been following or listening

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– to my podcast, right? The reason I like

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– this to be accurately called what it’s actually

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– classified in psychology, which is a process addiction,

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– is it speaks to me more to the

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– core of the issue. You see, when we

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– call it a sex addiction or a porn

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– addiction, the reason I believe it’s a little

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– bit distract or or or maybe does it

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– a disservice is it oversimplifies

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– the issue.

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– This thing is much more complex and much

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– more unique. Really the unique piece, I think

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– is the reason why I think we really

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– need to start looking at this in its

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– individual parts. And so this is why I

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– created a podcast geared towards high achievers and

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– entrepreneurs and a recovery group geared towards high

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– achievers and entrepreneurs

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– because we find that these guys are addicted

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– to or compulsive around different processes than the

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– general population.

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– So again, I have, if you go back

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– to the early episodes in my podcast, you’ll

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– find other episodes about this, but it’s been

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– a long time since I’ve broken it down

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– and so I thought I’d record another one

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– just to kind of resummarize why high achieving

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– men really need to approach this thing a

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– little bit differently. Now, first and foremost, before

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– I get into kind of the nuances of

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– the successful male psyche, I wanna first talk

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– about just the big obvious one, okay? Listen,

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– what we know cures this thing, and everybody

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– knows this, right? Your research speaks to this

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– unanimously. What we know cures this is connection,

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– right? So what is connection, right? That is

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– you finding

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– a group of men, other guys in recovery

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– who care for you, who you care for,

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– but more importantly, you really feel like they

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– understand you, right? You respect them, that you

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– admire them, they respect you, admire you, right?

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– That’s what connection’s about. It’s not just simply

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– going to a room with other men, right?

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– It’s actually

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– formulating a bond, a friendship, a deep emotional

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– connection

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– with other men who you can lean on

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– recovery and they can lean on you, right?

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– So the reason I like to get that

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– out is typically people connect best

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– with other men like them. Okay? They connect

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– with people, like minded people. Right? There was

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– a really neat study that came out in

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– 2025

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– on this that actually showed that cohorts, social

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– cohorts that become closely bonded, the number one

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– factor that they shared was similar goals and

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– life ambitions,

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– right? That people with similar goals and life

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– ambitions typically cluster together and form their social

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– cliques and tribes, right? And so the reason

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– why I say this is different for successful

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– men is

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– if you haven’t found your tribe and you

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– can’t find that in whatever room you’re in,

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– connection’s the number one thing you need, right?

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– So what do we know about driven, ambitious,

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– high achieving men? They connect Beth with other

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– driven, ambitious, high achieving men. Right? So I

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– just wanted to get that out there in

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– in terms of like the fastest road to

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– lasting recovery.

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– Connection needs to be your priority, right? But

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– let’s get into just some of the nuances

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– briefly around what we mean by the successful

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– male psyche and why recovery is gonna look

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– a little bit different. First and foremost, successful

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– men on the whole, and again, keep in

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– mind, a lot of the things that I’m

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– about to share don’t apply to every single

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– one of you listening, right? Some of it

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– will apply to you, some of it will

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– not, right? And it was because we’re all

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– different, right? This first one is the one

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– that I think plagues most of the men

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– in a lot of my groups. And again,

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– this doesn’t necessarily apply to everyone, but on

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– the whole, a lot of high achieving men

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– are image conscious.

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– And again, I don’t mean that in like

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– a really negative way, like they’re really into

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– themselves and how they look, but they are

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– image conscious. And and the reason for this

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– is think about it. Image is the first

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– thing that people see. Right? And we live

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– in a very superficial materialistic society. Right? So

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– image matters. It just does. How you look

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– matters. They’ve done studies on this. Okay? So

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– it’s it’s not something that’s irrelevant.

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– All right. And so think about this. If

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– you’re trying to maintain an image, this could

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– kind of backfire in, in, in two different

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– ways. One way you could be doing things

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– outside of your integrity to enhance your image.

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– Right. And this is really common when it

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– comes to using women and conquesting after women,

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– right? Can I get her? Does she find

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– me attractive, etcetera? Can I get their attention,

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– right? And that plays a lot into image

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– and status.

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– Absolutely, it does. The other way that image

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– can kind of backfire is we’re going to

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– compromise our integrity

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– to enhance our image, right? So we get

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– into this kind of cyclical process of

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– caring more about how we are perceived

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– than who we truly are, right? And what

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– that does is it degrades your integrity.

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– To me, integrity is kind of an all

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– or nothing thing, right? So if you’re willing

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– to compromise it to enhance your status, your

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– image, how you’re perceived so that you can

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– gain opportunities or enter certain social situations, gain

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– positions in career, gain positions of influence, etcetera.

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– Yes. That’s that’s a very common practice amongst

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– successful male culture and in capitalism. Right? And

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– a lot of these men who the better

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– you are at shape shifting and managing your

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– image and how you’re perceived, typically the better

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– you do in business. Right? Here’s the skill

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– set that in many ways is

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– promoted among successful men, all the while kind

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– of ignoring this whole piece of operating from

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– a place of integrity, operating from a place

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– of source.

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– Right? And again, the challenge with that is

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– it really messes with your moral compass. Right?

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– You start making decisions based off of how

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– you’re going to be seen and perceived by

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– society, your tribe, other successful men, etcetera, versus

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– how you feel about it. Is this an

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– integrity with you? How does your wife feel

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– about these things? Does this serve your kids,

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– right? A lot of the times our priorities

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– in life, the things that are most important

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– to us, the people who are most important

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– to us, start kind of falling lower on

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– that list. And it’s one of the toxic

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– kind of things we see amongst

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– successful male circles and business circles. Okay? So

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– that’s probably the biggest one that I see.

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– Now again, are all men really into their

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– image to the point where they’re gonna sacrifice

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– their integrity? No, but this is without question

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– probably the biggest one that I see in

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– my groups. What are some other things that

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– we see? Well, we noticed that these men,

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– you know, they really rely on feedback

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– to know how well they’re doing.

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– And what we see amongst a lot of

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– successful men is a lot of that feedback

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– is from other people. Right? Validation, attention, admiration.

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– So what happens is their self esteem essentially

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– really leans heavily on the perception of others.

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– Right? And this kind of this is very

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– similar to image management.

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– Right? But what we’re talking about here is

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– it’s really that craving, that attention, that validation.

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– Now, again, for those guys listening to this

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– who think, oh, no. I’m not really into

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– that. I don’t know. There’s a lot of

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– men. If it’s not your physical appearance or

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– your status, it can also be your intellect.

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– There’s a lot of people who wanna be

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– the smartest man in the room. Right? So

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– the point of this is what we see

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– with successful men, really similar to image management,

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– there’s this attention and feedback and validation loop,

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– and it really hinges on what other people

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– think and feel and say about you. Right?

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– And so again, this is another thing that

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– we see with these men when it comes

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– to sex addiction, porn addiction, affairs, the attention

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– that they’re trying to earn from women. Right?

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– It really speaks to their self esteem and

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– how they feel about themselves. Right? It’s their

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– compass of measuring, hey, how well am I

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– doing in life? Well, it’s it’s based off

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– of how many people are, again, respect me,

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– are impressed by me, desire me, are attracted

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– to me. The other things that we see

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– constantly with successful men and some of these

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– are more negative traits is there tends to

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– be a lot more like kind of self

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– centered grandiose

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– or narcissistic

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– thinking, not narcissistic personality disorder, but narcissistic thinking.

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– Right? Some of the traits

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– where we have this exaggerated sense of self

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– importance

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– and much of our thinking is about our

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– life, our creator, our pleasure, our joy, our

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– family, our bank account, our Right? It’s a

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– lot of me, my, and mine thinking. And

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– again, in the capitalistic

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– world that we live in, this works a

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– lot of time, right? The more kind of

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– self absorbed you are and the more focused

246
00:08:36.764 –> 00:08:39.264
– you are on you, your goals, your life,

247
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– again, a lot of the times you achieve

248
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– those goals a lot faster. But again, let’s

249
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– just make sure those goals

250
00:08:44.684 –> 00:08:47.245
– honor your integrity. That’s the messy part is

251
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– we spend a lot of time in our

252
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– culture talking about success, advancement, money,

253
00:08:52.660 –> 00:08:53.160
– accolades,

254
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– accomplishments, etcetera, but we ignore integrity. We don’t

255
00:08:56.740 –> 00:08:57.860
– talk about it a whole lot. It’s one

256
00:08:57.860 –> 00:08:58.980
– of those things it’s like, oh, yeah, yeah,

257
00:08:58.980 –> 00:09:00.820
– yeah. Integrity, honesty. Yeah. I have that. But

258
00:09:00.820 –> 00:09:02.580
– again, if it’s really not something that’s talked

259
00:09:02.580 –> 00:09:04.259
– about, it’s part of the recipe for success,

260
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– part of the recipe for living a good

261
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– life, an admirable life, And we spend more

262
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– of our time talking about it from a

263
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– career or financial or accomplishment standpoint. Again, we

264
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– see these men more or less get too

265
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– much of their energy and their focus and

266
00:09:18.424 –> 00:09:21.485
– their attention is on advancement and bettering themselves.

267
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– Right? And we’ve seen a huge kind of

268
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– self development push, especially in the last decade.

269
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– And again, not all of that’s bad, but

270
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– what we gotta start asking ourselves is are

271
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– we including integrity in that? Are we thinking

272
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– about others when we’re making a lot of

273
00:09:33.230 –> 00:09:35.605
– these decisions? You know, so many successful men,

274
00:09:35.605 –> 00:09:37.365
– they put on this hat of being a

275
00:09:37.365 –> 00:09:37.865
– provider.

276
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– They focus so much on their career accomplishments

277
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– and personal accomplishments, and they just think that

278
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– their wife and kids care about that. And

279
00:09:46.565 –> 00:09:48.404
– it’s not often true. I would say your

280
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– kids just want, we just want your attention

281
00:09:50.190 –> 00:09:52.509
– and your time. Your wife really, really just

282
00:09:52.509 –> 00:09:54.829
– wants the same. Right? And so we often

283
00:09:54.829 –> 00:09:56.669
– get distracted by thinking, oh, we need to

284
00:09:56.669 –> 00:09:58.909
– elevate the family’s finances. We need to go

285
00:09:58.909 –> 00:10:01.409
– on nicer vacations. Right? And that’s an accomplished

286
00:10:01.470 –> 00:10:03.195
– life. When in all reality, I don’t know.

287
00:10:03.195 –> 00:10:04.315
– If you talk to your wife and kids,

288
00:10:04.315 –> 00:10:05.914
– they might give you some different feedback. You

289
00:10:05.914 –> 00:10:07.434
– know, life’s short. Right? The kids grow up

290
00:10:07.434 –> 00:10:09.754
– quick. Right? Those eighteen years go fast and

291
00:10:09.754 –> 00:10:11.434
– most men really regret how they spend their

292
00:10:11.434 –> 00:10:12.955
– time. The other thing that we see with

293
00:10:12.955 –> 00:10:15.274
– high achieving men is they’re very selective on

294
00:10:15.274 –> 00:10:16.894
– the advice that they take.

295
00:10:17.220 –> 00:10:19.059
– Right? Just because you’re telling them something that

296
00:10:19.059 –> 00:10:21.639
– may benefit their life, they’re kinda hard headed.

297
00:10:21.940 –> 00:10:24.019
– And they typically only and again, this is

298
00:10:24.019 –> 00:10:25.539
– not this is not a great trait, but

299
00:10:25.539 –> 00:10:27.539
– they typically only listen to other successful men

300
00:10:27.539 –> 00:10:28.899
– or men that they look up to or

301
00:10:28.899 –> 00:10:29.399
– admire.

302
00:10:29.745 –> 00:10:32.144
– They perform poorly in therapy quite often. Right?

303
00:10:32.144 –> 00:10:34.304
– Because rather than blindly listening to their therapist,

304
00:10:34.304 –> 00:10:35.904
– they often push back and challenge a lot

305
00:10:35.904 –> 00:10:37.764
– of things. They wanna understand processes.

306
00:10:38.144 –> 00:10:39.745
– And again, this is where this can get

307
00:10:39.745 –> 00:10:42.544
– sticky again is as they’re trying to navigate

308
00:10:42.544 –> 00:10:44.820
– recovery, their own personal recovery, they are. They’re

309
00:10:44.820 –> 00:10:45.800
– starting to become

310
00:10:46.180 –> 00:10:48.019
– selective on what they’ll listen to, what they’ll

311
00:10:48.019 –> 00:10:49.779
– do. And again, I’m not saying this is

312
00:10:49.779 –> 00:10:51.620
– a good trait. I’m not saying necessarily any

313
00:10:51.620 –> 00:10:53.139
– of these things are good traits, but the

314
00:10:53.139 –> 00:10:54.660
– fact of the matter is we see a

315
00:10:54.660 –> 00:10:56.740
– lot of this hard headedness and rigid black

316
00:10:56.740 –> 00:10:58.040
– and white thinking amongst

317
00:10:58.475 –> 00:11:00.715
– successful men. Right? So again, I’m not debating

318
00:11:00.715 –> 00:11:02.875
– that any of these things are necessarily good.

319
00:11:02.875 –> 00:11:04.315
– If anything, I’m telling you that they can

320
00:11:04.315 –> 00:11:06.154
– be good in business, but they’re often problematic

321
00:11:06.154 –> 00:11:08.075
– in life. The reason I’m asking everybody can

322
00:11:08.154 –> 00:11:10.075
– to consider these things when you’re in recovery

323
00:11:10.075 –> 00:11:12.769
– is if you are a driven ambitious man

324
00:11:12.769 –> 00:11:14.529
– and you really have fallen into a lot

325
00:11:14.529 –> 00:11:16.230
– of these successful male stereotypes,

326
00:11:16.610 –> 00:11:18.450
– these are characteristics that you’re gonna have to

327
00:11:18.450 –> 00:11:20.850
– monitor in recovery. Right? So if you’re trying

328
00:11:20.850 –> 00:11:22.450
– to change the way that you think, it

329
00:11:22.450 –> 00:11:24.370
– is really important that you are in a

330
00:11:24.370 –> 00:11:27.035
– recovery circle, And this includes your helpers and

331
00:11:27.035 –> 00:11:29.274
– the therapists that you do admire and respect

332
00:11:29.274 –> 00:11:31.434
– them, that you consider their advice to be

333
00:11:31.434 –> 00:11:33.674
– very valid. Right? Because again, the more respect

334
00:11:33.674 –> 00:11:35.355
– you have for the people who are in

335
00:11:35.355 –> 00:11:37.915
– your recovery circle, the faster that I find

336
00:11:37.915 –> 00:11:39.915
– you’re going to, especially high achieving men, you’re

337
00:11:39.915 –> 00:11:42.210
– gonna adopt those new belief patterns and those

338
00:11:42.210 –> 00:11:43.970
– new thinking patterns. You know, they they really

339
00:11:43.970 –> 00:11:45.490
– need for successful men, they really need to

340
00:11:45.490 –> 00:11:47.490
– make sense. They really need to make sense.

341
00:11:47.490 –> 00:11:48.610
– And again, for those of you who have

342
00:11:48.610 –> 00:11:50.050
– read my book, I talk about a lot

343
00:11:50.050 –> 00:11:51.570
– of this stuff in my book. But I

344
00:11:51.570 –> 00:11:53.330
– think the last thing that I would speak

345
00:11:53.330 –> 00:11:55.250
– to this episode could probably be like hours

346
00:11:55.250 –> 00:11:56.774
– and hours. But the other big thing I

347
00:11:56.774 –> 00:11:58.455
– see is these men don’t like to hear

348
00:11:58.455 –> 00:12:00.615
– no. They love to want things and they

349
00:12:00.615 –> 00:12:02.294
– love to get what they want. And a

350
00:12:02.294 –> 00:12:04.215
– lot of times, successful men have a pattern

351
00:12:04.215 –> 00:12:06.215
– of this. Right? Everything they’ve kinda set their

352
00:12:06.215 –> 00:12:08.294
– mind to, they get. And this includes bad

353
00:12:08.294 –> 00:12:10.820
– things. A lot of their acting out behaviors,

354
00:12:11.120 –> 00:12:13.519
– they’ve applied a lot of their similar drive

355
00:12:13.519 –> 00:12:15.440
– to like, I want this, I’m gonna go

356
00:12:15.440 –> 00:12:16.639
– get it. And this is why you see

357
00:12:16.639 –> 00:12:18.160
– a lot of successful men who, you know,

358
00:12:18.160 –> 00:12:20.179
– it did not stop at pornography.

359
00:12:20.480 –> 00:12:23.139
– Many times it has gone far past that,

360
00:12:23.334 –> 00:12:24.955
– right? Into physical affairs,

361
00:12:25.414 –> 00:12:28.154
– paid sex, sex workers, online paid transactions.

362
00:12:28.615 –> 00:12:29.975
– Right? And a lot of that is yes,

363
00:12:29.975 –> 00:12:31.654
– they have the financial resources to be able

364
00:12:31.654 –> 00:12:32.855
– to do it. But a lot of it

365
00:12:32.855 –> 00:12:34.774
– is also this thinking of I’m gonna get

366
00:12:34.774 –> 00:12:36.399
– what I want. Right? And that kind of

367
00:12:36.399 –> 00:12:37.679
– leads me to this, one of the things

368
00:12:37.679 –> 00:12:39.279
– I see with successful men, you know, there’s

369
00:12:39.279 –> 00:12:41.840
– this misperception that they have their shit together

370
00:12:41.840 –> 00:12:43.759
– because they’re so focused and and they’ve built

371
00:12:43.759 –> 00:12:45.200
– this really, you know, from the outside looking

372
00:12:45.200 –> 00:12:47.440
– in, they’ve built this really amazing looking life.

373
00:12:47.440 –> 00:12:48.879
– What I will tell you right now is

374
00:12:48.879 –> 00:12:50.720
– a lot of successful men are pretty screwed

375
00:12:50.720 –> 00:12:52.394
– up. They just really are. A lot of

376
00:12:52.394 –> 00:12:54.875
– their thinking patterns have led them to financial

377
00:12:54.875 –> 00:12:56.794
– success and career success. But if you really

378
00:12:56.794 –> 00:12:58.715
– look at a lot of those patterns, they’re

379
00:12:58.715 –> 00:13:00.875
– not the healthiest. They’re not the healthiest. A

380
00:13:00.875 –> 00:13:02.955
– lot of them are are quite childish. Right?

381
00:13:02.955 –> 00:13:04.794
– In all reality, right? Who gets everything that

382
00:13:04.794 –> 00:13:06.475
– they want and doesn’t have to deal with

383
00:13:06.475 –> 00:13:07.134
– the consequences?

384
00:13:07.620 –> 00:13:09.620
– Who gets everything that they want and doesn’t

385
00:13:09.620 –> 00:13:11.540
– ever has to hear no? Right? A four

386
00:13:11.540 –> 00:13:13.379
– year old, a three year old. But again,

387
00:13:13.379 –> 00:13:15.700
– a lot of successful male culture really is

388
00:13:15.700 –> 00:13:17.779
– this, you know, put your eyes on something,

389
00:13:17.779 –> 00:13:19.620
– go get it. Right? And that becomes this

390
00:13:19.620 –> 00:13:20.120
– pattern.

391
00:13:20.514 –> 00:13:22.034
– And one thing that’s again, not discussed a

392
00:13:22.034 –> 00:13:24.115
– ton is the consequences. What this might mean

393
00:13:24.115 –> 00:13:25.794
– to somebody else? How does your wife feel

394
00:13:25.794 –> 00:13:27.714
– about you spending so much time doing this?

395
00:13:27.714 –> 00:13:29.714
– Right? A lot of this calculation is not

396
00:13:29.714 –> 00:13:32.195
– done. A lot of successful male thinking is

397
00:13:32.195 –> 00:13:34.929
– a lot about see, conquer, get. Right? And

398
00:13:34.929 –> 00:13:36.529
– the guy who can conquer the most is

399
00:13:36.529 –> 00:13:38.529
– the best and sometimes that’s women, sometimes that’s

400
00:13:38.529 –> 00:13:40.850
– other women’s attention, right? But again, we see

401
00:13:40.850 –> 00:13:43.009
– a lot of these patterns where they kind

402
00:13:43.009 –> 00:13:45.169
– of look very different than your typical kind

403
00:13:45.169 –> 00:13:47.089
– of like the Patrick Karn story of the

404
00:13:47.089 –> 00:13:49.214
– typical sex act where it’s like, oh, you

405
00:13:49.214 –> 00:13:51.774
– can’t regulate your emotions, you have all these

406
00:13:51.774 –> 00:13:53.694
– negative thoughts and feelings about yourself and so

407
00:13:53.694 –> 00:13:55.454
– then you go act out sexually. It’s kinda

408
00:13:55.454 –> 00:13:58.095
– like this drug addict substance addiction kind of

409
00:13:58.095 –> 00:13:59.694
– narrative. What we see with a lot of

410
00:13:59.694 –> 00:14:02.754
– successful men is it can sometimes be escapism.

411
00:14:02.990 –> 00:14:05.949
– It can sometimes be checking out of stress

412
00:14:05.949 –> 00:14:08.190
– and unwanted kind of feelings and thoughts. But

413
00:14:08.190 –> 00:14:10.509
– what I see even way more often is

414
00:14:10.509 –> 00:14:12.370
– men chasing and pursuing

415
00:14:12.829 –> 00:14:15.309
– thoughts that they want, right? Thoughts of again

416
00:14:15.309 –> 00:14:16.990
– desire, right? I want her to want me.

417
00:14:16.990 –> 00:14:18.350
– I wanna be looked at in a certain

418
00:14:18.350 –> 00:14:19.985
– way. I I wanna feel superior. I wanna

419
00:14:19.985 –> 00:14:22.545
– feel accomplished. I wanna feel powerful. I wanna

420
00:14:22.545 –> 00:14:24.785
– feel like there’s nothing I can’t get. Right?

421
00:14:24.785 –> 00:14:27.764
– And so they’re chasing these. The feelings themselves

422
00:14:27.825 –> 00:14:30.065
– aren’t inherently evil. Unfortunately, a lot of the

423
00:14:30.065 –> 00:14:31.605
– things that they have done

424
00:14:32.000 –> 00:14:34.500
– to obtain those feelings, yeah, they do involve

425
00:14:34.639 –> 00:14:37.379
– violating their marital vows. Right? Cheating,

426
00:14:37.759 –> 00:14:41.039
– seeking novel and unique sexual experiences outside of

427
00:14:41.039 –> 00:14:42.740
– the marriage and there’s a lot of

428
00:14:43.279 –> 00:14:45.600
– entitled thinking when it comes into and very

429
00:14:45.600 –> 00:14:47.625
– childish I want, I get, I get I

430
00:14:47.625 –> 00:14:49.945
– get what I want thinking. And so again,

431
00:14:49.945 –> 00:14:51.705
– the reason that I bring all this up

432
00:14:51.705 –> 00:14:54.665
– is when we’re talking about process addiction, every

433
00:14:54.665 –> 00:14:56.524
– single guy has a unique thought process.

434
00:14:56.985 –> 00:14:59.245
– Now yes, we will see guys of certain

435
00:14:59.384 –> 00:15:03.440
– social cohorts or religious backgrounds or economic or

436
00:15:03.440 –> 00:15:03.940
– geographic

437
00:15:04.240 –> 00:15:06.480
– kind of factors, you will see people with

438
00:15:06.480 –> 00:15:07.460
– more similar

439
00:15:08.080 –> 00:15:08.820
– thought processes

440
00:15:09.519 –> 00:15:12.000
– as geographically with these other different kind of

441
00:15:12.000 –> 00:15:14.399
– measures. But what we definitely see is that

442
00:15:14.399 –> 00:15:17.059
– men who really identify as a high achiever,

443
00:15:17.534 –> 00:15:20.495
– they definitely have very different thought processes than

444
00:15:20.495 –> 00:15:22.575
– a lot of the general population. Again, they

445
00:15:22.575 –> 00:15:24.095
– take a lot of risk. They seek a

446
00:15:24.095 –> 00:15:25.934
– lot of excitement and novelty. They have a

447
00:15:25.934 –> 00:15:28.095
– lot of grandiose thinking like I’m not gonna

448
00:15:28.095 –> 00:15:29.855
– get caught. I’m gonna get away with this

449
00:15:29.855 –> 00:15:32.014
– forever and they’re acting out patterns and they’re

450
00:15:32.014 –> 00:15:34.200
– acting out behaviors look very very different. And

451
00:15:34.200 –> 00:15:36.039
– you know, in my opinion, the fastest way

452
00:15:36.039 –> 00:15:37.960
– to change that because again, we only know

453
00:15:37.960 –> 00:15:39.799
– what to recover from from that which we’ve

454
00:15:39.799 –> 00:15:41.320
– seen. That’s what we’ve heard. That’s what we

455
00:15:41.320 –> 00:15:43.639
– self identified drove our acting out behaviors and

456
00:15:43.639 –> 00:15:45.240
– this is again why, you know, I always

457
00:15:45.240 –> 00:15:47.644
– encourage men to kind of approach recovery a

458
00:15:47.644 –> 00:15:49.764
– little bit differently as a high achiever because

459
00:15:49.764 –> 00:15:51.705
– there are a lot of unique thought processes

460
00:15:52.085 –> 00:15:53.924
– that you’re not gonna hear as often in

461
00:15:53.924 –> 00:15:56.485
– a lot of recovery circles just because they

462
00:15:56.485 –> 00:15:58.644
– have different thought processes than you. It’s not

463
00:15:58.644 –> 00:16:00.644
– that you’re better than them or or they’re

464
00:16:00.644 –> 00:16:02.250
– worse than you, that’s not what I’m saying.

465
00:16:02.250 –> 00:16:04.490
– But high achieving men, they definitely approach the

466
00:16:04.490 –> 00:16:06.570
– world differently. And again, the things that made

467
00:16:06.570 –> 00:16:08.009
– you successful in business can get you in

468
00:16:08.009 –> 00:16:10.409
– a lot of trouble in your personal life.

469
00:16:10.409 –> 00:16:12.409
– We don’t always see the same strategies that

470
00:16:12.409 –> 00:16:14.330
– are successful in terms of business and making

471
00:16:14.330 –> 00:16:16.415
– money. Oftentimes will fail you

472
00:16:16.875 –> 00:16:19.355
– in your personal life especially in your marital

473
00:16:19.355 –> 00:16:22.394
– life because marriage, love, deep connection, right? Forming

474
00:16:22.394 –> 00:16:24.475
– a dyad with your wife and a strong

475
00:16:24.475 –> 00:16:26.475
– family unit, it’s a different skill set that’s

476
00:16:26.475 –> 00:16:28.649
– required to that. And so my advice of

477
00:16:28.649 –> 00:16:30.490
– this and really the whole reason for recording

478
00:16:30.490 –> 00:16:33.769
– this episode is for everybody listening, right? A,

479
00:16:33.769 –> 00:16:35.529
– we always have to figure out the thought

480
00:16:35.529 –> 00:16:37.610
– process that you’ve become addicted to or compulsive

481
00:16:37.610 –> 00:16:39.129
– around, right? You can’t recover unless you know

482
00:16:39.129 –> 00:16:41.070
– what you’re recovering from. B,

483
00:16:41.375 –> 00:16:43.214
– what do we know the best connections in

484
00:16:43.214 –> 00:16:44.814
– recovery are formed with other men who have

485
00:16:44.814 –> 00:16:47.134
– a very similar process addiction to you. Right?

486
00:16:47.134 –> 00:16:49.294
– And then c, you need a recovery plan

487
00:16:49.294 –> 00:16:51.695
– that’s built to change that. Right? If you’re

488
00:16:51.695 –> 00:16:54.254
– a chronic liar and you feel entitled to

489
00:16:54.254 –> 00:16:54.754
– lying

490
00:16:55.240 –> 00:16:56.519
– so that you can get what you want

491
00:16:56.519 –> 00:16:58.200
– and you can conceal that from your wife,

492
00:16:58.200 –> 00:17:00.860
– that’s a different recovery pattern than addiction. Right?

493
00:17:01.000 –> 00:17:03.160
– Liars, there’s a lot of psychological treatment that

494
00:17:03.160 –> 00:17:05.559
– liars need to examine. Right? If you’re really

495
00:17:05.559 –> 00:17:08.299
– into being admired and wanted and attention seeking

496
00:17:08.359 –> 00:17:08.431
– and a lot of that attention that you

497
00:17:08.431 –> 00:17:08.502
– want is from the opposite sex from women,

498
00:17:08.502 –> 00:17:09.019
– then again, that’s

499
00:17:10.039 –> 00:17:10.539
– not

500
00:17:11.565 –> 00:17:14.204
– women, then again that’s not addiction treatment. Right?

501
00:17:14.204 –> 00:17:16.285
– That’s something different. Right? Those are other processes

502
00:17:16.285 –> 00:17:17.804
– that you need to If you don’t like

503
00:17:17.804 –> 00:17:19.404
– to hear the words no and you like

504
00:17:19.404 –> 00:17:21.164
– to get everything that you want and you’re

505
00:17:21.164 –> 00:17:22.785
– impatient and you seek novelty,

506
00:17:23.164 –> 00:17:25.500
– that’s another Alright. So the point is all

507
00:17:25.500 –> 00:17:28.220
– of these addictive and compulsive thought patterns that

508
00:17:28.220 –> 00:17:29.580
– we have led you to act out of

509
00:17:29.580 –> 00:17:31.740
– your life. If you’re going to keep your

510
00:17:31.740 –> 00:17:33.500
– marriage safe and you’re actually gonna get into

511
00:17:33.500 –> 00:17:34.480
– lasting recovery,

512
00:17:34.940 –> 00:17:36.940
– you’re gonna need way more than sobriety. You’re

513
00:17:36.940 –> 00:17:38.724
– gonna need recovery And how do you get

514
00:17:38.724 –> 00:17:41.224
– there? Build a recovery plan unique to your

515
00:17:41.365 –> 00:17:42.345
– process addiction.

516
00:17:43.845 –> 00:17:46.005
– Thanks for listening to this episode. If you

517
00:17:46.005 –> 00:17:47.765
– are a high achiever with a sex addiction

518
00:17:47.765 –> 00:17:49.444
– and you’re looking for a recovery group full

519
00:17:49.444 –> 00:17:52.650
– of like minded men, visit successfuladdict.com.

520
00:17:52.650 –> 00:17:55.369
– We provide men with a recovery mastermind group

521
00:17:55.369 –> 00:17:58.250
– using four day retreats, weekly group calls, and

522
00:17:58.250 –> 00:18:00.890
– daily accountability check ins. If you wanna achieve

523
00:18:00.890 –> 00:18:03.265
– long term sobriety and save your marriage, go

524
00:18:03.265 –> 00:18:04.964
– to our website and fill out an application.

525
00:18:05.184 –> 00:18:07.664
– If you enjoyed this episode, please pass it

526
00:18:07.664 –> 00:18:09.345
– along to a friend in recovery who would

527
00:18:09.345 –> 00:18:11.265
– benefit from listening. It is my mission to

528
00:18:11.265 –> 00:18:13.025
– get this information out to as many high

529
00:18:13.025 –> 00:18:15.345
– achievers as possible, and I can’t do it

530
00:18:15.345 –> 00:18:16.325
– without your help.